Always
by That-Fresh-Rain-Smell
Summary: I've been here, before, a few times. And I'm quite aware we're dying. Your hands, they shake, with goodbyes, and I'll take you back if you'll have me. so here I am, I'm trying...So here, I am, are you ready...?
1. Chapter 1: Straight as a Circle

A/N: Ok, so I have wanted to do a snarry for a while, but I wasn't sure if I should…or could, for that matter. So here it is, I hope you all like it! - And if there is any OOC, tell me, so I can fix it. Harry OOC doesn't much bother me, but Snape…shiver Snape OOC sux…unless its cute, like in Trust! (On my faves) ok, well, enjoy, and drop a review plz plz plz! Oh, btw, its not really a song fic, just might have the lyrics to always in there, and I couldn't think of a better title. If you can, let me know! Ooohhh right and I wanted to uncover a little secret about where they change into their school robes. I can't remember where or if it was in the books, so if it is in there, and im wrong, I changed it, ok? Ok.

Summary: something happened to Harry. Snape needs to know what it is. Can Harry ever trust anyone ever again? Let alone his 'greasy git' of a potions master?

Timeline: 6th year

A/N 2: Jihad! (G is hot…you know what I mean, Yami, keiko, CO, sunshine…) oh and…do you like guacamole? Your eyes are chocolaty…lol

Always 

Chapter 1: Straight as a Circle

Harry sat on the train, nursing his bruised arm, which Dudley had given him before he left. He smiled brightly as his two best friends Ron and Hermione came through the door, letting go of his arm and standing to hug the both of them. They sat down, chatting amiably about their summers. Though Harry didn't have much to tell, he was content just to sit and listen to Hermione go on about Africa, and Ron tell about Fred and George's new store in Hogsmeade.

When it was time to change to the school robe Harry went to the back of the train into the men's changing rooms. He stepped into one of the tiny stalls carrying his robes and started to change quickly, late as always. The train stopped while he was buttoning his outer robes and he was thrown forcefully into the door, which wasn't made so well, and fell open. Malfoy, who had been checking his hair, laughed cruelly and tried to jinx him, but another jerk of the train sent the curse flying at Blaise, who reflected it lazily and laughed, clapping him on the back. When Malfoy turned around, determined to finish what he had started, Harry had already disappeared. The feast and sorting went as always, nothing interesting happening except the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher knocking over her neighbor, who in turn fell onto his neighbor, who was not amused at all, being Professor Snape. But this was not too surprising seeming as how it was Tonks who took Umbridge's place.

The now-sixth year Gryffindors took their usual spots around the common room, joking and talking loudly until late into the night. When it was around one o'clock, the only ones left were Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny, who had decided she was as good as any sixth year.

"Harry, what is that!" Hermione asked, pointing to the large bruise on his forearm.

"Er…"

"Who did that? That's a fist print, if I ever saw one." Ron said, getting angry.

"Erm…"

"Harry! Was it the Dursleys? Oh it was, wasn't it! I told Dumbledore that they weren't treating you right, but no, he insisted on making you stay! Oh my god, Harry you have to tell him right away!" Hermione exclaimed, standing up quickly, as if she had every intention of visiting the old man at this hour. Harry put a hand subconsciously to his hurt arm and sighed.

"They er…started using a different form of punishment…" and he told them about the punches and kicks, by far not the worse he had gotten, growing up with Dudley, but it still hurt. In the end he had to show them the assortment of bruises on his torso. There had been nothing worse, so far, he told them.

"You need to go to Dumbledore!" Ginny agreed with Hermione.

"At this hour?" Harry asked incredulously.

"Well..."

"I'll go tomorrow, I promise you," he assured them. "I've had worse, you know." He added, standing up and making his was towards the boy's dorm. The two girls agreed sulkily and went up the stairs to their beds, eyes drooping suddenly.

"You will go tell him, right?" Ron confirmed.

"Yeah, I will" Harry agreed tiredly, slipping between the covers.

"G'night" came Ron's sleepy voice. Harry didn't remember if he responded after that, and whether or not he did was irrelevant, because Ron was already asleep.

The next day Harry did as he had promised, waiting forever outside the gargoyle, refusing lemon drops, and shading his eyes against Dumbledore's twinkling ones before he started his story. When he finished, Dumbledore got very angry very fast and left Harry sitting alone in his office with a pop. When he returned, he looked saddened and pleased.

"I'm so sorry, my dear boy." He said tiredly, sitting down at his desk.

"Its ok you didn't know…"

"True. But I should have at least checked in on you." The man said, shaking his head sadly. "Never mind, I have made sure that they are incapable of doing it again. Now, Harry, there is the matter of occlumency…" Harry's eyes widened in horror.

"With Snape?" he asked, praying for it not to be true.

"Professor Snape, Harry. And yes. Things were going rather well until you saw that memory…" seeing harrys disbelieving look, the man nodded encouragingly. "Oh yes it was, my boy, you two just needed a little more time, that's all. I will be talking too him, and when we get things set up, you will be notified. Until then," he gestured with his hands, "enjoy the school year! I am, once again, very sorry, Harry. I will heal your wounds now, if you don't mind. Poppy has an extremely confusing patient at the moment, won't tell her what's wrong with him…" Harry allowed Dumbledore to heal him and left, getting to the Great Hall just in time for lunch. He looked up at the head table when he came in, scanning the familiar faces and smiling slightly and waving when Tonks waved frantically at him, causing her goblet to fall over. He covered a laugh and sat down next to Ron (Hermione was still in the library). He barely ate, used to meager portions at the Dursleys, and then left back to the common room for one of his free periods, which he fortunately had with Hermione and Ron. They compared schedules over this period, since Harry had been busy with the headmaster for most of the morning. They all went like this:

Harry: Potions

Transfiguration

Charms

Lunch

Free period

DADA

Care of Magical Creatures

Astrology

Divination

Free period

Dinner

Hermione: Potions

Charms

Transfiguration

Lunch

Free Period

DADA

Care of Magical Creatures

Ancient Runes

Arithmacy

Astrology

Dinner

Ron: DADA

Transfiguration

Potions

Lunch

Free Period

Charms

Care of Magical Creatures

Free Period

Divination

Astrology

Dinner

After their free period, they all went to their separate classes, and Harry was glad he had gotten to miss the first three classes of his day, especially Snape's. He wasn't sure he wanted to find out how he felt now about the man, knowing now that he was gay and all. He had always thought him somewhat sexy, but now that he had accepted being a full-blown, flaming queer, he wasn't sure how he would react to the man, and he wasn't in any hurry to find out.

Tonks was a great teacher, if a bit clumsy, telling the class excitedly about what they were going to learn this year. Harry was a bit distracted though, thanks to Hermione, strangely enough.

"Harry, what aren't you telling us?" She asked in a whisper.

"What do you mean, 'Mione?" He said confusedly.

"You know what I mean. Usually it's easy to tell when you're hiding something from us, but right now, its very difficult. I trust my instincts though, and I know that you're keeping something from us!"

"Er…I don't think so, Hermione." He said, shaking his head so his hair flipped about his face cutely. (Because the author can make him do that)

"Harry give it up, I already know, so you might as well tell me and have done with it."

"What?"

"Its ok, I mean, look at Seamus, he's very happy now with Dean and—"

"WHAT!" Harry tried to keep his voice a whisper, but it didn't work much, and he got an angry and disappointed glare from Tonks. After a minute, Harry leaned over to whisper again.

"How did you know?"

"Honestly Harry, its not that hard to figure out. I mean, after Cho, It was quite obvious that you didn't fancy girls…"

"But—" Harry started to protest weakly.

"Now Harry come on, it's not like its bad or anything. It's actually rather cute. But anyway, you need to tell Ron. He has a right to know, being your best friend and all. I am not going to tell him for you." Harry hung his head.

"How do you think he'll take it?"

"You know Ron." Harry did indeed. The fiery red head would, in the end, still be his friend. Or at least, he hoped.

"Allright, I'll tell him."

"Good" she said smugly, going back to her usual rapt attention in studies and leaving Harry to ponder the best ways to let Ron know he fancied men.

Later that evening when they were all once again sitting around the fire, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny, Harry broached the topic.

"Hey, guys? There's something I need to tell you…" they all stopped their talking immediately the way you do when your Harry potter's best friend and he has something important to say. Hermione gave him an encouraging smile, and he continued, "I…er I wanted to talk about…Well I guess it starts with Cho…" Ron rolled his eyes.

"Oh no, don't tell me you like her again, mate." He said.

"No…erm…I don't like her. Actually I never did. I don't like her…"

"Hair? Teeth? Smile? Ears? Anything's good, mate." Ron said, trying to be helpful.

"No, erm…I don't like her, sex, Ron." He said, looking at the thick boy to see if he got it. Ginny squealed excitedly and hugged Harry, whispering, "I knew it!" in his ear, beaming at him.

"Well that's a little mean Harry. Besides, I didn't know that you two went all the way. I thought it was just that kiss in—"

"No, Ron, that's not what I mean. I mean her gender."

"Huh?"

"The fact that she is a girl." Ron still looked very confused, and Harry sighed. He had to, of course, spell it out for him. "I do not like the fact that she is a girl, because I like men. I am gay. Queer. Straight as a circle." Rons face changed from confused to horrified.

"You—you what?"

"I. Like. Men." Harry said slowly. Hermione nodded alongside Ginny, and Ron turned on them.

"You knew?" he said accusingly.

"More like guessed." Hermione said gently, putting a comforting hand on his arm.

"But—but—when!"

"Erm…this summer, maybe?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, I wanted to…"

"So why not?"

"I don't know." Harry said helplessly.

"So, your gay…" Ron said, looking at him with a mixture of confusion, disgust, and friendship. "Well…I guess…As long as, you know, you don't have any…feelings…for me, im ok with it…" he said slowly and Hermione hugged him tightly, congratulating him for talking it so well, as Harry assured him he had no such feelings whatsoever.

"So do you like anyone?" Ginny asked excitedly.

"Not really…well, there is someone, but im not really sure yet. I will let you know when I am, I promise." He said, the face of a certain potions master floating in his minds eye.

"Ok. Be sure you do Harry!" Hermione said. Harry nodded and their conversation continued, veering off in the direction of the upcoming Hogsmeade trip.

Weeks past uneventfully, with Harry trying to ignore his growing obsession with Snape, Fred and George selling skiving snackboxes in Hogsmeade, Hermione pressuring them mercilessly about homework, and the Halloween feast going as usual, without a hitch. Kids ate a bunch of candy, threw up, got a sugar hand-over the next day…the usual. It was the day before Christmas break, right before the great feast, when Harry got a letter from Dumbledore informing him of his first occlumency lesson.

_Dear Harry,_

_Professor Snape has, in the end, agreed to continue your lessons for this year. They will commence immediately after the prolonged Christmas break, which will be explained tonight at the feast. You will be arriving a day early to start your lessons, and I expect the very best out of you. Good luck,_

_Professor Dumbledore._

Harry sighed; knowing the letter would come sooner or later had not stopped him from hoping that Snape would win the battle. He did not want to think about how crazy long hours in the dungeon with the man would make him, knowing as he did that Snape would never want or accept him. He wondered about the prolonged Christmas break, and hurried to the great hall for the feast to hear about it. When all the student were done eating the delicious meals the house elves had prepared, Dumbledore stood, calling rapt attention to himself by that simple gesture.

"My dear students, I regret to inform you that this wonderful school of ours will have a prolonged Christmas break this year because the old spells on this castle must be renewed and remodeled by all teachers, and will take about five weeks to complete. This means that our school year will go into the summer holidays. But it will all be even out anyway, for you are getting a very long Christmas break."

There was collective mumbling about this; some people thought it was good, while others decided they would rather have summer holidays.

"Why can't you do it over the summer?" Fred called.

"A very good question, Mr. Weasley. You see, the spells must all be re-done at the same time they are done every millennia, or else they are weak and useless. It will be a hard and grueling task, one I am sure all my staff Is up to." Dumbledore answered.

There was more mumbling, and Dumbledore sat, satisfied that there were no more questions. Hermione turned to Harry.

"You realize this means you have to go back to the Dursleys? They won't let anyone stay here while they are doing this, I bet." She said, a look of pity in her eyes.

"No way, he's going to come and stay with us!" Ron said indignantly.

Hermione shook her head woefully.

"In order for the spell to work, Ronald, Harry needs to stay there for at least three weeks every year, and since the summer holidays will be shortened dramatically, that time will have to be served during Christmas." She said regretfully.

"Oh shit man," Ron said, looking at Harry sadly.

"I know. At least Dumbledore made sure they won't hit me again." The others nodded agreement and headed slowly back to the gryfindor common room for their last night at hogwarts until spring.

A/N: ok, sorry its all high-speed, I promise it will slow down now. I was just writing this large gap between what was on my pc and what was in my notebook, cause I started writing their occlumency lessons in my notebook. So yeah…. R&R!

Kozi


	2. Chapter 2: Lessons

**Chapter 2: Lessons**

.:Back at hogwarts, after the long break:.

Harry made his way slowly to his dorm to put his stuff away, sitting on the edge of his bed to rest before he went down to the dungeons for his first occlumency lesson. The halls were eerily empty and quiet, not a ghost stirred or a paining twitched. When he got there, he knocked tiredly on the door to the potions room and was allowed entrance.

"Well, here we are again, potter," Snape said, disgusted that he had allowed Dumbledore to talk him into teaching the boy for a second time. Harry just nodded, head bowed. "No time like the present, then. One…two…three…_ligilimens_!" There was nothing. No flashes of memories, no feelings, just emptiness. But Snape was there. He was inside the boys mind. So why was there nothing? A vague thought of Ron and Hermione drifted to the front of the boy's head, and Snape withdrew. "Potter." He commended.

"Yes?" Harry finally looked at him, and to Snape surprise, the boys eyes were empty, void of all emotion and feeling. Snape got a slight case of the chills. The last persons whose eyes had looked like that had been lucious, right before he was killed at the hands of the Dark Lord.

"Sit down, Potter." Snape said, not letting a hint of anything show in his voice. Harry sat obediently at one of the empty desks, wordlessly waiting for Snape to continue. "What has happened?" the man asked, tone still bland. Then, as if it had never been, the blank look was gone, replaced by the usual look of confusion and hate. And the normal Harry potter's voice replied.

"Nothing, sir. I was just...thinking." he answered.

"Potter, I was just inside your mind, so don't lie to me and tell me you were thinking, because I know for a fact that the only thought in your head was whether or not your friendship will change because of Mr. Weasley's and miss. Granger's newfound affections, which doesn't require much thought." He snapped. Harry actually winced, saying meekly,

"Im sorry sir. But I…well…I had a lot of practice over the break, I forgot to clear my mind before you came in, so I did when you were already in. I…uh…hid? my memories and things. Like you told me too. Sir." He added, misreading the look on snapes face. Snape humphed mentally, not buying the story, but deciding to let it drop for now.

"Very well. Lets see if you can do it repeatedly, and if you can, we will move on to the next step." The older man said as Harry stood again. "Ligilimens!" This time a flood of memories came and broke over Snape like a tidal wave, showing him flashes of black falling through the veil, Dumbledore fighting Voldemort, Bellatrix…then there were brief images of the break, mostly time spent alone in the cupboard, and then Dudley deciding that Hedwig would do well in a blender, and then—Snape stopped the flood of memories and retreated. "What did you do wrong, Potter?" he asked.

"I…I didn't bury myself…" he answered, massaging his aching forehead.

"Bury yourself? No Potter, that would imply detaching yourself from your body and leave you void of all emo—good god Potter, is that what you did?" Snape said, shocked. Harry nodded, one shoulder hitched as if expecting a blow. Sane examined him more closely. When Harry had come in for his lesson, Snape had barely spared him a glance before sending him his usual string of insults—which Harry had uncharacteristically just nodded and agreed with--before the final ligilimens. Now he peered suspiciously at the boy, who was once again examining the floorboards with great fascination. An assortment of half-healed bruises, cuts and burns littered the boy from top to assumed bottom, and one of his arms hung uselessly at his side as if it were broken. _How could anyone have missed this?_ Snape thought, a slight twinge of pity stirring in his usually cold heart. Stupid, senseless muggles.

"Walk Potter," Snape ordered and watched as Harry limped slowly to the door and back, pain shooting up his right leg.

"Madam Pompfrey, Potter, and I do not want to see you back here until you are physically fit for the usual onslaught of ligimency." He said, pointing to the door. Harrys head shot up, eyes wide. He shook his head emphatically, eyes pleading.

"No. Please sir, no." he begged.

"Why ever not?" Harry mumbled something about not wanting to bother anyone, and Snape rolled his eyes. "Potter, you bother everyone. You're bothering _me._" He said. Harry nodded again, eyes downcast.

"I know." he said quietly. Snape was taken aback for a moment, expecting a glare and an angry retort. He decided on a course of action.

"Well then _I_ will just have to deal with you. Follow me," he said, billowing out of the door and towards his rooms. Harry followed at a slower pace, leaving Snape tapping his foot impatiently by his door. When Harry finally got there, he ushered the boy inside and ordered him to sit on the couch, while Snape went into his laboratory for potions. Grabbing some, he sent it floating out the door towards Harry. "Drink those!" he called, grabbing the last two and reappearing in the living room as Harry downed the healing, malnourishment reversal, blood replenishing and fever-reducing potions. Once the boy finished, Snape told him to lay back on the couch—which he quickly transfigured into a bed—and to drink the last two: Bone regrowth and dreamless sleep draught. The last would normally not be needed, for the bone regrowth had its own sleep inducers, but Snape had noticed the dark circles under Harrys eyes and wanted to be thorough. Not, as he told himself, like he cared. Once Harry was sleeping, Snape left quickly, on his way to see the headmaster. There were a few important things the man needed to know.

-

-

-

Harry cowered in the corner as his large uncle made his way towards him, trying desperately to sink into his mind, away from the fear and pain, and not quite succeeding. Vernon grabbed Harry roughly and threw him against the far wall. "Fag" he muttered as he watched the by curl into the fetal position. Harry's eyes were now empty, knowing what was coming and powerless to stop it. Vernon advanced on him, a menacing grin crossing over his flabby face. "NO!" Harry shouted, flinging his arms up in a feeble defense.

"Potter. POTTER. _Harry_!" Harry woke with a start, thrashing around and throwing his fists at whatever was shaking him. The hands let go immediately as Harry opened his eyes to see a fuzzy picture of Snape standing hauntingly over his bed.

"Now tell me potter, what was that about?" The man asked.

"I…I had a bad dream" Harry answered, shaking in the aftermath.

"Potter, are you aware that you took dreamless sleep potion?"

"Nooo…" Harry said slowly, calming a bit.

"Potter," Snape sighed, "There are only a few things in this world that can scar the human mind so deeply that dreamless sleep draught is ineffective. I think that you need to pay a visit to our dear Headmaster." Harry's eyes widened once again and he shook his head, hair flinging messily to all sides. "Then I will be force to tell him for you."

"You don't…know? …Do you?" Harry asked, body rigid.

"I have…formed an educated guess." Snape replied. Harry bowed his head and whispered something.

"What was that?"

"Im disgusting" it was no louder than before, and if Snape had not leaned closer, he would not have heard it. Severus straightened.

"You are not." He said firmly. He was very uncomfortable with comforting Harry, and even more so with the knowledge the boys dream had revealed. "Who was it, Potter." Harry shook his head and turned his back to Snape, who sighed. "Potter, I don't want you to tell me anymore than you do, but unfortunately, since you refuse to visit the headmaster, you can either tell me, or I will go inside your mind and look. Which do you prefer?" Harry looked at Snape for a long time, then said bitterly,

"What do you care?"

"I don't, potter, but the headmaster does, and since you refuse to go see him—someone who actually wants you there—you are stuck with me. Now what do you choose?"

"Just do the spell."  
"Have it your way, Potter_. Ligilimens_!" Snape braced himself as the memories came at him once again. There was Vernon, Snape had seen him in Harry's memories before, but this time the man was completely naked. Harry must have decided that Snape had seen enough, because it changed. Now his fat cousin stood before a folded figure, nine other boys surrounding the curled up Harry. Dudley threw a book at Harry, a black and red book with journal scrawled in gold across the top.

"Fag! Filthy little gay boy!" one of they boys yelled, and set to kicking Harry mercilessly. Then the memory stopped, and Snape was back in his own quarters, standing rigid next to a gasping Harry. Once he got himself under control, he said tonelessly,

"Your uncle. Your cousin and about nine of his friends. Anything else I should know?"

"No" Harry said, curling up in the same fetal position he had used when his uncle or cousin came at him. _I can't belive I told Snape!_ He thought, slightly enraged at himself.

"Potter,"

"What?"

"…I will be back shortly." Harry heard the door close rather loudly behind him. _Snape! I told Snape!_ Was Harry's last thought before he drifted into a restless sleep once more.

"Potter," Snapes voice woke him from yet another nightmare for the second time.

"Huh?" he said, rubbing his bleary eyes and casting around blindly for his glasses. A thin, pale hand shoved them into his searching hands and helped him to sit up, retracting quickly when he got his bearings.

"Potter, as you know, the headmaster is quite mad," Snape said as Harry nodded enthusiastic agreement, a small smile on his face. "And as a result of his insanity, his cure for you is to never go back to the Dursleys." Harry's face lit. "And," Snape continued, knowing it would wipe the growing grin on Harry's face, and not caring, "Since I seem to be the only one you can stand being near, you get to stay with me." He finished. Harry was quiet. "You brought this on yourself," Snape reminded him.

"Yes but…you'll actually _let_ me stay?"

"I have, as the headmaster reminds me, no choice in the matter." Snape drawled and Harry nodded, a strange look in his eye. Almost like disappointment. _Disappointment? Severus, you are delusional, _Snape thought. _Wait, why would you want there to be disappointment, Snape?_

"Ok…what should I do know?"

"That is a bit of a problem. You refuse to go around anyone else?" Harry thought, and then nodded.

"Ron and Hermione are ok, but they're sort of…off in their own little world. They don't have any time for me." he said after a moment.

"Pity." Snape said unemotionally. "Then you will be confined here for the time being." He added.

"Where is here, exactly?" adding "sir" at snapes intense glare.

"My personal quarters." Snape said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh!" Harry scrambled out of the bed, which, with no further use, turned back into a couch. "I'll leave. Im sure I will be ok, I mean, all I have to do is—"

Snape sighed. "No, Potter. If you tried to go around as you normally do, among millions of other people, you will, for lack of a better word, break down. And if you attempt to, as you say, bury yourself, you will die. But the experiences before you die will be…most unpleasant."

"How do you know all that?" Harry asked incredulously.

"I have a great many books."

"Really? Can I see?"

"You do Miss. Granger proud." Snape said sarcastically. "Perhaps another time. For now there is the issue of where you will sleep. My quarters consist of my room, sitting room, laboratory, library, and a very small room which up until now I have been using as storage." Harry looked around, guessing which room was which.

"Uh…I can sleep on the couch. Or the storage room. If that's ok, that is," Harry added.

"Potter, that room is smaller than your dorms," Snape warned. Harry shrugged.

"It can't be worse than my cupboard." He said, and Snape nodded.

"True. Lets go take a look, shall we?" he said, leading Harry through a door on the left. Harry gasped. "This is my library. The storage room is connected—"

"I'll take it!" Harry interrupted excitedly, looking around in wonderment. The room wasn't much bigger than snapes classroom, but it reached up for about three levels. On all four walls were large bookshelves, stretching up unbroken for all three stories. There were two slightly shorter bookcases in the middle, and couches, chairs, cushions, and pillows littered the floor. Candles floated all around, keeping a safe distance from the flammable books, but close enough to make suitable light for any reader who chooses to call. The only free space on the floor was a tiny patch near the door where Snape said you put your shoes. "You are not to trod on my cushions in your muddy shoes," he said, and Harry heard him just vaguely as he took his shoes off and padded over to one of the middle bookcases, reading the tiles soundlessly. When he reached, for a book, Snape spoke up,

"Perhaps you should take a look at the storage room and help me get it habitable first." He said, a hint of amusement in his steely voice. Harry looked saddened for a minute, then he put the book back and followed Snape to a corner, where a section of the right wall bookcase pulled away like a door.

"The secret annex," Harry whispered, and Snape almost laughed.

"Muggle books potter? I didn't think you would lower yourself—" Snape cut himself off, thinking that this was perhaps not the best thing to say, especially if Harry took 'lower yourself' in the wrong context. _God only knows how many times I have felt like I was the scum of the earth, low enough to have sex with--Why did I say that?_ He thought. Harry did take it the wrong way, his face went slack and blank and his eyes stopped the steady flow of emotion that seemed to come out of them. This time Snape had to literally slap him out of it. "Now Potter, you know that's not what I meant. I simply implied that you read muggle books instead of the great many Wizarding ones." Harry looked at Snape, confusion evident. A bit of defiance also. _That can only be good,_ Snape thought.

"I think its wrong that we just stood by and let all that happen. We could have helped so many, and stopped it right away. But instead we let 11million people be killed in fear of our race being found out. Its not right." He said.

"Its good to know that potter, however, you cannot wallow in guilt that does not even belong to you. You would drown in misery if you did that. Sometimes our own guilt is even too much. So I suggest you do not feel guilty for something that happened before you were born." Snape said. Harry looked at him for a while and them nodded, stepping as far as he could into the storage room and imagining that all the boxes and cauldrons and such were gone. He smiled.

"Its perfect!" he exclaimed, enthusiastically picking up a box in a feeble attempt to begin cleaning his new home. Snape stopped him with a glare.

"Really Potter, has time away dulled your senses completely?" he asked, waving his wand at most of the stuff, which disappeared almost instantly. Harry turned a dull red before answering truthfully,

"Yes."

"Well no matter how dull, I'm sure you can still smell, lets get rid of this dust…" and thus the afternoon was committed to cleaning Harrys new room so that it was fit to live in. By the end there was a bed, dresser, and trunk, all burdened with Harry's things, which they had flooed from his dorm. When both Snape and Harry at down in the living room, exhausted, it was almost 11pm and too late to visit the Great Hall, had Harry been able to anyway.

"Im sure your hungry, Potter," Snape said as Harry shrugged.

"I know I _should_ eat, but I'm not hungry. I mean, my stomach doesn't hurt." Harry explained.

"That is because your body is used to going for days, maybe weeks without food, and it has adjusted to this cycle. While this is actually very useful, my intentions are not to starve you." He pulled a cord near the fireplace and Winky appeared, sniffing. "Y-Y-yes sir? How may winky help you sir?" she asked.

"Just some leftovers, please, winky. No need to start the cooking fires for us." Snape answered and winky was gone with a small pop. Noticing Harry staring at him, Snape whished he had been a little meaner to the house elf. "What?" he snapped.

"Nothing sir. Its just that you weren't a complete git for once." Harry said, and then twitched, as if he expected something bad to happen. Snape was about to retort angrily, but realized that Harry had just spoken his mind, which was definitely a good thing. He sighed.

"Forgive me, I forgot myself," he said snidely just as winky appeared with their food. Ravenous, they both forgot all conversation and concentrated solely on their food. Harry was done long before Snape and sat back with a sigh.

"That was good" he commented. Snape was now finished as well; thought he had only eaten half of the food piled on his plate. He stood.

"My room is there," he pointed, "Only disturb me if it is absolutely necessary. Im going to read in the library. You are free to roam and do what you will, just no messing around in my lab or room." Harry nodded and closed his eyes as Snape made his way through the library door.

Snape was reading in the far corner in his favorite chair when he heard Harry enter. Looking up in annoyance, he saw the boy sit quietly in a beanbag after taking off his shoes, pull out a book from his pocket, and started writing in it. Snape recognized it as the journal that the fat boy had thrown at him. Harry looked up after a few minutes and realized Snape was staring at him. He stood.

"Im sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. I'll go to my room—"

"Potter, you are not disturbing me. I was thinking about something."

"Oh." He said and slowly sat back down. "Ok." Harry began to write once more.

"I have reason to belive that something in that journal caused the Dursley men to act the way they did this break. Would you like to tell me about it?" Snape said after another 15 minutes had passed.

"Why, so you can go report to Dumbledore? Or better yet, laugh at me and tell me to get over myself?" Came the bitter response, the quill never ceasing in its scratching.

"I am merely curious" Snape replied. There was silence and Snape went back to reading, figuring that Harry had decided not to tell him.

"They found out I was gay." A toneless voice broke into his thoughts. Snape looked up.

"I see. Thus the 'fag' comments. Was it a clear statement or rather the way you wrote something?" Harry hesitated, and then decided to tell Snape almost everything. He flipped to the page in his journal that the Dursleys had seen and read it aloud.

"June second,

I can't belive it! What possessed me? I let them get to me again! I didn't do any magic, but I yelled and punched Vernon. It's not like I'm sorry. Not for that, anyway. Im sorry I got in trouble. Three weeks without food. That's probably the longest I've gone. I will be ok though. One of their new ideas is to put me back in my cupboard and give Dudley back his old second room. I think he did something really special…yep. He got himself a girlfriend, daisy, I think her name is. She must have all the sense a daisy does, to be going out with him. ARG! How stupid can I get! Snape's right, I haven't got a thought in my head." Harry paused, as if reading over something before he read it. "I'm gay. There, I said it. I know it's even stupider to write it down where someone could read it, but writing it gives it confirmation. Yes, after Cho, I just…I just realized I didn't like girls. At all. So anyway, im going to sleep now, since that is about the only thing I can do besides write. And if I do that too much, I get yelled at. And if they found this book…goodnight." Harry stopped reading and closed the book while Snape thought through all he had said.

"You mentioned me." he commented finally.

"Yeah. It was hard to admit you were right at first, but with your insults running constantly through my head, it got easier." Harry said blandly, going back to his writing. Snape was silent for a while. Then,

"Why is it that you never believed those insults before, but once you acknowledged your sexuality, you suddenly find it true?"

"Er…"

"Or perhaps you were more ready to belive me because being gay was more abnormal, and thus my insults _had_ to be true."

"Uhm…"

" Being gay is not so strange. Some men just prefer to be with other men, Harry. You cannot help who or what you are." Harry stared at him, slack jawed. "What?"

"You called me Harry," the boy said when he finally gained control of his mouth. Snape sighed. _Tell him its ok to be gay and all he registers is the use of his first name. _Snape thought irritably. "Well," Harry said, deciding to ignore the fact that Snape had said something nice for once. "Its not like it matters now."

"Whatever do you mean?" Snape asked, hoping it wasn't as he thought.

"No one would want me now." It was as he feared.

"Potter," Snape said warningly as he heard Harrys tone deaden. Harry shook his head slightly.

"Sorry. I'm really trying not to do that. Thank you for helping me." he said sincerely. Snape was a bit stunned, but managed a brief "your welcome," in response. They fell back into silence for several more hours, Snape reading and Harry alternating between that and writing. By the time it was three in the morning, both had finished their books and were staring blankly at one another, considering a new book. Snape finally realized that he was describing Harry's eyes in his mind, and said,

"Go to sleep, potter."

"Can't" there was silence.

"Why?" Snape asked, though the answer was evident.

"Why do you think?"

"Ok." Snape didn't feel like starting a fight, he was too tired.

"And you?" Harry asked curiously.

"Insomnia."

"Oh. Why?"

"Nothing you would either know, nor care about, potter."

"Try me." Harry said defiantly.

"No." Snape said harshly.

"Ok." Minutes passed. Maybe hours.

"Potter, if the Dursleys got a hold of your journal, I doubt they'd give it back. Based on what I know of them, im surprised they didn't just throw it into the fire." Harry grinned lopsidedly at Snape, who shifted a little in his seat.

"They tried. That was the only fight I did win. My journal…its my only solace." Harry answered.

"And when one's solace is in danger, one finds inner strength." Snape said almost jokingly. Harry grinned.

"Yep." Harry said, candlelight flickering in the emerald depths of his eyes.

"We should really try to sleep." Snape said, unmoving. Harry laughed bitterly.

"I would rather stay awake, thank you." He said.

"Yes well so would I, but what little sleep we gather helps us to stay alive. Unfortunately they haven't invented a potion that can do what sleep does for us." Snape retorted.

"If you want to stay alive, that is." Harry said.

"Yes, I suppose that makes a difference." Snape said quietly. "Goodnight, Potter." He stood and went to the door.

"Harry, my name's Harry." Harry said, eyes glowing.

"Harry then." Snape knew he would question his sanity in the morning, but right now, the name felt right on his lips.

"Goodnight, professor Snape." Harry said, still not moving from where he sat. Snape was about to point out that Harry should us his first name too, and then stopped himself abruptly. _Maybe he doesn't want too._ He thought. He left the room swiftly, telling himself he imagined the whispered "Severus" that followed him out the door and hoping the boy got _some_ sleep.

Harry stayed awake until the early hours of the morning, drifting off for a while before he was woken by another dream. It was even worse this time, for no one was there when he woke. Shivering, he curled back up to try and catch some more sleep before the sun rose fully.

I've been here, before, a few times,

And I'm quite aware we're dying.

A/N: So what do you think? Do you like it? Is it OOC already? Let me know! Please! R&R! - Hmmmm im tired. Don't know why, but I am. Ok so now im all caught up, and the stuff in my notebook is now also on here…- I think I will go to sleep, even though its only 5:04pm, Sunday. Goodnight… ok I guess im no tired enough…maybe a shower…yeah…and then I will go over to David's house and maybe watch rent. Yep, that sounds good. Well, see you later; the next chapter will be up soon! A big thanks to my betas, Yami-chan and captain oblivious, and the unofficial ones, Keiko, sunshine, and jess!

Next Chapter: Harry needs to start regular lessons, but he can't stand to be around others. So does this mean Snape will have to teach him all by himself and teach a bunch of other kids potions? We'll see…

Oh, and I hope you liked my straight as a circle and full blown flaming queer. The full-blown flaming queer came from keiko/Jason/G, and straight as a circle came from Michael. Ty all!

Ttys,

Kozi


	3. Chapter 3: Complications

A/N: ok so here I am again, back at my laptop that Mrs. Clarke fixed for me! (She fixed my spacebar) anyway, its now after 8, or around there, and im bored again (watching rent for the music) and so I figured id write more. I would love a review, plz, plz, plz? Anyway, I just wanted to point out that I do requests. Oh, and I would like a challenge, if no one minds! ;) Just drop me a review. Im gon kill that 'READ THIS PLZ' thing, it was stupid. Oh, and one other thing, im re-doing all my stories…I think its called revamping, right? Well anyway, they might disappear for a while, but I promise they'll be back! 

Kozi

Chapter 3: complications 

Harry woke again, not because of a dream, but because someone was shining a very bright light in his eye, and yelling his last name.

"What?" he growled, irritated. He had been having a very good dream about a certain professor…and he did not like getting woken up by said professor. He sat up some, covering his lower half by a blanket he had conjured sometime in the night, trying his best to glare at the object of his affections. Contrary to the dream, it was reasonably easy to do it.

"Are you aware that it is now almost noon?" came the cool and calculating voice of Severus Snape. He noticed Harry gathering the folds of the blanket around himself, but chose to ignore it.

"So?" Harry did not see why this concerned him at all.

"So, we need to figure out how this is going to work," said and over-pacient voice.

"What do you mean? I stay here. Its that simple." Snape rolled his eyes.

"You cannot stay here forever, potter. You will have to face the world someday. In the meantime, my job is to teach you how, and—"

"How would you know?" Harry interrupted and Snape glared.

"That is none of your concern. The point is, that is only one of your lessons. There's still transfiguration, charms, potions, DADA, --"

"Yeah, well, you know all that, don't you?" Harry asked, looking at Snape curiously.

"Mister potter, if you think I am going to give up my classroom hours so that you may get a full education, leaving the rest of the school without a potions master, you are sorely mistaken," Snape said dangerously.

"Oh…right…" Harry said, a bit sheepish. "Sorry. Er…can't I just read all my textbooks, and then all the books you have on those subjects, and when you get back her after dinner you can help me with the practical part?"

"Potter…One, I have way too many books on those subjects, you could hardly finish them all, two, when, between grading papers, preparing the potions lessons, our occlumency, and the other lessons I must teach you, will I find time to help you with the practical part?"

" Well, I have all year to read your books, and since we both can't sleep much, I'm sure we'll find enough time." Snape fixed him with a look.

"Hopefully potter, you will not be here all year. We will try it this way. Now I suggest you get up and start reading your textbooks." Snape was at the door when Harry's small voice forced him to stop.

"Do you really want to get rid of me that bad? Am I that obnoxious?" Snape turned and sighed.

"No, potter. But the point is for you to get over this." Snape winced inwardly, for he hadn't said that the right way.

"That's it? Get over it?" Harry asked, wondering if it was that easy.

"Potter, its not as easy as that. It will take years for you to finally be able to lead a semi-normal life. But getting you out and amongst the other students is a start." Harry nodded, and satisfied that he had gotten his point across, Snape started to leave again.

"I told you to call me Harry, remember?" Came the voice again.

"Potter…"

"Harry. Its Harry."

"No. Potter, I refuse to go past a student teacher relationship. We are not supposed to like each other."

"I wasn't implying that, I was just saying that since we are living around each other almost 24-7, the tension would ebb a little if we used first names." Harry explained, assuring Snape tha he did not mean to imply a sexual relationship.

"It would still be best if I called you potter." Snape persisted.

"Why though?"

"Because. Getting into a friendly relationship with the boy who lived is not the best idea for a death eater. When I have to go to him again, it will be a little hard to conceal the fact that I have had you in my hands and not delivered you to him yet, let alone keep the fact that we have a friendly affiliation with each other from him."

"Oh. Im really putting you at risk aren't I?" Harry said guiltily.

"No more than I already am."

"Oh…Im sorry. I will leave anytime you ask me too. I don't mean to force myself on you or anything…" Harry said, and Snape felt almost bad for telling him about the dark lord.

"I am allowing you to stay here for the time being. You are safe here and your safety is the top priority, right now. What I don't understand is why you insist on it being _me_. Why _I _am the only one you can stand to be around absolutely puzzles me."

"Er…well…im not sure myself. But when I figure it out, I will let you know." Harry said, smiling a little. "Wait…why did you call me Harry yesterday?" Harry asked, confused again. _He looks cute when he's confused,_ Snape thought, and immediately banished it. _No, Severus. Bad idea,_ he thought for perhaps the tenth time.

"It was late, I was tired."

"Oh…are you sure? Id feel a lot better if you called me Harry. Potter is…my dad." _I would love to call you Harry._ Snape thought, cringing as it entered his mind.

"Exactly" he said aloud.

"Im not my father," Harry muttered.

"No, you are not." Snape said. Harry looked up, startled. "You are Harry. I just do not think it would be a good idea. Calling you Harry would be fine with me, if not for the constant burning of my dark mark. We just cannot, allright?" Harry nodded reluctantly.

"Can I call you Severus?"

"No, that would defeat the whole point!" Snape almost yelled.

"Allright, allright. Well, I plan on spending the whole day reading, and I think you have class in…Ten minutes." Harry said, giving up. Snape cursed and left with a very quiet "Goodbye, Harry." He didn't think Harry had heard him, but he heard and equally as quiet, "Goodbye Severus. See you soon." Come from behind him. He smiled a little, then schooled his face back to vacuity before going to torture little ravenclaw's.

Harry got comfortable at one of the tables in the library, setting up his transfiguration book on the handy stand and getting out his wand, which he had been forced to leave behind at school for safety reasons. He looked around, satisfied, and then realized that he should probably eat. Thanks to the Dursleys, he wasn't too hungry, but he knew that he should get back onto a regular eating habit. He wandered out into the sitting room and pulled the string cautiously. Instantly, a familiar house elf appeared.

"Dobby!" Harry said, smiling at the elf.

"Mister Harry Potter! What can dobby get you sir? Its very good to see you, yes it is. Mister Snape said that you would be here for a while, and to get you whatever it is you need, sir. What can Dobby get Harry potter?"

"Wait dobby, did you say Snape talked to you about me?"

"Yes Harry potter sir, mister Snape came to the kitchens this morning and told me to do whatever you tell me to, sir, as if dobby wouldn't! He said that you would be staying here, sir, and to be your house elf for a while!" dobby said excitedly.

"Wait, my house elf?"

"Yes sir, dobby is now working for you sir, so all you needs do is to call my name sir, and I will appear!" Dobby said. "What is it you are wanting, Harry potter sir?" he asked.

"Er…breakfast?" Harry said, still confused.

"Yes sir Harry potter! Dobby will be right back, and if dobby doesn't do it right, dobby will run in front of the train and—"

"No, dobby. I order you no to harm yourself in any way!" Harry said, used to giving this order by now. Dobby beamed and disappeared. He came back in less than ten minutes and served Harry a large plate of eggs, kippers, bacon and hash browns. He watched anxiously as Harry devoured the food in record time, sending dobby off with an empty plate and going back into the library to study. He stayed like that for four hours until Snape came back. The man walked slowly into the library, not wanting to disturb the working boy. He laid a hand gently on Harrys shoulder, and Harry flinched away, turning to look at him with fear filed eyes. Snape pulled back quickly, wanting to erase the look of fear, pain and hopelessness on the boy's features.

"Sorry." He said quietly, as Harry calmed.

"Its ok. You just forgot. I can't…it just…reminded me…"

"Yes, I know. Its ok. How far did you get in your textbooks?"

"Good!" Harry said enthusiastically. "I got through most of transfiguration, and DADA. I already knew most of it, but I reviewed it, you know, cause I figured you'd be mad if I didn't, and then I found a lot of interesting things in charms book, but I stopped in the middle because I saw this book on that shelf over there," he said, pointing, "and I wanted to read it for some reason, so I got it and started reading, and it was about potions! Only this one was really old and I found some interesting things about—" Snape held up his hands to stop Harry. Looking slightly amused, he checked the cover of this fascinating book that had caught Harry's attention, and laughed, surprising Harry so much he promptly fell of the chair.

"This is _my_ favorite book," Snape explained as Harry got up off the floor, looking like a disgruntled cat.

"Really? Out of all of these? How can you _choose?_" Harry asked, sweeping his hands around the room for emphasis.

"I don't know, but I just find it surprising that you picked _this_ book, out of all the others in here. I was not under the impression that you liked potions."

"Well yeah, seeming as how you insulted me every two seconds, I did not find it too fun. But when you aren't there, constantly telling me Im doing it wrong, its actually fun." Snape looked at the small smile on Harrys face.

"True. I need to make some Veritaserum for my next class. You are welcome to help." He turned abruptly and left the room, leaving Harry to stare at his back. They had been getting along moderately well, and then Snape just…cut him off. he shrugged, wondering if he should go help. Not being able to resist any longer, he took off after Snape to try his hand at Veritaserum.

So here I am, I'm trying,

So here, I am, are you ready…?

A/N: ok, sorry if the chapter was short, but I need to go to bed now, and I wanted to finish it. Erm…I think it's a little OOC, so don't be surprised when I revamp it. Erm…yes Snape is def. OOC, which, as I have mentioned before, I hate. I will go back and change it. Or…hmm yes…next chapter will be something along the lines of: Harry sorta tells Snape how he feels about him, and Snape rejects him (like Snape usually would) Harry takes it the wrong way (you know, as in 'no one would want to be with me anyway because I am unworthy') and Snape has to fix it, and explain why he rejected him, and still be Snape! Arg what have I gotten myself into here! Oh well, I will be writing the next chapter soon, 17 pages so far! ;)

Kozi


	4. Chapter 4: over and over

A/N: the next idea came from one of my reviewers stories, the reviewer was Andrea Jacobs, her stories are really cute, and out of a lucky cool thingy, I get to be her beta! (I promise it will be tons better than mine!) her stories and really cool and good, so check her out! oh, and I tried to make the cutting part different from all my others, so tell me if it is, ok? the next chapter is nothing like what I said in my last A/N, that will be chapter 5 or 6…

Kozi

Chapter 4: Over and Over 

Harry helped Snape as much as he could with the Veritaserum, impressing the man with his knowledge. Not that the man showed it, of course. When Snape was gone again, using the Veritaserum to torture innocent students, no doubt, Harry went back to the library to read. He couldn't concentrate; his mind just kept going back to the break…and what happened. He sat down against a wall, bringing his thighs up to his chest and looping his arms around his lower legs, burying his face in his knees. As much as he tried to bring himself to, he could not weep. The pain and grief and…self-loathing filled him to the brim and yet he could do nothing to ease it. Nothing…He willed himself not to think of the small, shining knife he kept in his pocket, tried as hard as he could to let a single tear slip from his eyes.

But his eyes remained dry and no thought could get past the overwhelming urge. He leaned back against the wall slowly, reaching into his pocket with deliberate slowness. Once he had given into the urge, he could take as much time as he wanted, drawing it out to savor every second until the possession that the thought had on his mind passed and he could think clearly once more. And with that clarity would come guilt, wanting, and again, hating himself to the point where the cycle started over. His hands grasped the small knife firmly, lifting it out of his pocket. He looked around and decided on going somewhere more private, for Snape could walk in at any time… and for Snape to see him so vulnerable, so depressed, would make him want to die even more.

He got up and walked to the bathroom, locking the door with several locking spells he had found recently in one of snapes many books. He sat down and flipped open the knife, watching the candlelight flicker over the silver sheen. He pulled back his sleeves and set the knife against a clear part on his skin, a part not covered by silver or red scars. He left it there for a minute, seeing how long he could hold off.

Five seconds…

Ten…

Thirty…

He pressed down hard, letting the knife slip effortlessly through his pale skin, watching the gushing red follow the silver quickly. Harry was so intent on the dripping scarlet liquid, he did not see nor hear Snape enter the bathroom quietly and effortlessly. He did not even look up until a quiet voice said,

"Potter." At this Harry started, dropping the knife and staining the tiled white floor with maroon blood.

"I…" he started, but Snape turned and left, going into the library and closing the door. The grip on his mind gone for now, Harry slowly cleaned off the knife with deliberate care and pulled down his sleeves, not even bothering with the already healing cut on his arm. He walked slowly to the library door, slipping the knife back into his pocket and stopping before it, unsure. He vaguely wondered why Snape had not stayed to make sure he didn't hurt himself again, and then he remembered. Snape didn't care, he never did. He was only here because Dumbledore had asked him to be. Harry wanted to stay away from Snape, but he couldn't, for the only way to his room was through that door. He sighed and opened it, making a beeline for his room, ignoring the other presence there. When his hand was on the crack in the shelf that separated the door from the rest of the bookcase, a stern voice said,

"Come here, Potter." When he hesitated, Snape said, "Now." Harry walked over to where Snape was sitting and slowly sat down at the mans feet.

"There are perfectly able chairs that can hold your weight," Snape snapped. Harry shook his head hard, causing his frail body to shudder. "Very well. Tell me." It was not a request, more like an order. Harry looked up into snapes blank face, which revealed nothing, as always.

"I don't—"

"You know perfectly well what I mean, Potter. I can see from those scars that you have been indulging in this nasty habit for quite some time."

"I…what do you care!" he burst.

"We have already explained this, Potter."

"You see? You don't care. So I don't need to tell you shit 'cause NO ONE CARES!" Harry yelled.

"No one cares, Potter? I happen to know that you have a great many people who care! What of your two best friends, and that Weasley girl? The whole Weasley clan, for that matter. And don't forget all your worshipers out there!" snapes voice stayed in its low tone, but all the same made Harry cringe a bit. Harry curled up, as he always did.

"Once and if I tell Ron and Hermione, they will be disgusted with me. How could they not? I had sex with my own—" His voiced failed him. When he found it again, he continued. "And you. I honestly don't see how you can stand the sight of me. _I _can't. And once those 'worshipers' as you call them, hear that their precious hero is anything like this, they will want nothing to do with me. Like with the parsletongue, and when they all thought I was mad, and…" his voice trailed, leaving his sentence hanging in the air.

"Potter, your friends have been with you forever. They are true and loyal and are not about to abandon you for this. As for being disgusting…you don't really belive that, do you? You did not cause it, it was involuntary, you were the victim." Harry said something very quietly, and, forgetting himself, Snape leaned over, resting a hand on the boys shoulder. This resulted in the youth twitching violently. He quickly withdrew, still bent over so he could hear. "What?" he prompted. Harry turned towards him, eyes glaring, still unable to cry, though he badly wanted to.

"You don't understand! That's what makes it so god damned horrible! I _did_ want it! _I_ _did!"_ Snapes face did not change at the news, though he was slightly startled.

"No Potter, you did not." He said firmly, and Harry's eyes grew wild. The boys stood, looming over the calm man, body rigid.

"What, are you going to tell me what I _think _now, along with what to do? Im pretty sure I know my own _revolting desires!"_ He heaved a dry sob. As worked up as he was, he still could not cry, and that killed him. His own feelings tore up his insides, with no knife and no tears to let it out. Snape saw the look on Harrys face, and knew what the boy was thinking.

"Give me your knife." He ordered, extending his hand. Harry recoiled, clutching his left pocket protectively. "NOW, POTTER!" he yelled finally. Harry shrunk away in fear, throwing the knife at snapes feet and running to his room. Snape stooped to pick it up and flipped it open. Looking it over, he ran his thumb lightly over the blade, not even twitching as the sharp peice of metal bit into his skin, for it was a very sharp knife. He walked over to Harrys door and stood before it, wondering if he should talk to the boy now. He knew what had caused Harry to say he had wanted it. For all Harry knew, he _had_ wanted it; knowing that he was 'abnormally' gay, and then his cousin and uncle raping him had caused him to belive, wrongly so, that his own attraction to men led to the rape, and meant that he had wanted them in that way. He had probably convinced himself that his 'revolting desires' for men meant that he wanted _those_ men, since he had grown up around them. And the two Dursleys probably had helped convinced him of this by saying things along the lines of: "You like that don't you, you sick fuck." and "Is this what you want?" Snape sighed and left for his own rooms. If he tried to explain it to Harry, the boy would reject everything he said and possibly get worse, perhaps stop eating, among other things.

(A/N: ok, so I hope I explained harrys problem right…if there's anything you don't understand, let me know and I will try and explain it better.)

Harry sat on his bed looking at the long cut he had made, unable to think of anything, except the horrors that had unfolded over the break. Things he himself had caused. His mind flashed to pictures he would rather forget, images of himself being tied down and gagged, naked and unable to prevent what was coming next. He knew that he must have wanted it, why else would his body have reacted the way it did? But…he had been crying and throwing up the whole time too…he shook his head, hard, trying to clear the images flashing through his brain. He picked up a book, and after a few minutes of staring at the same paragraph, threw it to the side. He curled up on the bed, trying to sleep, though it was only five in the afternoon. He just stared unblinkingly at the wall for a really long time, mind roaming. His thoughts always turned back to the break, though, and after a while, he got up again and started to pace. He couldn't stand the enclosed space, his thoughts bounced around the room, terrorizing him. He walked hesitantly out into the library, and when he saw that Snape was no longer there, he sighed in relief. He sat on one of the cushioned chairs and started to write in his journal again.

At first it was just an itch, easy to ignore in his mind. Then the thought grew, consuming every other thought. He tried to push it away, half annoyed that it came back so quick. It only did that when he was really depressed, or…he curled up on the large pillow he had been sitting on, pulling one of the blankets around his thin form and resting one hand beneath his head, the other squeezed a pillow. He shut his eyes tight, clutching the pillow in an attempt to rid the nagging thought. His last conscious thought before drifting away in the undertow of sleep was; '_maybe snapes right…no…_'

Snape had been reading for two hours in his room, and now his book was over. He needed a new book and he was sure that Potter was still in his room, so he walked to the library and picked another one. Only on his way out did he notice the small figure curled up beneath a blanket, lying on an enlarged pillow. He walked over to Potter and looked down at him. The sleeping boy's raven hair fell in random streaks across his face, tickling his nose and brushing his cheeks. It was messier than usual, each fine strand sticking out in different directions. Harry was curled up as small as possible, hands curled under his head and one arm looped around a pillow tightly. He looked so peacefully, his face not consorted in his usual look of pain, self-loathing, and anguish. Snape did not want to disturb him, but the boy would get cold if he stayed here all night. He sighed. He bent and lifted the small figure easily in his arms, careful not to jar him. He carried Harry to his room, opening the door with his wand. The blanket Harry had been entwined in brushed against snapes legs as he set Harry onto the bed and he pulled the heavy comforter over the still sleeping boy. Harry's long black lashes did not even flutter, not giving Snape the chance to see those beautiful jade eyes. He walked out, closing the door quietly and padding back to his room for a long night of reading.

Harry had woken slightly when Snape carried him to his room, but he felt so warm and safe in the mans arms that he had not stirred, going back to sleep the instant he was put down in his bed. Now he was awake, his mind slowly regaining consciousness after almost seven hours of dreamless sleep. Correction: nightmare-less sleep. He had still had the good dreams… he was awake now, but there was nothing to do. He stretched cat-like, then got up slowly, scratching his head and yawning loudly.

"I take it your up," a voice drawled, calling through his door. Harry walked over and opened it, looking into the library to see Snape sitting comfortably in a chair, a book in his lap. Harry yawned again and nodded, adjusting his glasses.

"There's nothing to do." Harry complained, going to sit in a chair around the general area of Snape, not wanting to crowd the man.

"Potter, look around. You are in a library, there is always something to do." Snape said.

"Yeah…but that gets boring. I mean, reading is great, don't get me wrong, but I have been reading, eating and sleeping non-stop since I got here," Harry replied, moving around in the chair until he was sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce. Snape rolled his eyes.

"Potter, if you do not want to read, im sure there are plenty of other things we could be doing. We could have occlumency lessons, or I could help you with the practical part in your school studies, or—" Harry cut him off by shaking his head violently, saying, with some amusement,

"No, I wanna do something fun!" he said, pouting.

"Perhaps we have different ideas of what fun is. What do _you_ want to do?" Snape replied, a tiny bit annoyed. Harry thought.

"Im not sure…" he said aloud, concentrating. Snape voiced his thoughts (for once).

"Potter, how is it that only a few hours ago you were so depressed that you were slicing open your own skin and yelling at me, and now you seem perfectly happy and normal. Well, normal for you, anyway." He asked. Harry looked confused. And then he blushed.

"Well…" Snape waited. "I…uh…er…its because…" Harry looked down. "Well…when you weren't here, I felt lonely and depressed and I didn't really want to do anything. And now you are here, and everything is ok again."

"So you're saying its simple loneliness?"

"Not exactly…"

"I see." Harry looked up searchingly into snapes eyes; worry filling his own vivid green ones. "Potter, I have already explained to you that we cannot go past a student-teacher relationship."

"I know." Harry said, hanging his head.

"Do you understand why?" Snape asked, knowing what Harry must be thinking.

"Yes. Me."

"No. Because of the dark lord. And his demands." Snape replied.

"And if Voldem—the Dark Lord wasn't alive, or wasn't real?" Harry asked, keeping his tone casually bland.

"I don't think so."

"Ok." Harry said, looking very pained. That boy never could hide anything.

"It is not because of what happened. That does not bother me in that way. It is because I am your teacher, and you are my student. It is unethical." Snape said, choosing his words carefully. He had to get the idea out of Potter's head without hurting or breaking the boy again. Or without giving him the wrong idea.

"That doesn't matt—"

"Yes, it does."

"I don't see why. If two people love—"

"This cannot possibly be love, Potter. It is merely a crush you have on me. And since I am the first person besides your friends who know you are gay and do not totally reject you for it, you cling to the idea of being with me." Snape explained.

"Yeah but I liked you before all this! I've liked you for a long fucking time, even before I came out to anyone about being gay!" Harry yelled.

"As I said before Potter, its an infatuation, a crush."

"So you do not have any…er…feeling for me?" Harry asked quietly, whole face going red.

"I care for you as a human being, someone who has a right to a good life and does not deserve what has been done to them." Snape said, again trying not to lead Harry on and still let the boy know he is cared for, of not in that way. Harry just looked at him with those emotional green eyes. (EMO EYES!…Sry…. Oo)

"Ok…" he said slowly. Snape sighed.

"So what is it you want to do?"

"Fly." It seems Harry had already decided this.

"Well, seeming as how you won't leave this room, and about half the school is on the quidditch pitch right now, I do not think that would be the brightest idea." Snape said.

"Oh…well…I know somewhere we can go, I mean, if its ok with you, I mean—"

"Where, Potter?"

"Well, you could apparate us into the forbidden forest and I can fly in there unseen. And your welcome too, I mean, if you like to fly. Do you like to fly?"

"Potter, I'm surprised to hear something not half-bad leave your mouth. And no, I do not…enjoy flying." Snape answered standing. Harry got up excitedly, rushing to his room to get his broom. (HA! I rhymed!) Snape soon wondered what he was getting himself into as he allowed Harry to grab his arm and they swirled off to the forbidden forest. When they got there, Harry looked around, examining the gray skies and bare trees.  
"What are you going to do, sir?" he asked politely. Snape conjured a chair with a flourish and sat down with a book. "Read, of course." Harry answered himself, taking off on his firebolt. He swirled around lazily in the air a few times before zooming up into the clouds and out of sight. Snape shook his head as he heard whoops of joy and concentrated on his book.

A/N: ok so once again, its time for bed, and my mommy is bugging me to get to sleep NOW, so if there's any mistakes, im sorry. Please review and tell me what you think!

Kozi


	5. Chapter 5: Progress

A/N: ok, so just so you know, here is my schedule, as in, when I am able to be online, so you can talk to me! I really just feel like making lists right now…

6:30: wake up

7:00:be at school, eat

7:20: School starts, first period. No pc access

Second period: Student assistant, PC all period (one hour)

Third Period: Math, no PC

Fourth Period: Tech, PC all period

Lunch: Pc all period

Fifth Period: Sci. no PC access, usually

Sixth Period: Homeroom, no pc…usually

Seventh Period: No pc…

Go Home: PC from 2-5:30pm Mountain Time

Saturday's: From 11-5 I CAN be on, but I might not be. I can also be on from 7-whenever I want, if we go to Troy's house. We don't usually tho…well, lately.

Sunday: From 12-5, but might not be on.

Ok sorry…that took up a lot of space. Ttyl!

Kozi

Chapter 5: Progress 

Harry rode around in the air on his firebolt for a while, contemplating all that had happened since the beginning of his sixth year. He knew that he was unworthy of Snapes affection, let along his care, but he still somehow hoped that Snape would see him differently. He knew it was hopeless, for the reasons Snape had said, along with the knowledge Harry knew to be true; that he was already ruined for anyone who would or could love him. As if anyone could.

He sighed, swooping lover and lower until he came out of the cold clouds, shivering slightly. He dipped low enough so that he could set down quietly on one of the branches of the surrounding trees. He sat, looking down at the lone, dark figure beneath him. Leaves swirled down in an angling spiral, falling on and around Severus. The man picked one off his book and looked at it for a little bit, before letting it fall from his hand and drift to the forest floor. Harry was pretty high up, so much that Snape was barely visible through the thick branches, and yet he felt comforted in the fact that the only one who made him feel safe was so close. He leaned his back against the thick tree, looking out across the other treetops and into the pallid gray sky. He let the thoughts run through his head in a sporadic method, not even paying attention to them as they passed. The boy followed a raven with his eyes, watching the large black bird plummet to the ground and then spiral up, a worm wriggling in its beak. Harry sighed, again.

"Potter if you are going to continue to sit up there, will you please be a little more quiet in your musings?" came a slightly annoyed voice from beneath him. Harry blushed.

"I didn't think you could hear me," he admitted.

"You must be under the impression that I am deaf as well as blind, for no one could have missed that landing." Snape said sarcastically.

"Sorry," Harry said honestly. Snape went back to reading, and Harry stared off into space once more, savoring the conversations he had had with Snape over the past few days. Sevruses voice drifted up casually from his seat under Harrys tree.

"Out of curiosity, Potter, what made you think I was gay, anyway?"

"I didn't—"  
"Well you must have, to want to be with me. Or did you think you could change me sexuality?"

"I didn't. I mean, I didn't really know. I guess I assumed. And I didn't really think about it too much. I was more focused on my attraction to you. I'm sorry." Hearing real sincerity in the boy's voice, Snape decided to drop it, going back to whatever he was reading. Harry's voice broke into his thoughts, however,

"Are you?"

"Am I what, Potter," Snape said, momentarily forgetting the conversation he had just had.

"You know…gay?"

"What do you think?" Snape asked, curious to know what Harry had thought.

"Er…well…I don't think that's a good idea to ask me what I think, since what I want probably interferes with that." Harry said reasonably, and Snape wondered if there was something that caused Harry's random mood swings…from depressed to outspoken to happy to quiet…he would have to read up on it.

"True enough. I'm not too willing to answer this, but if it helps you understand, so be it. I was…infatuated, you could say, for it was not love…I do not think, with a girl in my year. Her name is not important at this time, Potter, so do not ask. Anyway, as you know, I did not have any friends, and so was a loner and reclusive. For the most part I liked being alone, until I experienced the same…urge…as you did earlier yesterday. I never said anything to that girl, and its well enough, because after I joined the death eaters, I was not fit to kiss the dirt on the bottom of her shoes, a feeling I'm sure you have experienced. Something that confused me was feeling for a male death eater in our group, but I learned to ignore it. So, to answer your question, I'm not really sure." Snape finished, wondering if he had gone mad to be sharing something so personal with the boy who was supposed to hate him.

"Ok…er…ok" Harry said, as if deciding not to ask a question that was one his mind.

Harry kept his legs looped around the branch he had been sitting on and let his body fall, causing him to hang upside down. He placed his hands on the next branch down and swung, hanging by his arms right side up. He continued this until he was on one of the lowest branches, hanging upside down with his legs looped around the branch above snapes head. Snape, it turned out, did not like having Harry swing down from above and plant his face right in front of his own, for he pushed the boy to the side violently. Harry flinched and moved further along the branch, so he was hanging next to the man.

"So what are you reading?"

"_Night_." Snape said tersely, at first thinking Potter wouldn't know the title, but then remembered that the boy had read a lot of muggle books, and probably had read up on the holocaust after reading the Diary of Anne Frank.

"Do you always read such depressing things?" Harry queried curiously.

"No Potter, just yesterday I was reading the happiest elf." Snape said sarcastically.

"You read a Series of Unfortunate Events too?" Harry asked disbelievingly. Snape growled deep in his throat, but unlike the new, vulnerable, Harry, the boy did not shied away, he just looked at Snape persistently.

"As you may not have noticed, my library is filled with _all_ kinds of books. And I have read them all. To ignore a book because of its suggested audience is to deny yourself learning." The man finally replied.

"That's smart. Wise. I mean wise."

"And you corrected yourself because…?"

"You sounded so educated, and I felt dumb hearing my voice and word choice next to yours." Harry explained.

"I see. Are you going to leave me alone and fly some more or should we go back inside?"

"Er…I would rather sit and talk."

"About…?"

"Books."

"Ah, of course. What would you like to discuss?" Snape said, as if he had expected that reply.

"Well have you read Night before?…do I even need to ask that question?" To Snapes silence, he said, "That's what I thought. Anyway, I wanted to know what part of the book you liked the best."

"Like? How could anyone possibly _like_ what is in this slim volume?" Snape almost spat, bitter about the passage he had been reading.

"I suppose like is the wrong word. Er…the part that moved you the most? Shocked you, made you want to cry, made you feel something strong in some way?" Snape thought.

"Well, something that really made me sad was the part after the death march, where he finds his friend the violinist, and right before he goes to sleep, he hears…well hold on, let me find the passage in the book, its more…whatever when you hear it because the author put it perfectly…" as Snape started to search, Harry spoke up, reciting from memory.

"_He tried to sleep. Was he right or wrong? Could one sleep here? Was it not dangerous to let your vigilance fail, even a moment, when at any minute death could pounce upon you?_

_I was thinking of this when I heard the sound of a violin. The sound of a violin, in this shed, where the dead were heaped on the living. What madman could be playing the violin here, at the brink of his own grave? Or was it really a hallucination? _

_It must have been Juleik. He played a fragment from Beethoven's concerto. I had never heard sounds so pure. In such a silence. How had he managed to free himself? To drag his body from under mine without my being aware of it?_

_It was pitch dark. I could hear only the violin, and it was as though Juleik's soul were the bow. He was playing his life. The whole of his life was gliding on the strings—his lost hopes, his charred past, his extinguishing future. He played as he would never play again._

_I shall never forget Juleik, how could I forget such a concert, given to dying and dead men! To this day, whenever I hear Beethoven played my eyes close and out of the dark rises the sad, pale face of my polish friend, as he said farewell to an audience of dying men. I do not know how long he played. I was overcome by sleep. When I awoke, in the daylight, I could see Juleik, opposite me, slumped over, dead. Near him lay his violin, smashed, trampled, a strange overwhelming corpse."_

Tears were running down—or should we say up? —Harrys face, though his eyes remained strangely open and unblinking. Had Snape not been Snape, the man would have been gaping, but no, this man was much too dignified for that.

"You memorized it?"

"You would not belive how many times I have read that book. Along with Dawn, the Accident, the Town Beyond the Wall, the Gates of the Forest, A Beggar in Jerusalem, and the Fifth Son." Harry replied, wiping away his tears almost angrily. Snape nodded.

"That scene…its…" he tried to explain it, but for once, words failed him.

"Yeah…" Harry breathed. "It makes me ashamed and guilty for my thoughts sometimes…"

"What thoughts?" the man asked sharply.

"You know, the suicidal ones…"

"Ah."

"I mean, this guy lived through all that and survived in spite of everything, never trying to die, always fighting to live, and when I compare what I have gone through to what he has gone though, I feel puny and small. He went though so much and he never once longed for death to take him, and here I am, going through…one winter break of something close to hell, and I have those thoughts all the time!" Harry ranted.

"Potter..." Snape warned. "There is…this man had gone through so much, it is so overpowering, that you mind would go into shock if you had to live through it, like he did. Your whole brain shuts down with only one single thought to occupy it: _live_. You…your mind can still grasp what happened to you, so you're in a different stage: self-loathing, depression, something close to pain, but far greater. Do you understand?" Snape explained and Harry could only nod his head.

"Yes sir…I think so. But how do you know? I mean, I don't mean to be ride or imply anything, but I doubt a book could tell you all _that._" Harry said finally.

"…We all have our own horrors and pasts, Potter. And if I choose not to discuss mine, you have to accept my wish." Harry looked away.

"I didn't get that choice with you."

" That is because you are the student, and I am the teacher."

"As you keep reminding me." Harry said derisively.

"Yes." Snape replied firmly. He turned his head to the side to see what Harry was doing and Snape realized that Harry was looking at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Er…" Harry blushed and Snape rolled his eyes.

"Are you done flying?" the man asked.

"Uhm…no. I wanted to…yeah. I will be done soon, is that ok?"

"Be my guest. I have much to entertain me…" and with that Harry was gone, swinging back up the branches to get his firebolt. He jumped off the largest branch when he grabbed it, plummeting five whole feet before he got his broom under control and took off into the dreary sky. Snape shook his head at the boy's foolishness, going back to his place in the book.

When Harry was done he let Snape know by landing about one foot away from snapes chair, dropping something into the mans lap. Snape looked down in awe.

"What is it?" he asked, hesitantly picking it up.

"I don't know. It was sparkly." Harry said, awe instilled in his voice as well. They were looking down at a small, flitting, sparkling _thing_. It was light. A small, white-blue light that glittered and dazzled the eye. It was cool to the touch, and didn't move unless you moved it. It floated though, hovering just above your hand when you picked it up. Snape cupped it carefully in his hand, watching unblinkingly as the…_thing_ settled above his hands. Harry watched it too, covering it after a minute. Sure enough, as his cupped hands touched snapes over the thing, the light dimmed and it almost died. Harry immediately moved his hands away and the light grew stronger.

"Wow…"Harry whispered.

"Shiny indeed," Snape said, voice still slightly misted. He allowed Harry to grab his arm and they apparated back to the library, hoping that the thing would stay in Snapes hand, so they could research it. It did, and Harry and Snape sat down at one of the tables, allowing the light thingy to roam. It was stronger than the candles, and the poor flames couldn't stand up to it, and blew out. It gave of steady light and even heat, and the two set to work at snapes many books, excited about the prospects of finding something new.

"Where did you say you found I?" Snape asked, flipping through Magical Elements and Creatures of the Twentieth Century.

"Well I was just flying around, and then I saw something flicker and I thought it was the snitch, that it had gotten loose or something, so I went after it. And then I caught it really easily. Then…I came back and gave it to you."

"I see. Then we should be looking in here…" he lugged a large book up from under the desk. One that read; Beings of the Sky; Seen and Unforeseen. Harry nodded agreement and dug into one that said: What is in the Other Realm, the Gateway in the Sky. They stayed this way for quite some time, only talking to discuss and idea or to get a new book.

A/N: so, what is the sparkly thingy, you may ask? I don't really know…it was shiny, like Harry said, so I plucked it out of the sky and entwined it into my cute little story here. It let me of course, because it is cool that way. And now it's glinting its way around my room, waiting for me to use it again! (Lol I is weird…Oo). And Harry needed to give something cool and special and unique to Snape and it was shiny. I'll figure out what it is when I get there…er…so review please! I will love you forever! How ya likin the quick updates?

Kozi


	6. Chapter 6: Reiki

A/N: THANK YOU to all the wonderful people who have reviewed my story soo much! I love my quick updates as much as you! (well, perhaps not…) anyway, its now 9:30 at night, and since I stayed up all night last night writing chapter 5, I admit I am a bit sleepy, but am prepared to stay up again until chapter 6 is complete! Lol all I need is some sugar…spots cheesecake Mmmm…OO brb…ok so now I'm back and sugar-hyped and am ready to go! I got an idea from a story on and I'm using it. Only changing it in a slight way. I hope the author does not mind, and takes it as a compliment, for it is a really wondrous idea, if sad and horrifying. R&R!

Kozi

**Chapter 6:**

Harry and Snape stayed up all night, barely noticing the change in time, for the steady stream of light coming from the thing helped them to forget that time does in fact change. Harry was having a discussion with himself, for the potions master was far too wrapped up in reading to pay him any mind.

"Well we can't just keep calling it the thing!" "Yes we can" "Well, no, we can't. We should name him. Wait how do we know it's a him? Oh well. It will be a him for now. Hmmm lets see here…how about…Jo? No, that's stupid. What was that one name? Er…Reiki, yeah, that's it! Lets call him Reiki!" Harry exclaimed. An annoyed voice entered his musings.

"What the hell are you rambling about, Potter."

"Oh…uh, nothing sir, I was just saying that we should come up with a name for him. It. Er…and then I thought; 'how about reiki' and I think it likes that name." Harry replied, batting the thi—reiki away from his head, for the thing had been rubbing itself against Harrys cheek appreciatively.

"Ok. When you are done with your ramblings, I think I have found what it is…" at Harry's excited expression he continued, "I found it in this book, (Myths of the Sky) and I think it might be the answer we are looking for." He cleared his throat and read a passage. "_The Aroua is a magical creature that reveals itself to those who are in most need of it. Usually very bright and sparkly, they vary in color, shape, and even sound. Depending on the needs of the one who finds it, the colors are as followed: blue for a depressed subject, white for a fallen subject, yellow for a happy subject (these ones are rare) and green for a dark subject. When one finds a combination of the colors, the thing is for both reasons implied. The sound is usually a mild ringing in the subjects mind, and when the aroua is abnormally strong, feeding off the subject's emotions, it will emit a song, one that compliments the feelings of said person. The 'voice' of the aroua is unnaturally perfect in every way and usually causes anyone that hears it to feel the exact emotions of the one it has become attached to, usually causing the surrounding persons to burst out laughing or break down crying. A wizard who is lucky enough to come by a aroua is in great need of it, and also the person will have someone dear to them nearby. The light the aroua gives off dims and glows according to its 'hija's' mood, strong light for happy, dim for sad, and it will completely black itself out if its hija is in a depressed or suicidal mood. These beings are mostly found in the sky, though some dwell in water, earth, and fire as well. Rarely is one found in ice. They were born of the five elemental powers, first used on enemies in times of war, then gradually getting scarcer and scarcer as the millenniums past. Now it is quite rare to find one. Little is known of how these aroua's can find their hija, though it is rumored that the person attracts them with their need, depending on the volumes of it. Usually the aroua is used as a link between the hija and their soul mate, saying things by song that others cannot." _Snape stopped, letting out a huge sigh as he did. Harry thought through all the man had said.

"Soo…reiki chose me because of what happened? And then…it will sing when I feel a strong emotion, as well as brighten or dim depending on my moods? And…it links me to someone I love or who loves me, and it found me by how strong my feelings are?" Harry asked, blushing slightly. Snape nodded mutely.

"That's what it says…it certainly describes Reiki well…there's no other thing it could be." Snape said. Harry was quiet and Reiki dimmed considerably. "Potter," Snape warned, sighing. Harry looked at him, pain filling his eyes. "Potter, perhaps you should take a shower, and then go to bed," Snape said, standing. Harry nodded and went into the bathroom. "I had all sharp objects and your wand removed earlier, Potter!" Snape called after him before sitting on the living room couch and ordering some food, so they both could eat when Harry came out.

He waited. And waited. Finally when the door opened, he was about to comment on the time it had taken when Harry rushed out of the bathroom, clad only in a towel, towards his own room. Snape figured the boy had forgotten his change of clothes, and was about to remind Potter that a spell called 'accio' existed, but then remembered that he had taken the boys wand. He shrugged. He watched Harry's retreating back until the boy disappeared into the library, his mouth suddenly hanging open. On the boys back, carved in by a knife, it seemed, were the words 'freak' 'fag' and 'whore'. The scars were deep and new, red and puffy. Snape sucked in air, shocked. Had those muggles done this to him? He couldn't…he did belive it. He had seen some of the things Harry had gone through, enough so that he possessed no shred of anything relatively close to liking for the Dursleys. And it seemed there was yet another thing Harry had forgotten to mention. How many other horrors would he find buried deep within Harry's memories?

When Harry came back into the room, sitting down in fresh clothes and digging into the food Dobby had supplied, Snape tried to act normal. He took a bite of his food, which should have tasted exquisite, but now fell to ash in his mouth. When Harry had finished, looking at Snape's full plate disapprovingly, he turned to the man with a questioning glance.

"Turn around, Potter." Snape ordered, and as Harry did so he gently rolled up his shirt, exposing the torn skin. He ran his fingers slowly over the words, engraving the sight in his mind so that he would never forget. He traced the words lightly, gathering his thoughts.

Harry whimpered, moving away slightly from Snapes touch and flinching as the man's finger grazed his skin. Snape let go immediately and allowed Harry to move as far away from him as possible without actually leaving the room. "I'm sorry, pott—Harry. I forgot. I did not mean to cause you unneeded distress. I only wanted to mark that sight in my mind so that I can always remember—"

"How sick I really am." Harry finished for him.

"No, so that I could remember how horrible those two treated you and remind myself why I am killing them, when that time comes." Snape corrected firmly.

"What?" Harry asked, still curled into a ball by the library door.

"When the time comes for me to kill them, I want to remember each and every single thing they did to you so my punishments are just and vengeful. Oh yes Harry, did you not know? The headmaster has ordered me to find a fair punishment for the Dursley men, giving me full reign in the matter."

"Your, your going to kill them?" Harry whispered as Snape nodded. "For _me_? I don't deserve—"

"You deserve everything, Potter. A good life, with someone you care for." Snape said gently.

"Well when that said person rejects me, that's kind of hard, don't you think?" Harry asked, moods changing once again. Snape sighed.

"Not _me_, Potter, I am not the one for you."

"How would you know?" Harry challenged and Snape shook his head, dismissing the matter.

"Come here Potter, I can reduce the swelling in those cuts and possibly heal them over, though unfortunately the scars will remain readable for the rest of your days." Snape said regrettably, beckoning Harry forward. Harry shrunk back.

"No. No, I deserve them I deserve what I got." He said firmly, as if he believed those words with every fiber of his being.

"No, Harry, you do not. No one deserves that. Especially not you." Snape said gently, trying to make the boy see.

"How do you know?" Harry whispered, wanting desperately to belive it, but not quite understanding. He _had_ deserved it, after all.

"Because, Harry. The only living being on this earth who deserves that carved into his back is the Dark Lord himself. We will forget for now that two very sick and twisted creatures still reside at number 4, Privet drive, for I will take care of them when the time come. I belive there is a spell…" he drifted off thinking, and Harry came over hesitantly, lifting his shirt to reveal the cuts once more. Snape accio'ed a healing balm from his lab and started gently rubbing the lotion into harrys skin, the cuts rapidly decreasing in size and color. Soon there was only thin silver lines shaping the words, the cuts had completely healed and turned into scars. Through the whole thing, Harry had not moved once, allowing Snape to work the lotion into his back.

"Better?" Snape asked.

"Much," Harry sighed, getting up from his seat on the floor and arranging his shirt to his liking. He yawned and waved in the general direction of Severus, going off to bed for a hopefully dreamless sleep. Snape went to his room also, getting into his own bed and reading for a while before a restless sleep overtook him as well.

Reiki followed Harry to his room, settling behind the desk so his light would not disrupt Harry's sleep.

Snape woke up some time in the middle of the night to hear the purest, most beautiful sound he had heard in all his life. He got up quickly, following it to Potters bedroom, where he stood outside the door to listen before entering, entranced with the music.

_Winter winds have gone and faded,_

_I told the skies of thoughts of grey,_

_Tears upon my pillow laying,_

_A child lost to pain, I pray, for better days._

Snape looked down at the sleeping Harry, who was tossing and turning as if in a horrible nightmare. Severus put his hand out to calm the boy, who immediately stilled at his touch, breath steadying as he began to breathe normally again. Snape sat on a chair he conjured as the music continued, grasping Harry's searching hand with his own. Harry pulled snapes hand under his head and curled up into a tighter ball, a look of peace settling on his face.

_Lift me up; lead me from this place,_

_Let your love be mercy on my face,_

_Rising up I change before your eyes,_

_Out of darkness standing in the light…light!_

He had never heard anything so awe-some, so sad and full of hopelessness. He allowed Harry to keep hold of his hand as he listened to the breathtaking voice that came from the ever-dimming reiki. His heart twisted uncomfortably, the aroua allowing all of Harry's emotions to flow out of the song and into the listening man's mind and heart. He was filled with hopelessness and longing, depression and despair. He gave a soft cry, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden flow of feelings.

_Heaven hoped, you'd come and change me_

_Out of that just make me whole_

_Lift me up and recreate me _

_Help me overcome myself, lead me from hell_

Snape fell asleep in that chair, sitting next to Harry's bed, hand being gripped tight by a lost and forgotten child, a beautiful song playing in his ears, through his mind, and throughout his heart.

A/N: ok I hope you liked that…that song was in the light, by full blown rose. It's off the Elektra soundtrack. Yes, I am aware that its Draco's song, but it seems to fit this particular Harry, ok? So yeah…I'm so wiped. Sorry if this chapter is a little short, but I'm so damn tired I can't type another word. Gooding everyone, don't forget to press that little blue button, don't worry, it likes you! -- Conks out on the keyboard G'night…Drools

Kozi


	7. Chapter 7: A Picture Worth Everything

Ok, I'm awake, and feeling fine, mostly cause I slept in till 12, but anyway, this will all be posted tomorrow, for today is mothers day and I doubt I will find time to post it. If I do, happy mothers day to you! So yeah, enjoy and review plz!

Kozi

Chapter 7: A Picture Worth Everything 

Harry's eyelids fluttered open, exposing his emerald eyes to the world. The first thing the boy saw was Severus, sitting in a chair next to his bed with his arm extended out. Harry followed the arm to find that he was clutching snapes hand with his own, and almost let go out of shock. Severus looked so peaceful asleep, face not in its usual frown or smirk; Harry didn't want to wake him. The boy snuggled closer, butting the mans hand affectionately with his head like a cat. Unfortunately this woke Snape, who was not at all happy to find himself in Harry's room with his hand being grasped firmly by the boy.

"What the—" he started, standing up and looking around angrily for the sneaky little aroua.

"I could ask you the same thing." Harry said happily, refusing to let go of the man's hand.

"Can I have my hand back, Potter?" Snape said irritably, massaging his sore back with his free hand.

"No." Harry said, holding on tighter. Snape tried to pull away, which only resulted in pulling Harry closer to him.

"My God!" the man exclaimed, stumbling back and falling over the chair, hitting the floor hard. This caused Harry, who still refused to let go, to follow right after him, landing on the disgruntled professor with a thud.

"Well good morning!" Harry said brightly as Snape tried to push him away without success. Suddenly Reiki appeared, glowing very intensely and emitting a bouncy and lively song, with questionable lyrics. (Venga boys 'boom boom boom boom'…heh…)

_Spend the night together, for now until forever,_

Snape sat all the way up, causing Harry to tumble to the side, finally letting go of his hand and laughing as he rolled over on the floor. Snape stood; trying to look dignified, but only resulted in looking silly and abnormally tall, looming over Harry, who still rolled on the floor. So the man righted the overturned chair and sat, waiting patiently for Harry to get up.

"My god Potter, this early in the morning?" Snape asked, glaring at Reiki, who still emitted the song.

"Hey its not my fault, you're the one who stayed with me all night, loaning me the use of your hand as a pillow!" Harry laughed, getting up and sitting back on the bed.

"I belive we can blame reiki then, for its overpowering music last night." Snape said, going sober at the thought of those lyrics, which still ran through his head. "Why you can like _me_, now that is the question," the man continued, fixing Harry with a look, who blushed.

"I don't know…you're…your all…Snape." Harry tried to explain.

"Very observant, Potter," Severus said dryly.

"I'm sorry. Its…I can't really explain…" Harry said, giving Snape a pleading look.

"That's quite allright Potter, I understand. I don't even know why I brought it up. Now how about some breakfast? I'm starving…" at Harry's enthusiastic nod, he got up to go order some food, leaving Harry to ponder the conversation. Reiki, who was now finished with his song, followed Snape, bugging him senseless with yet another song. It seemed Harrys strong emotions never ceased. This song had something to do with 'don't leave me', which Snape of course ignored. If the boy wanted company, he could have followed Snape out into the living room, for Pete's sake!

They ate in silence. Well, any silence that came between songs, which continued to play non-stop throughout the meal, to snapes annoyance. Harry bubbly and happy after a fitful sleep at last, chowed his food quickly and bounced around the table waiting for Snape to finish.

"Come on Severus, let's go! It's Sunday! We should do something! Come one come on come on!"  
"What did you call me?" Snape asked dangerously.

"Severus! Come on lets go lets go lets go already!" Harry yelled at the top of hiss lungs. Snape wanted dearly to press Harry to the wall and close off his air pipe, but restrained himself barely because of how Harry would react, setting all the progress back and into the negatives. Finally when he was done eating, he banished the plates away and followed Harry into the library.

"So what should we do now, Severus?"

"I told you not to call me that." Snape growled, almost at his wits end. Harry paled slightly.

"Right. Sorry I…forgot…about…_him_." Harry replied, abashed.

"Lucky you," Snape muttered.

"Sorry" Harry said again. "So what should we do, _professor_?" he put major emphasis on the word, voice almost bitter. Snape sighed.

"I don't know. You should get outside, I heard it's a good day…"

"I know!" Harry said excitedly.

"What?" Snape asked apprehensively.

"Well, it's this muggle place…"

"What, Potter? Out with it!"

"Erm…well…I'm not too sure you would go for it…see…it's a theme park…"

"A what?" Harry smiled brightly at that.

"Never mind lets go! We need to dress muggle though, and it's across the sea, can we apparate that far?"

"_What_ is it Potter?" Snape asked, not about to go anywhere unknown.

"Erm…well its called Eliches…" (Brief a/n: sorry if you don't like it, but the idea of Snape on a roller coaster was too good an idea to pass up! heh…or the sea dragon…;)!)

"And what, exactly is this place?"

"Well, see, its where muggles go to…have fun! And you could use some serious fun. It's a little high-spirited for someone's first theme park but its really fun. It's like…er…" Harry tried to find a Wizarding equivalent to Eliches. "Uhm…well for me it would be the triwizard tournament, but since you don't like flying…a potions convention? With all this cool fun…knowledge there?" Harry looked expectantly at Snape, who nodded slowly.

"Ok…and what exactly is there?"

"Er…rides?"

"Rides." Snape stated, wondering if he had heard right.

"Yeah, like roller coasters and other fun things and stuff!" Harry said enthusiastically!

"And how are we getting there?"

"I don't know, can we apparate there? Its in America…I don't know of any others than the one in Colorado…do you know where that is?"

"Yes. I also have muggle clothes…"

"Great! Lets go get dressed and meet back here and then we can go!" Harry said, rushing to his room to change. Snape shook his head, wondering what he was getting himself into, and went to change as well.

When he came out, he looked at Harry critically to see what the boy had chosen. He wore large blue baggy pants with a hole in the knee and a plain gray t-shirt that was way to big for him. His hair was as messy as always and his glasses hung slightly crooked on his nose. Harry also took a long stare at what Snape was wearing, black trousers with a navy blue shirt and black over coat. His hair hanging by his face as usual.

"Potter, before we go anywhere, we are going shopping for you. You need some real clothes." Snape said and Harry nodded, returning to his room to get gold, which he tried to hand to Snape. "No, I think I shall have the pleasure in paying today, Potter. Come along…" the man said, refusing the gold. Harry put it sulkily into his pocket and grabbed snapes arm as they apparated out of the library and into a small muggle shop in the middle of downtown Denver. Snape followed Harry around as the boy browsed nervously through clothes, picking out blacks and blues of all varieties.

"Potter, just because I wear blacks and blues all the time, does not mean you must go parading around as my twin. Here, this will suite you better," Snape said, holding up a light green tee that matched Harry's eyes perfectly. Harry smiled at him and took a pair of jeans off a rack, holding it up to the tee. "That's better. Lets go then, we don't have too much time," Snape said encouragingly, following Harry once again as the boy picked out more suitable colors for himself. When they exited the store, they were carrying two full bags of clothes each, with Harry wearing the green tee and blue jeans. Snape sent the bags back to their quarter with a discrete wave of his wand and motioned Harry to lead the way to this Elitches place. Harry stood nervously, looking in all directions. "Potter, have you ever been to this place?"

"Not exactly. The Dursleys went here on holiday and I've seen commercials on TV, but I haven't actually been here…" Harry said, looking at Snape worriedly. Snape sighed.

"Well, we'll just have to ask someone," he said and stopped a random girl who was walking quickly down the street. "Excuse me, do you know where we could find Elitches?" he asked politely, and she smiled brightly at him.

"You mean six flags? Why sure, I'm on my way there now! I just got a season pass and…" she trailed off, going into a rant about Elitches, or as she called it, six flags, bounding down the street with Harry and Snape following in her wake. "So where are you two from? You don't seem to be from around here…" she asked, smiling at the two as she stopped to push a button at a cross walk.

"Er…were here from London, on holiday." Harry answered, catching his breath.

"Ohhhh cool! I live here. Well not _here_ exactly, more like over there," she pointed down the road, "But I come here a lot with my friends, and I'm going here today just by myself, cause no one else would come with me. Are you visiting someone or just here alone?"

"Er…we are here alone…" Harry answered for them both again.

"Oh ok! Well, were almost there, see that white tower?" she pointed to a very, very tall white tower that was perhaps a couple streets away and started walking, for the light had finally changed. A car skidded to a halt inches away from them ant the girl started yelling at the driver, using crude words and hand signals. When they got to the other side, she continued, "Sorry about that. Stupid drivers don't now what they're doing. Anyway, that tall white tower is the lookout tower, and the blue one is an actual ride, the tower of doom, and…" she continued to describe the visible rides in detail, making Snape start to wonder about his sanity. He looked at Harry, who smiled at him bravely and shrugged.

"Can't be too bad," the boy whispered to Snape.

"I'm sorry, my name is Nicole. What's your names?" the girl asked them, stopping finally outside the gates.

"Er…I'm Harry, and this is…" Harry looked to Snape for his answer.

"My name is Sean. Where do we pay?"

"Well, if you don't have a season pass, you go through those lines and pay for your tickets in cash. Then you go further in, those lines, and they take your ticket, and then you can enjoy the rest of the park for free, besides the food and games. But all the rides besides the slingshot, xiler8er, bungee jumping and rock climbing are free." She said brightly. "If you want I will wait in the ticket line with you, cause as I said, I have a season pass…" she offered. Snape looked at Harry. Harry nodded slightly and pulled two passes out of his pocket, which he had, of course, got by magic (discreet magic that Nicole had not seen).

"That's ok, we've got passes too!" he said brightly, showing her the cards. She smiled at him and bounced over to the second line, Harry and 'Sean' following her. They got through the line without mishap and started through the pavilion towards the large doors. They walked outside, shielding their eyes from the sun and looking around. To the right was the entrance to the water park, not yet open, and straight ahead was the rest of the park. They walked that way, Nicole disappearing into the crowd. They got to where the pathway split again, and Harry tugged snapes sleeve.

"Can we go on that? Please!" he whined, pointing to a large wheel like thing with swings hanging down from it.

"Oh my god, Potter, there is no way I am getting on that." Snape said, his eyes going wide at the very thought.

"Oh please! Why not?"

"It would be completely undignified," Snape said in the most aloof way possible.

"So? Your Sean, remember? You're not Professor Severus Snape, former death eater and spy for the order. Come on, please?" Harry pleaded. Snape looked at the swings apprehensively. Then he looked around at all the other visible rides, and figured that it could be worse. He sighed.

"Allright Potter. But I pick the next one." He sighed and allowed Harry to drag him over to the swings. They walked slowly through the line, just two people among thousands of others, sitting in two of the swaying swings on the farthest side. A loudspeaker came on, warning everyone to keep his or her hands and legs inside the ride at all times. Snape looked over at Harry, who was comically trying to lift his legs up into the seat of his chair, so they weren't hanging out. Snape cracked a smile and was rewarded by a bright beam from Harry, who let his legs swing free as the ride started. They started rotating, getting higher and higher until their feet swung over the large brown beams of wood that covered the waiting area. Snape looked around as the breeze blew his hair around his face, getting a good look at all the rides. Harry laughed, a bright, happy laugh that sounded like an amused five year old. Snape looked over at the boy and saw Harry lifting his hands over his head, eye closed and just relatively enjoying himself. The ride slowed and lowered, coming to a stop and touching their feet back down on the ground, at a different place than when they lifted off.

"That was fun!" Harry exclaimed as he bounced out of the swing and ran down the exit, Snape following closely. Harry stopped suddenly, causing Snape to run into him from behind.

"What is it, Potter?" He asked as Harry turned to him.

"Its your turn to chose!" Harry said, sweeping his arms around the surrounding area for emphasis.

"Oh. Erm…" Snape looked around. There really wasn't anything that looked very safe, large metal snakes twisting up towards the sky and tall towers. He pointed to a large wooden boat, a dragon's head and tail coming out of the front and end. "How about that one?" Harry smiled and raced towards it.

"Ok! Lets go Sean!" he called, getting in line. When it was finally their turn, Harry picked a seat in the very back, where only one other person—a lone girl—was sitting. The bench-like seat was small and therefore Snape and Harry and the girl were all squished together, which didn't bother Harry too much. Snape remembered something as the ride started.

"Potter, why is it you can be around thousands of people like here, but you refuse to go around anyone at school?" he asked.

"Because you're here." Harry said simply. The ride was straightforward, swinging back and forth higher and higher, making butterflies appear in your stomach as it forged a path through the air. Snape didn't respond to Harry's statement, refusing to belive that the boy felt so safe in his company.

"Woah," he muttered as the ride mounted in altitude. By Harry's blush they boy had felt it too.

"That was…weird…" Harry said, face still red. The girl beside him laughed.

"Yeah, we took my brother on this ride. He described how it felt in perfect detail." She said, obviously enjoying the ride.

But it has no effect on you?" Harry asked her, puzzled.

"Why would it? I'm a girl. All I feel is the butterflies in my stomach," she explained as the ride slowed. Harry nodded, laughing as the ride continued and trying to ignore the sensation in his lower atomy.

They got off the ride as soon as it came to a complete stop, and they walked at a more normal pace down the exit, looking around when he was in the middle of the walkway.

"Uhmmm…I wanna go on _that_!" Harry exclaimed, pointing at a large yellow metal twisting thing, and it had a sign on it that read 'boomerang'. The sign was not too encouraging.

"Oh no. Potter, this is where I draw the line." Snape said, glaring at the thing.

"Oh come on Sean, please? Are you afraid?" Harry said with a sly smirk. Snape would not be bated.

"No, I am merely concerned for our safety."

"Oh come on, millions of mugg—people ride this thing every day and they don't get hurt! Pleaaaseee?" Harry pouted, sticking his lower lip out. Snape sighed, thinking it over and watching several cars twist and turn on the mutilated train.

"Oh allright. I choose where we sit." He said grudgingly, leading the way to the long line snaking out from under the shaded region. They waited for a long time, Harry entertaining himself by trying to get Snape to talk to him, who refused.

"Geeze Sean, lighten up! This is supposed to be fun, after all. Aren't you having fun?" Harry asked, genuinely worried that he had dragged Snape into something the man really had not wanted to do.

"Well, that swing ride was amusing, but that sea dragon one was an experience I would not like to repeat." Snape said thoughtfully, with a small smile on his face.

"See? Don't worry, this one will be fun." And for the rest of the long wait Harry just sat on the rail and sang along with the songs playing out of the loudspeaker when the annoying voice wasn't giving instructions. When they finally got up to the platform, Snape chose a place in the very front, sitting regally in a seat as Harry joyously bounced into the one next to him. They pulled their restraints tight over their chest, the ride operators walking by and checking to make sure they were secure. Then it started. There was a groan as the carts were pulled back and up, moving higher and higher up the skeletal rails, and leaving the wooden platform behind. Soon it was very high, clicking as it moved slowly back.

"This is too high." Harry whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. Snape looked around. You could see most of the park from here. There were so many rides, and even more people.

"It starts soo, open your eyes, you can see it all," Snape whispered, nudging Harry with his elbow, who reluctantly opened his eyes and looked around. He smiled.

Then the carts stopped; they were at the end. Snape held his breathe and clenched his teeth, awaiting the drop that would occur when the ride started moving. It came. There was a loud click and the whole train of carts sped back towards the platform, causing the bellies to drop out of all its occupants. Some screamed, others, like Snape, kept their mouths shut. Harry whooped joyously and screamed loudly; only it was a scream of delight, instead of fear or pain, like Snape had heard so many times before. It really was a wonderful sensation, the carts spinning and dipping and flipping as it followed the track closely. There was a flash of light and Snape realized that their picture had been taken. Soon they were going back up an identical incline, only backwards. It clicked slowly up, and then let them go as it did before, only now they were rolling backwards. They went through the same loops and turns until they were back where they started. The train of carts slowly came to a stop and Harry and Snape climbed slowly out, walking at a normal pace down the exit and to the photo booth. They looked for themselves on the large TV screens, and found the pictures easily. Snapes hair was blown back, some twining around his face and neck. He actually had a small smile on his face and his eyes were open, all and all a good picture for one taken when on a raging roller coaster. Harrys hair was blown allover the place, eyes closed, mouth open in a gleeful laugh.

"Can we buy it? Please can we please, please, please?" Harry asked, tugging on snapes arm. Snape looked at the prices.

"Allright." He told the boy, and turned to the clerk. "We'll have one—"

"No, you need to have one too!" Harry interrupted, face scrunching worriedly.

"Allright, we'll take two frame-sized pictures of 8047, please." He said, pulling out some muggle money that was left over from the shopping they had done earlier. The clerk took the money and happily printed them out, handing them to Harry with a smile. He clutched one to his chest as they walked away, handing Snape the other one.

"Thank you," Harry whispered.

"Your very welcome," Snape said, examining his and putting it in a safe place. "Where to next?"

"Its your turn, remember?" Harry said, not letting go of the picture to put it away yet.

"Right," Snape said, looking around. Right in front of them was a large u-shaped thing, made out of the same thing as the roller coaster. There was a large board on it, with two big circles that held maybe ten or more seats. The circles spun as the board moved from one end of the U-shaped ramp to the other. To their left was a very tall tower that lifted three seats that fit four people each all the way up its length and then dropped it. Snape sighed. This was going to be a long, stomach-dropping day. But, for that smile of pure innocence and fun on Harry's face, it would be worth it. And besides, the rides weren't too bad, actually sort of fun… Snape looked around and smiled slightly, thinking that maybe for just a day he could be 'Sean', instead of Severus Snape, even if it didn't last forever, or past today, it might be enough to sustain him. The weight of what he did to muggles and other unwanted races almost everyday tolled heavily on him, even if he did it to preserve his image as a death eater, so that the order could get inside information.

They got home around nine o'clock, thoroughly warn out. They each went to their separate rooms to change, and came out looking much more comfortable, sitting down on the couch in the living room with a sigh.

"Well, Potter? Did you enjoy yourself?" Snape asked, calling for food.

"Yes! I had such a great time, thank you so much, I know you didn't really want to go with me…I never noticed before how many sacrifices you make on my part. What with spying and lying for me and—"

"Potter, I never said I didn't have a good time! It was fun, for once. I haven't had such a good day in…gods maybe twenty years? As for the sacrifices, we all make sacrifices for the better good. I just happen to make more than your average person," Snape said tiredly.

"Oh…ok. Well I'm glad you had a good time!" Harry said, smiling at him broadly. He took the picture they had gotten out of wherever he had been hiding it and looked at it, a misty smile on his face. He looked at Snape. "Can I have my wand back? Just really quick, I want to put an anti-rip, anti-stain, anti—" Snape took Harry's wand out of his large pocket and handed it to the boy, cutting him out of his rant. "Thanks," Harry said and started adding on the charms to the piece of thick paper. Snape rolled his eyes.

"It's only a picture, Potter. It's not that important, it doesn't mean…"

"It means everything," Harry said quietly, putting it away again and handing his wand over to Snape, who refused it.

" Keep it. I expect you to stop your obsession with sharp, inanimate objects, though I understand it will take time…"

"How do you _know_?" Harry asked, irritated that Snape predicted his thoughts and feelings so easily.

"I refuse to discuss this with you, Potter." Snape said, snapping on his usual mask of calm indifference.

"I want to know. I want to understand," Harry said quietly as Dobby appeared with their food. After dobby left, Harry just stared at his plate, waiting intently, ears strained to pick up the slightest sound he heard nothing for quite a while. Then,

"I used to indulge in the same habit, when I was perhaps a slight bit younger than you. I had a little better reason though. I didn't have anyone at all who cared for me. You have a few. All I'm saying is, it took me a long time to realize it didn't help. Much. I just needed to find another outlet, like my spying work. Feeling useful helps a great deal, and doesn't make your life seem so worthless anymore," Snape decided he could allow Harry to know this bit of information, for the boy sorely wanted to know.

"Oh." Harry said dully, feeling guilty and stupid. He started to eat slowly.

"I don't want to discuss this right now. What was your favorite ride?" Snape asked between bites of his own food.

"Uhm…" Harry said thoughtfully. "That white, wooden roller coaster. What was it called, the twister?"

"Twister two, I belive. Though that one was enjoyable, I think that the tower of doom was my favorite, mostly because of the view it held." Snape replied, smiling slightly.

"Really? It was a great view. The mountains? With the setting sun and everything…" Harry sighed. "Perfect. But then we fell! And the bottom dropped right out of my stomach, and—"

"And you screamed like a girl!" Snape said, remembering.

"Hey! So did everyone else!" Harry said defensively.

"I don't belive I did," Snape drawled.

"Oh yes you did! But then your voice sort of gave out and it stopped abruptly after a second."

"Ah, you remember in such perfect detail. Let us not mention that ever again," Snape said, finishing his meal.

"Allright. Thank you, again, so much. I don't deserve someone like you," Harry said quietly, finishing as well.

"One, Potter, as I have said before, you _do_ deserve what kindness you find, and two, you don't _have_ me."

"Yet." Harry added, ignoring the part about him deserving stuff. That was a joke. He deserved what he got. What he had gotten. What he was sure to get when he returned.

"Need I remind you Potter, that you won't _be_ returning?" Snape said, voice dangerous. Harry flinched, though he knew the deadly tone was not intended for him, but for his relatives.

"How--?"

"You weren't keeping your mind closed, Potter." Snape said simply, tapping his head with his fingertip.

"Yes I was!" Harry exclaimed, startled.

"Well, not closed enough then. I do admit I felt a feeble effort to block me out when you felt me starting to enter your mind but not nearly enough—"

"Allright, allright! Can't we have occlumency lessons tomorrow? I'm _tired_" Harry said, yawning for emphasis. Snape nodded and got up, walking slowly towards his door. Harry left for the library and lay down on a large cushion, curling up under the same throw blanket he had used before. He was almost asleep when Snape came in for a book. The man took one look at Harry and ordered him to his room, saying,

"Potter, I might as well transfigure a cushion into a bed for you so you can sleep here, as much as you sleep in the room we made, come on, get up!" Harry nodded sleepily, following Snape blindly into the small room and laying on his bed. Snape was leaving when he heard a small, feeble voice, muddled by sleep say,

"Please, stay with me. I don't—you don't—I don't have nightmares when you here…" Snape stopped and thought for a moment, then nodded, turning one of Harry's books into a large and comfortable chair that reclined. He sat down and put his feet up, reading from the light that Reiki, who had been denied going to six flags, gave off. For the second night in a row, Snape watched Harry drift to sleep listening to a song that reiki projected (Stockholm syndrome), finally falling asleep himself after gently brushing his lips to harrys forehead.

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always 

_Kiss you, taste you, all night, always_

A/N: ok so I hope you like it, its cute, no? I love Snape. I know he's a little ooc…but yeah. Next chapter something happens between them. Sort of. But as we know Snape, he will most definitely and without fail stop whatever it is. For a while, anyway. Ok so I'm going to go watch prison break (was kicked) yeah, yeah, I know everyone hates that show…oh well I like it! Tell me what you think! Chapter 8 will be up by Friday!

Kozi


	8. Chapter 8: Of Scars, Albus, and Kisses

A/N: my arm really hurts cause I got three shots this morning at my physical, so typing strains it a bit! –Complains-. Yeah so, anyway, R&R and tell me what you think! Thank you sooo much all you wonderful reviewers who have stayed with this story and reviewed it sooo much! There are about 40 reviews now thanks to you! I love you! - er….its now Friday and SOMEONE is hogging the pc…soo you will be reading this by Saturday, I hope….

but alas, it is now Sunday, and you wont be reading it till tomorrow…cause I went camping. Sorry!  I tried to post before I left for Kansas but it didn't work cause the PC hates me…or at least my floppy disc. Sooo sorry!

Oh, and er…(ducks mass hugs) this might possibly be the chapter where they get together. Maybe. -…review!

Ps: tell me exactly what you think of the memory plz, its very important to me…

Kozi-Chan

Chapter 8: Of Scars, Albus, and Kisses 

Severus woke up once again with Harry clutching his hand protectively to his face, only this time he was sitting in a more comfortable chair. He shook Harry gently and the boys eyes shot open, wide and panicked. He started to thrash, a small trickle of tears running from his bright green eyes.

"Please, no I'll be good! I'm sorry I'll fix it, just please don't—" he realized it was Snape who had woken him and he blushed sheepishly. "Sorry, I thought, for a moment, I was back—"  
"That's quite allright Potter, I completely understand. Its time for breakfast, and then I need to go torture some students. Friends of yours, I belive, first period potions…" Snape trailed, a sly grin on his face. Harry shook his head in mock sadness, pitying Ron and Hermione. He got up and followed Snape to the living groom, where they proceeded to eat breakfast and talk. Well, more like, Harry talked.

"So professor, what should I do today?" seeing that Snape wasn't about to answer when he had just taken a hearty bite of egg, he continued, "I was thinking maybe I could try brewing the potion your going to make the class do today in your lab, that way I stay caught up, and you can even grade me! What do you think? After that, I figure I will read for a while, and then maybe look up anything else I can find on reiki, do you know if he eats anything? Anyway, I was wondering if you could possibly teach me today after your classes are done. I want to know everything you do about the dark arts so when its time I can—"  
"Potter," Snape cut him off harshly, eyes cold and hard. "You do not want to learn all you can about the dark arts."

"Yes I d—"  
"No, Potter. I highly doubt you want to learn how to make a person's organs catch fire and watch as they burn from the inside out. I doubt you want to learn how to scalp a person neatly with your wand and then watch as they try to rip the rest of their skin off while under the imperious curse, I do not think you want to understand the way the human body reacts to a dose of Haria potion or see the pain someone is in while their eyes blood vessels are popping open." The man said, not touching his breakfast anymore. He had barely eaten any, just that one large bite of egg.

"No. Perhaps I should rephrase that. I want to learn how to defend against that." Harry said quietly.

"Defense? There is no defense. Do you honestly think that such great…. great darkness can be defeated by a few well chosen spells?" Snape spat, standing. He was at the door when he heard Harrys small voice call after him,

"No. Dumbledore said that only _love_ could defeat it. Love, where has that gotten me? Sirius is dead, my parents, everyone I care for will die. So what's the point?" Harry had spitten the word 'love' out like it was a dirty word and he wanted to get the taste off his tongue. Snape closed the door he had opened and sighed.

"I honestly don't know, Potter. All I know is your our only hope. And for some reason or another, we have put our faith in you."

"I don't want to be Harry fucking Potter, savior of the Wizarding world. My whole life has been decided for me since that day and I'm fucking sick of it. Why can't I just be _normal?_" Harry asked, almost pleadingly. Snape sighed and sat down, accepting the fact that he would have to do without the pleasure of embarrassing Ronald Weasley to the point where his face went as red as his hair, for this was going to take up all of his first class.

"Potter…I don't know why. But…I see what you are trying to portray, how your life isn't really yours. Well, think of it this way, the sooner you get this over and done with, it _will_ be yours. And you can do whatever you want and not have to worry about what people expect of you."

"But why was I picked? For this grand deed, why me? I'll probably die. Hell the only reason I haven't died yet is cause I'm 'sposed to take voldemort—tom. Tom down with me." at snapes frown, he snapped, "It's a fucking name, get over it."

"Potter, don't you dare address me in such a manner. I frowned because of the price you have put on your own life. Is it really so worthless?"

"Well…yes and no."

"Explain," Snape demanded.

"Why? It won't change your mind on anything—"  
"Just, tell me, Potter." Snape said tersely.

"You. You're a very good reason to stay here. But I can't have you. And then…all I have to do is get tom, and then I can rest. Then I can…die…" Snape frowned deeply, very unsettled to be someone's—let alone potters—only reason to live. Well, only reason besides killing a raging dark wizard, that is.

"Potter…" Harry was gone. Lost in a…well, mist is the only way to explain it. Snape shook him, to no avail. He clapped loudly, and shouted until his voice was hoarse, but Harry was in some sort of trance, and Snape knew he was remembering, or trying to forget. Either way, the only way to stop it before it overtook him and left him in a coma was to go inside the boy's mind and bring him out himself. So this is exactly what Snape did.

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Memory

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Harry was curled up in the corner of his cupboard, bleeding from cuts on his wrists, which were self-inflicted, and cuts on his legs, courtesy of Dudley. He was crying softly, a fist stuffed in his mouth to make the noise as quiet as possible. There were bloody marks on his hand, where he had probably bitten down hard on his fist to keep from screaming as he was being beaten or raped. His clothes hung in tattered rags; almost falling off the thin body they clung to, stained with dark red, bright red, white and even pale yellow. Harry's glasses were smashed uselessly on the ground, and his eyes were unfocused from being without the visual aid for so long. His malnourished body shook as sobs wracked his frame, the ribs that jutted out from his sides held in shaking lungs.

There was a crash against the door and it opened. Harry turned his head slightly and saw Vernon, Dudley, and nine others he did not know. One of the unknown people gasped and held his breath, the action turning his ugly gaunt face red.

"Gods what a smell!" he said through the hand covering his mouth and nose. Veron said nothing, just grabbed the poor boy and threw him to the floor of the hall.

"Filthy boy. Don't you ever clean yourself?" one of Dudley's friends said disgustedly. Harry had no strength to point out that no one would _let_ him clean himself, and just whimpered softly as Dudley kicked him hard in the ribs. Harry gasped for breath as he felt one of his ribs crack, earning him a bash on the head by Vernon's large shoe. Then Vernon hauled him up and carried him up the stairs to the second bedroom, where Dudley's old things kept the lone bed company. The others followed the man with perverted eagerness shining in their eyes.

Dudley held Harry down as Vernon bound his arms together behind his back and legs to the posts of the bed, spread eagle. Once Harry was secured, they shoved a rolled up sock into his mouth and let the first person, one of Vernon's friends, start. Harry's face was void again, hiding inside himself as his body was used over and over, each man getting his turn and watching intently as the others had his go. Blood, semen, and urine sunk into the used mattress underneath Harry as it happened, making the thing smell worse than it had and leaving a lasting reminder of what had conspired here.

When the last one climbed off Harry, one of the more gruesome men dug into his pocket and flipped out a knife—Snape noticed it was the same one Harry had used to slit the skin on his arms earlier that week—and started towards the boy. Harry's face, which had been emotionless through the entire episode, suddenly came to life, consorting in a mask of dread and helplessness. One of the fatter men, though not Dudley or Vernon, held Harry down as this man scraped the first few letters into Harry's pale, spotless back. At the first bite of the knife Harry screamed through his gag, eyes filling with tears. When the first word was carved out, the man started again, this time writing 'fag' in shaky letters, Harry still screaming, flailing, and crying. But by the time the third word, 'Whore', was carved, Harry's eyes were dead, and the blood fell sluggishly down his back to replace the tears that had fallen earlier, but did no more. The men left, leaving Harry bound, gagged, and bleeding on the bed for someone else to find and clean. They left laughing.

"Potter," Snape's voiced whispered quietly in Harry's mind, casting around for the feeling that was the boy's consciousness. He found it, barely visible, in a small corner of his mind, amid another flow of memories.

"Harry," Snape said softly, and Harry came readily to the familiar voice. Snape drew slowly out of Harry's mind, pulling Harry with him and bringing him back the cognizant world.

Harry was sitting on the couch, bent over with his arms looped over his legs.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Snape asked cautiously. From what he had seen, every cell in his body screamed for him to comfort the boy, but one single voice of caution rang out. This could go two ways. One, Harry would be uncontrollably needy after such an episode and need to be held, or two—and based on past occurrences Snape was willing to bet on this one—he would not want anyone to touch him, being repulsed at the idea of his skin touching another's or just plain raw from the memory. Snape compromised and waited for a reply.

"For…for everything. For causing you to take care of me, and practically making you see that memory, and being here…but most of all, for liking you. You must be absolutely repulsed at the idea and I'm—"

"No…Potter…" Snape gave into the urge (for once) and wrapped Harry in a strong hug, pulling the thin frame to himself, setting his chin on the mess of black hair. "You are not worthless. As much as you might think you are, your not. Nor are you disgusting."

"Yes I am." Came the muffled reply. When Snape had first pulled him to his warm body Harry had stiffened and almost fought, but the hands around his shoulders were so gentle, and the torso his face had been buried in so firm and warm and comforting, he had relaxed completely.

"No, you are not, Harry. Listen to me," Snape pushed Harry back slightly so that he could see the boy's face. His eyes bore into Harry's and his face was set in a stern frown. "No matter what happened, or what you think you wanted, you didn't, and that is as it is. I understand your confusion but you have to belive me, you have to trust me when I say that you are not disgusting, or repulsive, or even slightly at fault in any way. Do you trust me?" Snape couldn't belive he had just asked that. How could the boy trust him? He was a death eater; he had no right to trust him, no right at all. Harry looked at Snape for a moment and nodded slowly. He buried his face in the man's neck and inhaled the sent that could only be Severus Snape. His arms locked around snapes waist and stayed that way, feeling so safe in the embrace. So…cared for.

"I trust you indifferently, Severus. If you told me to go kill myself, I would." Harry said quietly.

"Well I'm not sure if that's a good thing," Snape muttered. Harry smiled. Then, realizing that Snape couldn't see his smile, he sat back a bit, so that his face was in front of Sevruses.

"It is," he assured. Then Harry's lips were on his. There was no time to think, only feel. They were both caught up in the warmth and softness of each other's lips, the gently way they touched for the very first time. Snapes hands, which had been wrapped around Harry's waist in a hug, roamed slowly up and down the boy's back, pressing Harry closer and closer to himself. Then, just as suddenly as he had kissed Snape, Harry pulled back. Snape realized that his hands had been pressed against Harry's scars—no, scratch that, on ­_Harry_—and quickly let go, allowing the boy to fall back onto the couch. He stood abruptly.

"I'm sorry," Harry whispered. Realizing what the boy must be thinking, Snape sat down again and placed a gently hand on his shoulder. Harry flinched involuntarily and Snape pulled away slightly.

"It is I, Potter, who should be sorry," he said.

"What? No! For what?" Harry sat up slightly, face worried and confused.

"For allowing this to go past the relationship standards I set at the beginning. I did not pull away because you repulsed or disgusted me, or because I remembered what happened to you, but because I thought…I thought you had just realized what you had done, when in fact I had just brought up painful memories by touching your scars." Snape said, a little hesitantly.

"Oh…I thought you…well what you said. Why did you even let me--? I mean, I thought you didn't like me in that way but you let me kiss you and—" Snape sighed.

"I don't know Potter. It was just…it felt like the right thing to do at the time."

"Oh, of course." Harry said, tone flat. The boy obviously thought that it was just yet another way Snape thought of comforting him.

"No, that's not what I mean. I mean that it felt right."

"Ohhhh…" Harry stilled looked a little confused, but this time it seemed it was for a different reason.

"We will continue this discussion when I return. I need to go teach now, I've forgone at least two classes by staying here…" Snape got up and walked towards the door.

"Sorry." Harry said, feeling guilty for keeping the man here.

"You need not be sorry, Potter. I stayed of my own accord." Severus said as he walked through the opened door. Harry nodded absently at the now closed door and lay back down on the couch, hands behind his head, to think. Why would Snape have done that? The only reasons Harry could think of was that it was the only way to comfort him at that moment, or the man had simply enjoyed it, and thus allowed it. Harry shook his head slightly. No, who could enjoy a kiss from _him?_ It had probably taken all of the man's self control to not looked disgusted when he pulled away. Harry did not allow himself to think that maybe Snape could be attracted to him, because this was physically impossible. No one could be attracted to 'the freak', it was that simple. So then why had he done it? It couldn't have been just because Dumbledore had told/asked him to comfort Harry, or that he genuinely cared, even though you could see he did.

Harry was really confused now. Sex was bad. It was dirty, it was wrong, so why had he felt so compelled to kiss Snape? Maybe it was because he himself was dirty, wrong, never supposed to be born. Yes, that was it. Harry nodded to himself and the wrinkled brows atop his forehead disappeared for the moment (don't worry, they'll be back!). With the best intentions, Harry could not stay awake a second longer, even though it was perhaps 11 in the morning, and his stomach was growling loudly.

A hand was shaking his shoulder, and there was no way it could be Severus, because the hands felt different. That could only mean he was back. He shot up, trying to brush the hands off him as he looked around through crooked glasses. He saw a white mass in the corner of his eye and turned his head that way, to see a half in-focus, half out of focus Albus Dumbledore, looking slightly disgruntled, sitting next to him. He fixed his glasses and looked around. Seeing that Snape was not there to protect him, he ran, straight through the library door and into his room, where he proceeded to block the door with powerful spells.

"Harry?" Abuses voice called through the door worriedly. He received no response, and so, anxious, he unlocked the door with a simple (Well for him, I mean, he's Dumbledore!), unrecognizable spell. He opened the door cautiously to find Harry curled up in the corner, face buried in his knees and crying. "Oh dear," the man said, right as he was shoved aside by a semi-more-violent-than-usual Snape. The man walked swiftly over to Harry and knelt beside him, whispering comforting words. Dumbledore stood politely aside as Snape stood Harry up and guided him into the library, where he sat him down at a chair and handed him a thick book, saying, "This is an exquisite read, one that will keep you occupied while I talk to the headmaster." Harry nodded, trusting Snape completely. Snape then led the way to the living room, followed by a twinkling-eyed Dumbledore. Snape sat, conjuring some tea and a plate of tarts for the headmaster and himself, waiting for the older man to start the conversation, as he always has a way of doing.

"So tell me Severus, how is Harry getting along?" the man said, taking a sip of his tea.

"Fairly well. He has been improving slowly, though there was an episode this morning." Seeing that his potions master seemed to be keeping something from him, Dumbledore queried,

"Care to tell me about it?"

"Not at the moment, no," Snape said, knowing he would have to anyway. At Dumbledore's gaze, he sighed. "He went inside his mind and he was near the cliff when I pulled him out. But before I pulled him out I witnessed a memory that had occurred before he came back, one that included his uncle, cousin, and nine of his friends. Oh, and an extremely sharp knife." Dumbledore's eyes were filled with pain and Snape almost felt sorry for telling him. Almost. He could still not forgive the headmaster for allowing Harry to stay with the muggles over the break, thinking that everything was dandy even when there had been no word from Harry for quite some time. The man did not even check on him, or try to get word, for god's sake!

"What did they do?" Dumbledore asked, voice hushed.

"They carved the words 'freak' 'fag' and 'whore' into his back. I rubbed lotion on the cuts when I found out, but there will always be readable scars." Snape said tonelessly. Dumbledore hung his head in his hands.

"I'm so sorry," came the muffled words through his hands.

"You need not apologize to me, but to Potter." Snape said. Silence stretched between the two and Snape sipped his tea quietly.

"So I take it you were unaffected by what you witnessed" Dumbledore said finally, raising his head to blast Snape with his knowing, twinkling eyes.

"I was horrified that those muggles could do such a thing. I admit, I have seen worse. But I suppose the after-effect, the trauma, I am witnessing firsthand causes me to feel so."

"Or could it be you actually care for Harry?" Dumbledore said knowingly. Instead of answering so tricky a question, Snape ignored him and said tersely,

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to check on Harry. But it seems that my presence is not needed, and you have it all well taken care of."

"He was only afraid because I wasn't there."

"Ah. So if I was to talk to him now, in your presence of course, he would allow it and perhaps answer?"

"Were you wishing to talk to him without my endearing company?" Snape said with his signature snarkyness.

"No, of course not. I merely wanted to see him and observe his progress."

"Very well. I think that he might let you talk to him…he is a bit shaken, you see, from the occurrences this morning, and though he allowed perfect strangers to approach and talk to him, I am not quite sure how he will revive you." Snape did not have to add that Harry might not be too willing to see the man who promised him safety in the hands of his relatives and did not keep his promise. Dumbledore understood, nodding his head slowly.

"Perhaps we should try, then?" he asked. Snape thought about it, then shook his head.

"Maybe another time. He's still shaken and I think that that book I gave him will calm him down some, and I do not want him riled up again so soon." Dumbledore acknowledged Snapes authority and rose to leave.

"Thank you, my dear boy, for watching out for him and caring for him." Dumbledore said as he left. Snape closed the door behind him, grumbling about headstrong old men and ignorant fools. He checked in on Harry, and seeing that he was enjoying the book, went to his lab to work on then next day's potions class.

A/N: ok so yeah…. I hope you like it! Tell me what you think! Cocoa-Snape, if your reading this, the TD idea we discussed will appear in the next chapter, since I like it. I hope you don't mind me mentioning you, I just feel all privileged and smart knowing you! Review please! I love you all, readers and reviewers alike!

Kozi-Chan


	9. Chapter 9: Truths and Dares

Ok so as I promised chapter 8 is finished. I hope you are all as pleased with it as I am. I'm listening to Natasha Bettingfeild and if I were you I wouldn't be surprised if 'unwritten' comes up later. Much, much later. But yeah…. so since I got the chapter done within the date I set, I'm going to go write a Snarry oneshot that's been bugging me. You should check it out, it's called…er…(thinks of a name on the spot) how about 'When your Alone'? Ok so that's what it's called. No relation to the Gorillaz song. Or any song for that matter…its just a little scene that's been bugging me so I want to turn it into a oneshot since I can't use it here. When I'm done with it I'll write chapter 9. Probably have chapter nine and the oneshot done by tonight, since I'm cool like that, ;) lol j/j but seriously, I probably will. Enjoy! BTW, ty so much cocoa-Snape for the great idea!

Erm…yes, well, I'm not sure if anyone else is interested, I mean, this is, after all, an HP fandom, but just in case, I have some original fiction. E-mail, PM or review if you want some, just let me know!

Kozi-Chan

OMG! XD I'm watching the Seinfeild episode where George thinks he's queer because he got a massage from a man and 'it' moved! XD stupid George is all-insecure about his sexuality…hah.

Chapter 9: Truths and Dares 

Harry was reading the book Snape had given him when the object of his affections walked in.

"Potter, the headmaster is gone and I think now would be a good time to continue our discussion." Snape said pulling up a chair close to where Harry was sitting as Harry put the book lovingly aside. "Its good huh?" Snape asked, unable to contain his amusement. I mean, Potter. Books. Potter. Not a very likely match.

"Yeah, it is. I didn't know half the things I learned in the first chapter!"

"Yes, its very enlightening. Perhaps we should focus on the conversation at hand." Snape persisted.

"Ok…but…I think it would be easier if…if we could maybe…"

"What, Potter?"

"It would be easier if we… well, it's this muggle game, see, its called truth or dare. And since we are wizards we could use some Veritaserum and maybe beer to make it easier." Harry explained.

"So your saying if we were both drunk and under a truth spell, it would be easier to talk about this?" Snape asked, considering.

" Well yeah, and then the dare part would just be hilarious, actually." Harry said, smiling slightly. Snape thought. Usually he would not do something like this, or at least, he would only pretend to drink the beer/truth potion, but he felt obligated to not lie or cheat for some reason. He nodded slowly.

"Allright," he waved his wand and produced a table with a bottle of scotch and two shot glasses, along with a vial of Veritaserum. "So who goes first?"

"Well, one person will start and ask the other person 'truth or dare?' and when the other person answers, depending on what their answer is, you either drink the truth serum for 'truth' and the beer for 'dare'. Make sense?"

"I suppose. Truth or dare?" Snape said.

"Er…truth I guess." Harry answered as he poured himself a shot of Veritaserum.

"So I can ask you anything."

"Yep" Harry said, gulping. Snape wondered vaguely what Harry had to hide, and asked his first question.

"So, what was the worst thing the Dursleys did to you?" He asked, almost hesitant to uncover worse than what he had already seen. Harry answered in a flat tone,

"The vision you saw." Snape almost sighed in relief. So there wasn't more. Good. Harry grinned at him as if he had just been inspired with a grand idea.

"Truth or dare?" the youth asked mischievously. Snape did not want to risk saying truth and having some of his darker secret slip out, so he chose dare. Harry's face fell slightly then lighted, while Snape drank his shot of scotch. "Ok…I dare you tooo…" Harry looked around. "Uhm…I dare you to show me your worst memory." At this Snape absolutely refused.

"No, Potter."

"But _why not?_"

"because"

"But _why?_"

Snape sighed. He might as well be truthful. "Because, Potter, not only are you not ready to see it, I do not feel ready to show it. I rather it stay in the past." Harry thought for a while and then nodded.

"Ok then, how about one of your childhood memories?"

"Nothing in my life has ever been fun or exciting Potter, and if your mission is to dig into my past to discover the real me, you will be greatly disappointed." Snape said. This game was already on his 'hate' list. But oh well if it got Potter to talk, so much the better… Harry blushed a little.

"Sorry. Er…how about you…erm…tell me something I don't already know about you?" Snape sighed.

"Potter, as I have already said, nothing about me is interesting, fun or even slightly good in anyway. I am a death eater who does horrible things to good people nearly every day and I do not live because I want to, I live because I am needed. So asking me something like that means that your answer will most likely be depressing or horrifying in some way." Snape said.

"I know. But I can't think of anything else. Will you just tell me?" Harry persisted. Snape thought.

"Something you already don't know about me is that I enjoy the muggle way of preparing artichokes."

"Food? Ok well that's something. Your turn." Harry said, storing the information on the growing list in his mind.

"Truth or dare?" Snape asked.

"Er…dare," Harry said and poured his shot. Snape watched him down it and expected to see a grimace of some sort, for new drinkers were not accustomed to the taste. Instead Harry just looked at him expectantly, and Snape thought that this was perhaps no the first time Potter had dipped into strong liquor.

"Ok…" Snape thought for a while. "How about…I dare you to allow me to view one of your happier memories." Snape said, not really in the mood to see more pain and suffering, though he knew he would have to get to it eventually. Harry thought, and when he was ready, he let Snape know.

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Memory (again!)

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Harry sat alone in the common room, a large package sitting next to him on the table. He just looked at it, seemingly unsure of what to do. The fire was dying, ghosts of embers dancing over the hearth as the moonlight glinted in Harry's glasses. His hands were crossed over his stomach, feet propped on an ataman as he stared intently at the box. Finally he reached over and pulled it to him, slowly starting to open it. When it was fully unwrapped, Harry pulled a clear glass orb from white tissue paper carefully and weighed it in his hand. It was quite heavy, making his hand drop an inch as Harry examined it. Suddenly it turned a dark, midnight blue, reflecting nothing and pulling all the light into itself. Then whatever was inside it swirled and broke, forming a small picture in the middle. Like most Wizarding pictures, this one moved, only it emitted sound, and was 3D with color. Harry peered closely at it and gasped. Within the orb there was all the marauders and his mother, all waving at him from the glass. Then they seemingly ignored him and started doing other things, random things that it seemed they did on a regular basis. The orb took Harry through a full day of their lives, following each marauder separately and then finally Lilly, giving Harry a complete inside look on their lives. When the thing stopped playing, a message appeared.

_Dear Harry,_

_A good friend of mine has ensured me that this orb will reach you on your 14th birthday, whether we are here to celebrate with you or not. I love you, and so does your father, very much so. This orb will give you a glimpse of anything you wish to see, you merely think of what you want and its there. It already had a few memories of your fathers and mine in it, and it will play them on request. As for the rest, you may keep your own memories in it, and once you do, it is bound to you forever. I feel deep regret in the knowledge that I will not be here for you when you get this, knowing as I do that I must die. We love you, so, so much, Harry. Just know that you are loved. I hope you use this gift to your best advantage, keep it safe. _

_With love,_

_Lilly Potter_

Harry gasped again and a tear slid from his right eye as he put the orb lovingly into his pocket and slowly got up to walk the stairs to his dorm. He would contemplate all the orb could do tomorrow, when Hermione could explain it better.

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(so what do you think? Let me know!)

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Snape sat thinking for a moment.

"Do you know who gave it to you?" he asked finally.

"Yes," Harry said quietly. Snape nodded.

"I'm not sure I would count that as a happy memory," he drawled.

"Well, it's happy for several reasons. One is that it is a wonderful gift; I still use it, too! And another thing is that you cared enough still to send it to me for my birthday." Harry said.

"So how did you find out it was me?" Snape asked, curious.

"Well, I wasn't sure at first, but it was quite obvious, really, after I asked the orb. It could show me anything, remember, so I asked it to show me who had sent it, and it did. Thank you, so much. I know you didn't particularly want to, and I'm quite curious to know why you did. Also why my mum asked you. I mean, I was under the impression that you did not get along with any of my family, the marauders included." Harry replied with a questioning glance.

"We were friends," Snape said simply.

"But that one memory, you seemed to really hate her and—"  
"Potter…things are not always as they seem, ok?"

"Did you like her?"

"My we are getting blunt, aren't we? No Potter, I did not fancy her."

"Ok erm…truth or dare?"

'Truth I suppose, since you turn the dares into a truth anyway. Perhaps you will be less worried when I am under a truth potion,"

"Worried? I'm not worried. I trust you to tell me the truth, and if you don't, you must have a good reason," Harry assured. Snape shrugged and swallowed his potion. He waited while Harry thought.

"What do you feel for me?" Harry asked the obvious question.

"I Care for you," Snape said tonelessly.

"In a more than friendly way?"

"I admit I do have some of those feelings, yes." Snape replied. He had been expecting this, so it didn't really surprise him. It was still a little embarrassing, though. It had been a long time since something like this came up. Harry beamed.

"Your turn," he chirped happily. Snape grumbled something that might have passed for 'truth or dare?' if you strained. "Erm…truth," Harry said, already pouring his shot and downing it as Snape thought.

"What do you feel for me?" the man echoed. It was pretty obvious, but he just wanted to know what the truth spell would allow Harry to say.

"I love you," Harry said simply, even blushing a little, though he had already said this before. Snape frowned. If Harry was under truth potion and had said I love you, it meant it could only be true. And that was bad news, for both of them. He fixed Harry with a look and waited.

"Truth or dare?" Harry asked, cheeks still a little red.

"Truth. We might as well just turn it into a truth or truth game, for as much as we actually do a dare." Snape took his drink and watched Harry closely as the boy thought.

"Lets just keep it as it is. Er…truth…truth…lets see…uhm…what's your favorite muggle food?" Harry asked. Snape almost rolled his eyes.

" You've already asked that," he reminded.

"Oh yeah…sorry…how about…do you have a favorite song?" Harry asked. Snape thought again.

"Not really. I don't listen to much music, but the song reiki played for you that first night was…it was…awe-inspiring. It was really…indescribable, I guess. So how about that one." Snape said. Harry looked confused.

"Yeah but I don't even know what that one was or if I heard it!"

"I'm sorry, Potter," Snape said. He actually was sorry that Harry hadn't heard such music, but perhaps it was for the best, it was a little depressing, after all. Harry grumbled, then looked at Snape with a look that said 'I'm not really too mad'.

"I pick truth," he said before Snape could ask.

"Ok Potter. I am asking you this not because I am unsure of the answer, but because you need to know the answer. Did you want what happened over the break?" Harry's face was almost panicked as he heard his mouth voice the word 'no' firmly. He looked relived and yet still disbelieving. Snape knew that it would take time for Harry to see, but this was just yet another thing to support the side of him who doubts that it was what he wanted.

"Truth," Snape said, taking a drink of the scotch before the Veritaserum.

"Uhm…are you a virgin?" Harry's face turned red and Snape would have laughed, if he weren't already replying.

"No." he said simply. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth." Harry said, drinking his potion and crossing his arms over his chest. Snape thought, what else did he want to ask Potter?

"When did you first start slicing your arm?" he asked. By the scars it was maybe two years ago, but it might have been longer if Harry was using charms to conceal others.

"Er…fourth year." Harry answered as Snape nodded.

"Truth" the man answered before Harry could ask.

"Er…who—never mind. Uhm… would you ever consider having a relationship with me?" he asked, looking down.

"I might consider it as many times I want, Potter. The truth remains that I would not allow myself to go past simple thinking." Snape replied.

"Maybe that was the wrong question…er…have you ever considered it before?" Snape shook his head,

"My turn Potter, you have already asked your question. Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Harry said sulkily.

"I dare you to show me one of your most embarrassing memories that do not relate to your cousin or uncle or their friends." Snape said after a moment. Harry took his drink and nodded.

"Ready," he said.

Memory

Harry was walking down one of the many halls that existed within the school of hogwarts. He looked to be about 3rd year, and he was alone, for once. Harry stopped outside an unmarked door and entered, making sure no one was around to see him. When he was inside the room, he went straight to the desk where he sat immediately, pulling out books and parchment, quills and ink from his bag. Here he did all of his homework, and when he was done, it was maybe three in the morning. He made his way tiredly back to his common room, but on the way he stopped in front of another room, where he heard strange noises coming from the other side. He grabbed the handle, wand out, and opened the door. There, in all its scandalizing glory was Draco Malfoy (not too surprising) and Hermione granger. Harry gasped and promptly covered his own mouth. He shut the door before the two very occupied people could know he had been and ran all the way back to the common room.

"How is that embarrassing for _you_?" Snape asked, slightly amused.

"Well, I _was_ doing my homework!" Harry said, smiling. "Your turn, truth or dare?"

"Truth,"

"Er…is it true that you are confused about your sexuality?"

"No, I know exactly what I am. I didn't want to tell you before because I feared it would give you false hope, but since you have tried to peruse me anyway, I suppose it doesn't much matter. Yes, I am gay," Snape said, and Harry tried to hide his wide smile. He didn't pull it off. "That doesn't mean—"

"I know, I know!" Harry said, waving his hands at Snape to stop the speech that was probably coming.

"Truth or dare?"

"Er…truth," Harry answered.

"Ok. What is your favorite food?"

" Strawberries."

"Strawberries?"

"Strawberries."

"Ok, Potter…" Snape gave Harry a strange look and picked truth.

"Do you want me?" Harry's voice was slurred as the question fell from his lips.

"Yes."

"I pick truth too."

"Why do you want _me_?" Snape voiced the thought that was really bugging him.

"Cause…your…you. Cause I like you and your you and I can't explain it…" Harry trailed, looking helplessly at him. So, the answer was the same as when the question was asked without truth potion. For the next round he picked dare.

His mind was swimming a bit from all the potion and alcohol, and he couldn't think too straight right now, nor remember why dare was probably a bad idea.

"Kiss me again," Harry said quietly, not really expecting Snape to oblige. His mind was a bit foggy from the toxins in his blood and he wasn't sure if he would even remember this in the morning, but its what he wanted. More than anything, he wanted Snape to be so close to him again. He had been looking at his lap, but when he heard the chair squeak, he looked up. Just in time too, because if he hadn't, he would have received a kiss on his hair, but when he moved, he moved right into Snape's descending mouth. The mans lips pressed lightly to Harry's, his hands resting lightly on the boy's shoulders. Harry brought his arms up to snapes neck, softly caressing his pale skin. Snape pulled back a little and searched Harry's eyes. He saw only want within the vivid green, and allowed his mouth to find Harry's again, sure of what they both wanted this time. Time ran away and left the two in a blissful period where nothing could touch them. Then Snape pulled away and straightened.

"I think, now would be a good time to go to bed, Harry," he said quietly. Harry looked at him worriedly.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted—"

"I know. I do not regret it." _yet,_ he thought to himself, knowing things might change when he was sober enough to think the next morning. "Lets just go to bed, ok?" he said and followed Harry to his room, where he sat in the chair, as Harry got comfortable in his bed.

"Goodnight," he said as Harry drifted away. The boy was already asleep and really had no time to answer anyway. Snape looked around before he settled in for a good sleep. Reiki, in the corner, was glowing very brightly and emitting a song…

(The Only One I Trust, by City High)

I know your afraid, but you can't leave me now. Lean on my shoulder soon it'll be over. I'm tryin to build our future, I'm doing this for us, you're the only one I love, the only one I trust. 

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O

A/N: so? What do you think? Next chapter will be up soon…I'm a little out of ideas but I think what will happen next is that Harry will go into a relapse cause or…something…(tries to think of something that would cause this) and then cuts again while the song from reiki plays…and Snape finds him and has to comfort him…erm…any other ideas are much appreciated! Tell me in a review! BTW, I'm sooo sorry it took so long! And chapter 10 isn't done, like I planned, but there is one little bit to go before it is, so no worries!


	10. Chapter 10: Relapse

Hey hi! Ok so chapter 9 will be almost completely re-done, I was informed that the Veritaserum was inaccurate, very much so! So, with the help of some reviewers, it will b fixed. I'm going to Wisconsin Friday, so this will be the last update you will get for a while. I will be back the Sunday after the one after Friday, but I haven't even started on 11 so it will be about…2 weeks before the next update. I'm soo sorry! I thought summer would be sooo easy! Reading and writing fanfics all day and the like, but nooo… what with moving, chores, my new boy friend (-) and all my lovers (friends) idk what to do! And now I'm going to Wisconsin for a week, and then, around July 16th I will be going to church camp (yeah yeah…but at least I get to go river rafting!) and so I'm all worried about how long this summer will really last! Then when high school starts, I will have to ignore all Fanfiction whatsoever! (Mostly because I will get caught up in it and my grades will drop) well, hopefully I will finish this by the end of summer, or else I will have to abandon it for a school year:'( Allright well I love you all! ttyl!

oh crap i just realized that this is teh chapter everyone will hate me for...sorry in advanced! (not that its badly written, at least i hope its not, but for waht i have harry do...sorry!)

Kozi

* * *

**Chapter 10: Relapse **

Harry woke, eyes fixing intently on the sleeping man beside him. He smiled faintly, and got up slowly, fixing his glasses on his nose while he swung his legs over the side of the bed and quietly made his way out of the room, being sure not to disturb Severus. He went to the living room and ordered Snape and himself some breakfast. He walked cautiously into the lab and searched around till he found the hangover relief draught.

"I wasn't aware I granted you entrance to my personal lab," a voice drawled form the door, each word sounding as if it hurt to say it, just as it hurt to hear it. Harry held up the vial, toasted Snape, and downed half of it. He handed the rest to Snape, who took it gratefully and swallowed.

"I think I could forgive you just this once," he said, the pounding in his head lessening greatly. Harry smiled.

"Knew you would understand," he said as he followed Snape out the door. They sat down for breakfast and ate, neither one of them having the energy to speak. Afterwards Harry lay back against the couch and closed his eyes, wondering what he would do. The obvious thing, study, didn't sound like too much fun, but he guessed that it was probably the best.

"Potter, I'm going to class now. I expect you to have most of your textbooks read when I get back at the end of the day. I will be back for lunch, I don't really feel like eating with a bunch of brats and stuck up teachers anyway. See you then," Snape's voice broke through his thoughts as he left the quarters. Harry smiled a little and went to the library to study. He spent a good chunk of the morning there, finishing up his work by the time ten o'clock rolled around. He looked about the library. He had had enough reading, he didn't think he could stand or sit still in this quiet place for a moment longer. What was there to do? He couldn't go outside because it was the middle of the school day, and he couldn't stay here, so where would he go? He sighed and looked at his hands, they were shaking. He sat on the floor and put his fist under his chin. Where _could_ he go? No where. Like most of his life, he couldn't go anywhere. But for the first time in his life, he was stuck somewhere relatively safe, unharmed, and for the most part happy. He shook his head. That he just didn't deserve. But where else could he go? The only place he would ever belong would be back at the Dursleys, because they would do what the rest of the world didn't have the sense to do, and beat him for the wrongs he had caused. Harry nodded as if making up his mind and stood.

* * *

Someone who might be watching him would be very confused indeed, for they couldn't hear the silent conversation and reasoning in the boy's head and nor could they make sense of the unssensical nodding and sitting and standing. Lucky for Harry, who was now searching for his invisibility cloak, the person who was watching him was Severus Snape, and this man could tell by his manner that what he was up to would only hurt him.

* * *

Severus Snape surprised his first hour today. Instead of the usual downpour of insults that usually led to class starting, or someone crying, the man merely came in (billowed, of course) waved his wand, said 'get to work' shortly, then went into his office. There, in the privacy a closed door and no windows provided, he started a spell. It was a hard spell. It included no more than a focus and one potion, a focus being something that had been his subjects for a long time. Thus, something of Harry's. He needed this, and a few well-chosen words. When working with a focus, you have a few options. You can either move yourself to that person's location, control their mind and or body, or you can simply view them, no matter how far away you are. So Severus Snape cleared a space on his desk and set out a few things. Finding something that had been Harry's for a while was hard, because the Dursleys obviously didn't belive in giving him things he didn't absolutely need. In the end Snape had settled for a shard of his glasses (which had broke in one of his nightly struggles. Snape had fixed them, of course, but not before removing a shard). What was strange about this shard was that it was tinted a deep blue. Snape hazard a guess that it was Harry's magical aura that had somehow seeped into it. Snape was grateful, for it made the focus much more powerful. Next came a picture of Harry. (Snape had acquired this from a girl that belonged to Harry's fan club, though he made it seem like he was going to use it for dark arts or some such thing. She had been _very_ unwilling to hand it over. But then, no one denies Snape much of anything) the picture was not _required_ in the spell, but Snape had been convinced he might need it.

Next came a small, clear vial. In the vial was a mixture of herbs, ones that woke your senses and made them reel. Not in a good way, either. The only other potion that was this potent was made especially for waking coma patients or spell-induced sleepers. Some of these herbs were visible; some others had dissolved into the potion. Snape carefully removed the lid and dabbed some of the clear stuff onto the tips of his forefinger and set it lightly on the shard of glass. Next he took another tiny dot and spread it over the small picture. The last bit of Jaiona (for that is indeed what this little potion is called) he placed on his temples then drew an insignia on his forehead. The potion fizzled slightly on his skin and turned warm, making tiny prick feelings on his skin immediately a clear picture of Harry appeared above his desk. The boy was sitting on the floor of…somewhere…the surroundings were hazy, and Snape strengthened the spell by drawing yet another insignia on the palm of his right hand. Ah. Harry was sitting on the floor of the library, nodding and seemingly talking to himself. Snape swept the room with his mind and confirmed that no one else was there. He did a quick search for reiki while waiting for Harry to move, and found that the little blob of light was hangin by his shoulder. Not being able to talk during the spell, Snape saved the thoughts of reiki only following Harry for later. He waited. Then, finally, Harry got up, a blank look on his face, the only emotion sliding past being determination.

Snape stood and whipped the Jaiona from his temples and forehead, putting the shard and picture safely away and scribbling a quick note to the headmaster. When he finished, he slammed the door of his office open and called the fist student he laid eyes on to him. Hermione Granger, it so happens.

"Here, take this to the headmaster." He snapped, handing the parchment to the wide-eyed gryfindor and striding quickly towards the door.

"Anyone who wishes to remain alive for the remainder of the school year, stay in your seats. You too, Malfoy." He said loudly as he left. The students sat stunned for a minute until Hermione gasped a small 'o' and went to deliver the letter.

Snape was too late. When he got back to his quarters, Harry was gone.

(A/N: Hmmmm…should I make this a cliffy? It doesn't really work…and there are only two pages…and I don't want to be too mean. Oh well, mayhap next time I will.)

* * *

Harry stood once again outside number four, privet drive and took a deep breath. A tiny part of him wondered why he was doing this, why he wasn't back at Hogwarts under the care of someone whom he liked, why he was making himself pay for something everyone said wasn't his fault. Harry pushed that part of him aside, labeling it cowardice and stepping forward. Even if he hadn't caused or deserved or even wanted this, what was done was done, and now this was the only place he belonged. He knocked on the door, and Vernon opened it.

"Well, well, the little slut is back," he said, his mouth curving into a sinister grin. He stepped aside and allowed Harry to enter, and Harry walked forward into the dark, wincing as the door clicked shut behind him. Whatever chance he had at a good life he had just thrown away. And this time there was no way to get it back. Miserably he fell deep into his mind and wondered how long it would take for the comfort of death to consume him.

* * *

Back at Hogwarts, Snape raged. It had been an hour since Harry disappeared, a _whole fucking hour!_ He threw books, tipped tables, yelled at random houselves, everything. When Albus came to talk to him, he snapped at him so badly, the headmaster left again, hiding a smile and muttering something incomprehensible. This just pissed Snape off more and he walked over to the open doorway of Harry's room. _Where? Where _could the little brat have gone? Snape checked Harry's room for perhaps the fifth time and sighed, leaning against the doorway. There was nothing missing, only Harry and his invisibility cloak. Snape sighed. Nothing in the boy's manner had told Snape that he wanted to leave, only that he had to. So whatever it is, Harry either had to get something done, like saving the world or something, _or_ he had gone somewhere he really didn't want to go back to, but a part of his mind kept insisting he go. Snape started, eyes going wide. He _wouldn't…_ would he? He knew that the boy felt he had caused it, even wanted it, but would he go back? It was his only lead, he had to follow it. He swirled and dissaperated, praying that he was wrong.

* * *

Harry huddled up against the corner of the wall, cowering away from the large figure in front of him. Since he had come back, there had been no cease in the torture. He did not even know when he had left; it could have been months ago. Or maybe living with Snape had all been a dream. He didn't wear a stitch of clothing, the times his uncle came for him were too close together to count, and he had no time to recoup or clothe himself. Fresh bruises and cuts littered his body, though no fresh cuts on his wrists, again, there was any time. There was no time to think or feel, move, even. Only time to breathe, to exist for a second longer, and another second, and another…

Suddenly the door to the smaller room was literally broken open as a screaming Dudley ran through it. Apparently fear erased any sense the boy had, and he had just run through any obstacles. For once, Dudley was right to be afraid. Right on his tail stormed a very angry Severus Snape. Usually when said man was angry there was no emotion on his face, maybe a smirk or something; plotting the doom of his victim, but usually, his true emotions hid behind a bland mask, as they always did. This time, it seemed that Severus was too mad. Mad is _not_ the word.

Vernon turned with a glare as his son came running in to hide behind his dad, but when he saw Snape, he immediately backed away, running right into Dudley and tripping. Now on the ground, he scrambled backwards, just as his son behind him did. Snapes face was twisted in rage and revenge, wand swinging from Dudley to Vernon, as if deciding who to smote first. (And Snape comes to the rescue, brandishing his wand!)

"Where is he," he snarled, advancing on the shaking men.

"W-w-who? I d-d-don know what your talking about—" Vernon stuttered, watching the wands movement intently.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Dursley. Harry, where is he? _Now_." Snape replied, wand tip now poking into Vernon's large nose.

"I'm right here," a small voice in the corner called. Harry had started from the depths of his mind when Snape had come in, and the only reason he could think of that the man would be here was to finish him off. Snape probably realized finally that Harry was…_wrong_, and had come to help his end. All he could think of was that death by that wand would be thousands of times better than the slow road he traveled now. Even if he had dreamed his time with Snape, the man had obviously found out somehow…

Snape turned, eyes sweeping the room, and saw Harry in the corner. He did not want to turn his back on the two quivering masses, but Harry's voice had sounded so feeble, so close to death, Snape had to see if he could even make it back. He glared at the two men now pressed into the opposite corner.

"Stay there," he snapped, and made his way across the room to Harry. He kneeled next to the shaking boy. "Are you ok? Do you think you can make it back to hogwarts if I apparate us?" he asked, voice soft, almost tender compared to the hatred that was ebbed into his words when he addressed the other two. Harry looked confusedly into the man's eyes through cracked glasses.

"Wha? You don't—you don't want to-to-to—" he couldn't finished his sentence and collapsed, head hitting the wall hard as his arms and legs splayed over the floor. Snape lifted him carefully and checked his pulse. Alive, barely. He turned towards the other two and glared. Dudley fainted against his father and Vernon gulped, face pale as parchment, sweat making ugly patterns on his too-tight shirt.

"_Crucio_," Snape said and they both writhed in pain. He could not spend any more time here, or else he might lose Harry, but he would be back. Oh yes, he would be back, and he would make them _suffer_.

(A/N: -Beam- I love Snape…)

* * *

Harry woke, wrapped in a warm blanket, on his bed in Snape's quarters. Wait…he wasn't…? He opened his eyes and realized his glasses were gone. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to make out the fuzzy pictures of the things around him. All he could make out was a large black form sitting by his bed…wait…Snape wore black…he reached out a hand tentatively, and brushed the mans arm. Snape's eyes snapped open and he looked around, grabbing his wand. Harry reeled back and scrambled until his back was pressed against the wall. Snape, seeing Harry, put his wand away and stood.

"Good morning. I see you have finally awoken. You have been sleeping for five days straight, though I'm not surprised, the extent of your injuries were worse than last time. I'm surprised you lived, actually. Why don't we have breakfast and discuss why you felt the need to leave?" Snape greeted, reaching a hand unconsciously out to the boy. Harry took it slowly and allowed Snape to pull him off the bed and lead him out the door. Snape sat him down on the couch and ordered breakfast. When it came, they ate in tense silence until they were both full. Snape looked at Harry for a long time, face unreadable as always.

"So, mind explaining why you returned to that stink hole?" Snape pressed.

"I belong there," Harry said matter-of-factly.

"No, Potter, you _don't_. When will you listen to me, dammit!" Harry flinched, hearing frustration in Snape's voice. Snape sighed. "Potter, you belong here, at Hogwarts. With people who care for you,"

"B-but what happened…it can't be the same again, can it? I mean, I'm…ruined. I can't change what happened…" Harry said quietly.

"You are not. You…it won't be the same, not at first, but you will get…well, not over it, but you will live, and you will thrive. You will be ok. You just have to trust me on this ok?"

"I _told_ you, I trust you…I just don't understand." Snape leaned over and hugged Harry tightly. When he let go, he looked at him for a while before saying,

"You don't have to understand, and you won't, just yet. Just wait, you'll see. Do you think you will be ok for a while? I need to take care of some business." (Beta note: takin care of business! **sings to last comment**) Harry nodded, leaning over to rest his head on Snape's knee. "Harry, what I have to do requires movement, you know. But first, I actually have a few questions for you. I'm sorry, I don't really want to ask, but I need to," Harry nodded and Snape ran a hand unconsciously through his hair. "First, where is your aunt? Petunia, I think her name is…?"

"She…I'm not sure, but I think she left. All I really remember is that one day she was there, the next, Dudley came for me…and that was it, she just…vanished."

"So she had no idea about what her husband and son were doing?"

"No, they started after she disappeared," Harry was shaking, and Snape hated to ask the next question, but it was something that was really bothering him.

"Earlier this year, you were beaten by them, and Dumbledore 'put a stop to it'. Do you have any idea how or what he did, and why it didn't seem to have any effect?" Harry shook his head.

"I don't know," the boy whispered. Snape nodded, pulling his fingers from Harry's black mess of hair.

"Ok, well I have to go, but I will be back soon, I promise," Snape said, standing when Harry moved from his comfortable position.

* * *

And then Yami Chan killed the author for not finishing the story and finished it for her:

Harry realized that what Snape had been telling him all along was true and gave him a sweet, chaste kiss. Snape pulled away in surprise before realizing that he loved Harry and the teacher/student status should be damned before whispering, "I love you Harry." and snogging him senseless. The end.

…Or so it would be, if Yami-chan, my beta, was writing it…now back to my story….

* * *

Snape made sure Harry was comfortable in the library and made his way out of the castle and off the school grounds. He looked around to be sure he was unseen before apparating to a dark and formidable clearing in a dreary wood. Other figures emerged from all sides of the small circle of grass, materializing from the trees. They came up on all sides of Snape and stood there, making him part of the circle. Another figure stood in the middle of the circle, the center of attention; all eyes of the surrounding people were set on the man. The tall, dark and hooded figure looked around the circle of followers with glowing red eyes.

"Severus," Voldemort hissed, "Tell me what goes on at Hogwarts, and if it might be safe to try to get at him again." He demanded. Snape did the trick with his mind that allowed him into a different world. In here, no thoughts of what really went on existed, here there were only lie. Believable, yes, because he created a place in his mind where he did believe them. In this world Harry Potter was only his student, young healthy and alive, living his life as he did in fifth year. He had no intimate knowledge of Harry's life, he was merely an observer. In this space in his mind, things went as they always had before the dramatic change that occurred over the Lengthened winter break. Here is the place that Voldemort found when he entered Snape's mind. The rest, the truth, was hidden, somewhere even Voldemort could not find. So right now Snape answered from the spot in his mind, fully believing the words that came from his own lips.

"Things go as usual, my lord. The boy goes through school with his many worshipers and does relatively well, most likely because the teachers give him easy work. He is as happy as he ever was, though the death of his godfather disturbed him greatly. His is as far from my grasp as before, but more vulnerable after the incident at the ministry." He said. A distant part of himself shook its head at the words, knowing that all this would come to a head soon. Voldemort nodded.

"Very well. Lucius…" the meeting continued this way until they were all dismissed. Luckily, Snape had not displeased Voldemort in any way; he was safe from Crucio, for a while, anyway. When he apparated away, he did not go home, but to number four, Privet Drive. He paused before the door. He wasn't completely sure if Harry would allow it. Sure, he would not miss them in the least, but he would object to _killing_ them. He knew this much of the boy. _Since when do you care what Harry would approve of, Severus?_ He asked himself. He shook his head. He did not know. What he did know, and feel, was the bubbling anger he felt when he thought of the Dursleys, or what they did to Harry. And whenever he felt this…hate, it had to be taken care of. He opened the door, the cheap lock not stopping him in the least. He entered the front hall and looked around. All was gone. The Dursley men had up and deserted the place, and as Snape walked from room to room, he saw scraps of trash and things that were now considered junk. They were gone for good. Fortunately for Snape, they did not, being muggles, know anything about essence, or essence spells, for that matter. Snape tapped his temple with his wand and his vision changed. There was now different colors allover the house, whether it had been cleaned or not, the essence of something that came from those living there, was still present. There was not as much urine or semen—which was the strongest presence in the house—in any of the other rooms as there was in the second bedroom, and Snape decided, no matter how bad it was, that he had to use the strongest, newest essence. He stood in the middle of the room and looked around. That which was tinted dark blue was Harry's, the Yellow must be Dudley, and the purple must be Vernon. There was a tiny spec of dark green, and Snape guessed that it was the only trace of him that had been left.

(Essence: We carry our essence everywhere, in our skin, our hair, our nails. This means that everything we touch pick up some of ourselves. The longer the contact, the more essence is transferred. Thus, if you get clothing someone has worn when she or he was active, or hot, or upset, you will have more than enough essence to work a spell) (that essence not was from Tamora Pierce's Trickster's Choice, page 171) He enclosed a piece of the yellow and purple in a clear bag, careful not to get any on himself. He then went into the kitchen and set up a small space where he could work quickly. He took out a small cauldron and placed it by the sink, filling it halfway with water. Next he let the bag of the essence drop into it, adding skullcap and a small pouch that had a variety of herbs. The effects were immediate; the potion bubbled and turned clear, just as it was supposed to. Snape stared intently at the surface, which was now beginning to harden. Like a mirror, it reflected his image back at himself. Soon the image changed however, showing Snape a sign.

* * *

(yet another beta note, this oneby captain o)

You are a very mean person that I do not love anymore because you told me to read the story and you didn't have it FINISHED! **Cries** you make me somewhat sad you know…stop my breathing and slit my throat **music noises** I must be emo I don't jump around when I go to shows **music noises** I must be emo dye in my hair and polish on my toes **music noises** I must be emo COZY: **is amused by this and sings 'Super Freak'**

(sorry bout that!)

* * *

Snape's lips moved, forming nonsensical words. Soon the surface held a firm picture. Dudley and Vernon sat across from each other in a dank motel room, the window blinds were open and Snape could see the sign for the motel through it. That was all he needed. He quickly cleared the surface with a wipe of his hand and packed his kit, working at top speed. When he was satisfied he had left nothing here to suggest he had been, he apparated to the place he had seen. He made his way past the front desk, ignoring the indignant clerks cries. He had, luckily, seen the room number in the vision, so he didn't have to waste time by opening every door. He went straight to room 432 and opened the door, face twisting in a menacing smirk as he watched the two fat men scuttle away from him, fear radiating off their bodies.

"I told you I would be back." He said, voice gliding through the ear to bite the men.

"L-listen you—" Vernon stuttered.

"Dursley, now is perhaps not the best time to anger me more," Snape almost purred. He was going to enjoy this. Vernon gulped. Snape was looming over the two, who now sat against the wall on the floor. He smirked at them.

"I understand you have been _using_ mister Harry Potter since the winter break, and unfortunately for you, I am also the one who gets the pleasure of squashing your very existence." He said, almost laughing at the picture they made. They were both shivering uncontrollably now. "So, I think, to start…"

* * *

A/N: Yes, this is where it ends! Sorry for the cliffy (no, I really am this time) but you know, I gtg! In the next chapter you will find out what Snape does, I promise. Its oh-so-vengeful and satisfying beyond belief. I didn't want him to _kill_ the Dursleys, but we couldn't very well leave them alive either, now could we? So yeah….it makes me happy! I love you all and I'm really sorry for the cliffy! I will be getting a flash drive soon, so that means updates will be _a lot_ quicker. Yay!

oh, and sorry for the random beta notes...if you have a problem, let me know, but people seem to find them amusing so they will be reappearing...

Kozi


	11. Chapter 11: Harry

A/N: ok so we are now on chapter 11, and I have no clue as to what to do next. Besides the obvious Snape kill Dursleys make-them-pay type thing, what next? We will have to have Harry find out and something will happen and all us fangirls can squeal and shout and stuff…. but then where does that leave me? Harry will probably go back to his regular classes, but not feel well enough to go back to dorms (or so he will say ;) and then that _thing_ that I discussed non-stop with my beta's will happen and then…. ok so it seems I have a lot of ideas…yells at random people well, like I said I'm in Wisconsin…well, Nebraska, but the point is I will _be_ in Wisconsin, and I wanted to take a tiny bit of your time to point out that I'm taking my own time away from my trip to write this, so the least you can do is press that button and review, right? Well, even if you don't, that's ok, thanks for reading it, and anyone who already has reviewed, thank you for your reviews! I loves them sooo much. Well, enjoy! I take joy in the fact that when I get done I will most likely be able to post 10 and 11, and most definitely ten, so yeah…R&R!

oh, and sorry for the late update, chapter 13 will be out in like, a day or two, cause its ALMOST finished...i really wanted to post it today but oh well, what ya gonna do? loves!

Kozi

Chapter 11: Harry 

Harry woke, shaking and sweating, casting around blindly for Snape, and realized he wasn't there. He tried to calm himself down, tried to reassure his mind that he was in his room in snapes quarters, not back in his cupboard. The darkness fed his fear that he was back and he curled up, bringing the sheet tight around his body. He stayed that way, eyes open, throughout the night until a soft glow lit his room and showed him that he was indeed safe. Following the glow was Snape himself, entering the room with reiki. He frowned at Harry.

"Potter what are you doing?"

"I-I thought I was back…and you were gone and it was dark and I—" Snape waved his hand.

"Enough. I just came back from the Dursleys and I'm _tired _so if you would not mind, I'm going to bed." Harry nodded and grabbed his hand, making himself comfortable for sleep. When Snape did not sit down in the chair, he peeked one eye open.

"Aren't you going to sit?" he asked. Snape sat in the chair slowly.

"What, you aren't going to ask millions upon millions of questions?" Snape asked curiously.

"Your tired," Harry said as if this explained everything.

"Oh so your going to sleep at the same time I do so when I wake up you can bombard me."

"That's the plan. Not to mention that I didn't get much sleep without you here, and _I'm _tired." Harry replied. Snape shrugged, and Harry closed his eyes again, content and wrapped in warmth and comfort. Snape watched him suspiciously and then laid his head back, closing his own eyes.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Snape woke up with Harry's face inches from his own.

"Potter," He growled, turning away and standing.

"Good Morning!" Harry said.

"No its not. I'm hungry," Snape said, glaring as he tugged Harry along behind him to the living room to order breakfast. (Harry still had not returned his hand) Harry ate quickly and went straight to the library when he had finished. Snape found him reading.

"Do you not want to know?" He asked, sitting down. Harry looked up.

"I don't know. On one hand, I do, but then again, I don't. It's…complicated."

"Well I will just tell you anyway. I didn't kill them." Harry looked shocked at this. "Did you want that?" Snape asked. Harry shook his head.

"I didn't want them there, but I didn't want them dead…" he explained, which wasn't really an explanation at all. Snape laughed a little, but not humorously.

"I know. That's part of the reason I didn't, though I wanted to. For some reason, I was incapable of dong it since I knew you wouldn't want it." he fixed Harry with a look as if to say it was his fault. "So, I did the next best thing. I made sure that over the years they would feel every blow and…feeling they inflicted upon you, the punishment spanning out before they die. They will feel everything they did to you on their own bodies for the rest of their lives." Harry's eyes were wide.

"Everything?" he whispered.

"Everything," Snape said with finality.

"…"

"Potter?"

"That's worse than death." Harry said finally.

"Yes," Snape said smugly. "Ending it quickly just wasn't satisfying enough,"

" …"

"Potter?" Snape didn't know why, but he felt himself caring about the boy's opinion.

"Thank you," Harry said quietly. "I don't feel like I deserve it, and I know you disagree, which makes me feel good, but thank you. I don't see why you bother…"

"Well the headmaster _did_ assign me to the project," Snape drawled.

"Oh, right." Harry said without feeling.

"However I do feel a sense of protectiveness over you for some odd reason. I suspect its because you live in _my_ place and you…" Snape stopped himself abruptly.

"What?" Harry prompted quietly. He had started at the upfront way Snape was attacking this, wondering what Snape had been drinking lately.

"Never mind Potter. It would probably make you have a psychotic break down with good reason." Snape said without humor. He was looking down at his book again. Harry wanted him desperately to say what he had started to, even if it made him into a homicidal maniac. He let these feelings roll off him, wishing Snape could feel them. Maybe he could.

"Tell me I promise I won't freak out. You could always obliviate my memory if I do." Harry promised.

"I would rather avoid the whole mess, thank you."

"Please? I really, really want to know."

"No, Potter." Snape said a bit harshly. He had read the same paragraph three times now.

"Tell me," it wasn't a whine, nor a demand. It wasn't even a plead. Snape was hard-put to figure out what exactly it was. Snape thought. _I _could_ always obliviate him,_ he mused.

"You are…mine," he said, wondering if that explained how he felt at all. Harry was quiet. "Do you want me to obliviate you?" he asked after a few moments of pure, tense silence.

"No!" Harry said, looking at him, shocked. He blushed. "I _am_ yours." He said, almost happily. Snape glared at him suspiciously.

"I think we are thinking of two very different things here, Potter."

"No, I owe you big, you…you…you…" Apparently Harry could not think of exactly what Snape was, but Snape was waving at him to continue, "And you own me, I _am_ yours…I owe you so much…" Snape got distressed at this idea.

"No, that's not what I mean at all! I'm not sure _what_ I mean, actually, but it's not like that. You owe me nothing. I'm doing what anyone with a shred of decency would do; I'm doing what you deserve. You owe me nothing in that or any respect." Harry scrunched up his facial features.

"Then what do you mean?" Snape sighed.

"I just said, I don't know."

"Oh. Could you mean love-wise?" Wow, that's a turn. Harry wasn't blushing for once. He was looking at Snape, waiting for a reply. This is definitely something to go on the growing list of different personalities Harry had. Also, the thought made Snape very uncomfortable, because he could not deny it nor accept it.

"I don't know," he said slowly, and Harry looked back down at his book.

"Oh, ok well when you figure it out, let me know." Snape was in wonderment as to how Harry was taking this. Harry must have guessed what he thought and shrugged, eyes still locked on the book. "I don't mind being owned by someone I like. It actually makes me feel…cared for" he winced, as if expecting a harsh comment or even a hard knock to the head or shoulder. Snape thought about this.

"And I feel…like I'm caring for someone." He said, laughing slightly.

"So it's a caring kind of own," Harry stated in a that's-the-end-of-that tone, going back to his book. Snape nodded and looked back down at his own thick volume, and soon they were both engrossed in their text and did not look up until Reiki came in several hours later.

_And I can't make it on my own (I can't make it on my own)_

_Because my heart is in Ohio…_

_So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight_

_And die_

_Because you killed me, you know you do you killed me well, you like it too and I can tell, you'll never stop until, my final breath is gone._

Snape glanced sharply at Harry.

"Potter," he growled. Harry looked up, wide-eyed at him.

"I don't feel like that, honest!" he said, glaring at Reiki for effect. The song changed.

_There's one poor child who saved this world and there's 10 million more who probably could…_

_Better days…_

Snape scrutinized Harry for a few minutes and when he was satisfied that Harry wasn't going to go jump off the tallest tower of hogwarts, he went back to his book. They grew to ignore Reiki, who produced song after random song, each having a different meaning.

"Maybe he's more like a CD player playing an endless CD," Harry mused.

"English, Potter," Snape, snapped, pulling himself out of his book irritably.

"Uh…" Harry tried to explain. Snape nodded after a moment.

"It does seem so, doesn't it? I think it is merely trying to amuse us. When it sings a song that is big on your emotions, I feel it too so its not like I don't know what and when your feeling, but its strange." Harry nodded agreement and stood.

"Hmmm I want lunch," Harry said, scratching his ear almost cat-like. Snape nodded and continued reading. "What your not coming with me?" Harry asked, hurt.

"No," Snape said without looking up.

"Planning to starve yourself?"

"_No, _I am _trying_ to read. I'm not hungry just yet." Snape said, glaring up at Harry.

"Oh come on, it will be lonely!"

"Must you do everything with me by your side?"

"It would be nice,"

"So the next time you need to piss should I follow?"

"No, I'm quite sure I can handle that on my own. But eating I have been having a real hard time with…" Harry trailed, letting the threat hang. Snape knew he wasn't being fair. He also knew that the boy could go days without eating if need be and he would hold out until Severus sat down with him and watched him eat, however perverse it was.

"Fine Potter," he growled, slamming the book shut and following a chirpy, bouncing Harry out the library door.

At the table, between bites, Harry told the seething Snape his plan.

"So I think I can go back to school now," he said tentatively. Snape nodded mutely, knowing that the days with Harry here were numbered. "But I _don't_ think I can stay in the dorms, so I will be coming back here with you. What has Dumbledore been telling everyone, anyway?"

"He has been telling them that you have a new room away from everyone so that you can have more privacy for your nightmares. The room is close to the infirmary as well, so you will be near help if need be. He has explained your absence in classes away in the form of a trip. According to all those at this school, you are in Africa." (Sorry Cocoa-Snape for using your idea about the room by the hospital wing but I couldn't think of a better excuse…I hope you don't mind, and if you do tell me and I will try and think harder…yawn I'm tired now…)

"Cool. Why am I in Africa?" Harry said before he could stop himself. Snape rolled his eyes.

"Make something up. Your imagination cannot be too horrible." He drawled. Harry nodded.

"Ok sounds fun,"

"So, you will just go back into classes and pretend to go back to this room when in fact you come here. In time though, Potter, you will need to move back to the dorms." Harry shook his head.

"No, I think I would rather stay here."

"That can in no way help your progress past a certain stage," Snape said warningly.

"Yeah, I know. But once I get all better, I will still want to stay here."

"I cannot allow that, Potter,"

"Why not?" Harry sounded indignant, as if he deserved the right to stay here and Snape was stealing it from him.

"Because there is no good reason whatsoever."

"Yes there is,"

"No, there is not."

"Yes."

"_What_, Potter." Snape said tersely.

"Because of you," Harry said simply, as if stating the obvious. Snape just decided to ignore this.

"I don't care anymore," he said, almost tiredly. Harry smiled at him.

"Well, I guess I can start going to classes tomorrow…I need to catch up though, so bye!" He waved and left, disappearing out the library door. _First he forces me to come out here with him and deprives me of my book, then he makes me eat something, then he leaves before I'm done eating!_ Snape fumed, finishing quickly and banishing the dishes. He went back to reading, but couldn't concentrate due to the amount of noise Harry was making in the far corner. About to say something, Snape stopped, because the noise had halted abruptly. Harry had used a silencing spell. Snape read on.

The rest of the night past uneventfully. They ate, read more, and went to bed, Snape still holding his spot in Harry's room. The next day Harry would be going back to class.

Harry bounded out of bed early, feeling a mix of eagerness and apprehension, if that's even possible. Snape ignored him and left, after changing into new robes, of course.

When Harry came out and did not find Snape waiting for him, he went frantic, looking everywhere, even in the sacred-room-of-not-allowed-ness (Snape's personal room). Snape was nowhere to be seen. Finally he gave up, resolving that he would miss breakfast if he stayed any longer and deciding that if Snape did not appear in three days, he would search more thoroughly throughout the world. He met a beaming Ron and Hermione in the hall and walked to the great hall with them. He ignored the fact that every little thing they said annoyed him, casting it off to nervousness over Snape. They sat and ate, Harry being strangely quiet while he consumed his breakfast.

"Hey, you ok mate?" Ron asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, I'm fine, fine," Harry reassured, not paying him much attention as his eyes scanned the head table. Snape was there; eyes doing his usual scan of the hall while he ate. When his eyes rested on Harry, a smile tugged at the boys lips, but he knew better than to let it out. Why the man had ignored him and went straight to breakfast this morning was a mystery, and Harry planned to ask him. He turned back to the conversation.

"So how was your stay in Africa Harry?" Hermione asked eagerly.

"Mm? Oh, oh, it was fine. Good really. The place I stayed was really hot and there were a lot of bugs, but it was a great experience. I learned loads." Harry said distractedly. (I say distractedly because if he had been paying attention he would have known not to hint at secret knowledge to Hermione)

"Oh my gosh Harry! Tell me what all did you learn?" Hermione gushed eagerly, making Ron roll his eyes and turn to Dean.

"Uh…Hermione, not right now, I'm…" he wasn't really aware of what he was so busy with, he just knew that Hermione was annoying him for seemingly no particular reason and he just wanted silence. Hermione left him alone, though looking rather hurt. He tuned in and out of Ron and Hermione's conversation as they left to their first class, which was, of course, potions. Harry sat down right in the front row, getting himself a few odd looks from his fellow gryfindors. At first he didn't understand why—Hermione made them sit in the front anyhow—but when he looked around he saw that he had chosen the table directly across the way of Draco, Crabbe and Goyle.

"Oh," he said softly, but he wasn't about to move; it would look ridiculous and make him feel stupid. Hermione and Ron sat down slowly next to Harry and continued to argue heatedly about S.P.E.W. When Snape billowed in, Harry tried not to follow him with his eyes. He might have succeeded, but Hermione, being the annoyingly bright person that she is, noticed something.

"Harry?" She asked tentatively, touching his arm. He pulled away violently and looked at her, his eyes almost out of focus. "Harry?" She said even more quietly.

"Miss. Granger, interrupting my class again, I see. Ten points from gryffindor for your insolence." Snape appeared by the corner of the table, looming over Ron and making Hermione lean back a bit to see him. Harry didn't appear to see him at all.

"Mister Potter, going on that vacant expression you were not paying attention to a word I said before Miss. Granger so rudely interrupted me, so that will be another ten points from gryffindor." When this failed to wake Harry from his mind, Snape walked in front of the desk so he was the only thing in Harry's view.

"Potter!" he snapped loudly, causing Harry to jump. He looked up at Snape with a wide-eyed, innocent expression. "Ten more points from gryffindor," Snape said, and moved on with the lesson. Harry looked sheepishly at Hermione and the other Gryffindors, who were looking at him with a mix of anger and curiosity. The rest of the lesson went as usual, or, to say, as usual as it could get with things being dropped into cauldrons that didn't belong and biting comments flying across the room between the Slytherins and Gryffindors. When the class was over and everyone was filing by Snape's desk to leave a sample of the potion they had brewed, Harry stopped for a moment, a question on his mind. Snape looked up from his papers.

"Yes, Potter?" he said with the usual bit of malice reserved specifically for James' son.

"S—Mister—er—Snape—Professor Man?" Harry stuttered, tripping over his words. Snape raised a brow as the remaining students laughed.

"Do you have some form of disease that does not allow you the luxury of speaking correctly Potter? You address me as Professor Snape."

"Right, er, sorry, professor, it's just—er, never mind. I wanted to know if there was a potion that allows people who can't speak Parselmouth or understand it regularly to do so in a certain amount of time, or something?" Some of the students gasped at this, and all but one of the Gryffindors hurried out the door, as if to save their ears from hearing their golden boy speak of such a dark thing.

"This might be a discussion better suited for another time, Potter," Snape said.

"Another time?" Harry looked like Snape had gone mad.

"Perhaps after class when there isn't a line behind you," Snape suggested in a mocking tone. Harry looked behind him to see Draco and some other slytherins and quickly stepped aside.

"Oh, sorry. Uhm, but, well, I just wanted to know; is there?" he asked as Draco passed in front of him.

"Why so curious, mister Potter. One would think you would not want to associate yourself with such a dark talent beyond what has already passed."

"Its not dark! Well, ok, I guess it sorta is, but well that's stupid! Could you just tell me please?"

"What's stupid?" now Draco had entered the conversation. It seemed that he could not keep his curiosity hidden when dark things were being discussed.

"Calling someone or something dark because they have part of or all of something a previous person did, and that person before them was dark. It doesn't mean that the talent itself or newer person is dark!"

"I did not know you were so avid in defending things that tie you to the Dark Lord," Snape's face was unreadable, as always.

"I…well, I'm just saying what I think. I need to go," he turned to leave.

"Yes, Potter, there is a potion. The time limit depends on the amount a subject consumes, but the longest you can go before you have an overdose is three hours." Snapes voice calls after the boy. Harry turned, still walking, if now backwards. He smiled.

"Oh, ok thank you!" he waved and ran off as Draco turned to Snape with an odd look on his face.

"Did we just have a reasonably comfortable conversation with Potter?" he asked, puzzled as to why Harry had been so easy to talk to.

"I suppose its something in the water," Snape mutter as he returned to grading papers. Draco looked horrified at himself, and quickly walked off, face stormy.

Harry went through the rest of the day in a reasonably good mood, the not-so-horrible conversation with Snape and Draco lifting his spirits. He and Hermione got into a deep discussion over the practicalities of nvbl and verbal spells, arguing over the advantages and disadvantages. Ron was just utterly annoying to the both of them and soon was in a huff over the fact that they were both ignoring him in favor of discussing books, so he was in a bad mood all evening, giving the two the silent treatment (which they actually welcomed). Hermione wasn't being her usual observant self since she was wrapped up in the world of knowledge; going through this book and that to point out intriguing parts to Harry, and so she didn't see Harry sneaking frequent looks at the head table, and nor did she notice his small, infrequent bites of his food. After a while they got up to leave, heading out into the corridor and standing at the fork where they would have to part ways, being follow by a sulky Ron.

"It was really good taking to you about our books, Harry, I'm so glad your back!" Hermione said happily as she hugged him. He flinched away from her and she looked worriedly into his face for a reason. "What's wrong, are you ok?"

"Sunburn," Harry said shortly, and she nodded knowingly.

"Right, remind me not to do that. So! Well, we will talk tomorrow, I'm sure, I still want to discuss that book by Ausa Erinside, if you're up to it," Harry nodded enthusiastically; it had been a great book.

"Yeah! Tomorrow sounds good. Well, goodnight then I will see you tomorrow…"

"Good night Harry!" Hermione said cheerfully and sprang down the right hall towards her destination (Library, of course).

"Night mate," Ron made a half-hearted attempt at normality.

"Goodningt, see you tomorr—" But Ron was already gone. Harry shrugged and turned down the corridor that led to the dungeons. He was looking down, lost in thought, when he ran into someone. Looking up, he saw a slightly disheveled Draco Malfoy sitting on the floor.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't see you, do you need help up?" Harry extended his hand, forgetting for a moment that he would rather not be touched and that he was talking to Malfoy.

"_No_ what is _with_ you, Potter?" Malfoy said angrily as he righted himself.

"Uh…"

"Your talking to Slytherins without insulting them, offering to help me up, _apologizing_ for knocking me over, did you take a bad potion or something?"

"Oh…uhm…I, I guess…well, would you rather me be how I was?" the question caught Draco off guard for a moment, but he replied soon enough.

"Well, I suppose not," he sighed. "What are you doing down here, anyway?"

"Uhm…" Harry tried to think of a good explanation. "I was looking for something I think I lost down here earlier," he said unconvincingly. Draco looked at him suspiciously.

"Your not doing anything…slytherin, are you? Though I can't imagine that, seeming as how you are a _horrible_ liar."

"No, nothing slytherin," Harry said with a slight grin. "Hey, uhm…malfoy?"

"Huh?" Draco said distractedly, his mind already on some other subject.

"You remember, in first year, when you offered to be my friend?"

"Yeah?" Draco said with a tinge of regret in his voice.

"Well, I think I would like that," Harry said and stuck out his hand. Draco stared at the had, and stared. "or not," Harry said faintly, lowering it.

"No!" Draco said and grabbed it quickly, giving it two good shakes before letting go. "you just really surprised me, that's all. What made you do that, anyway?"

"Well, your decent enough to talk to, when your not insulting my friend,"

"Only one friend?"

"Well Ron is a bit…"

"I see. What of Granger, then?"

"She is still a really good friend, and I hope you can stand her being around." Harry said with the air of; 'she was my friend first, so you will be the first to leave if you have a problem with her'.

"Well, she _is _irritatingly genius," Draco said, a small, almost dreamy smile on his lips. Harry nodded.

"Well, see you, " Harry said and started walking off. Then he stopped. "Oh, and Draco?"

"Yeah?"

"You still got that thing going on with Hermione?" Draco looked horrified.

"She told you?" He sounded scandalized.

"No, I was unfortunate enough to walk in on one of your 'meetings'…" Draco almost blushed.

"Yeah, we are still going together…secretly, of course. If you ever tell anyone—"

"Well, seeming as how you are both my friends, that isn't very likely now is it?" Draco shook his head.

"There is defiantly something about you that I must have overlooked, Pott—Harry. By the way, are you going on a crash diet or are you going to have a second meal when you get wherever you're going?"

"Huh?"

"Well you see Harry, when someone doesn't eat nearly enough food, their friends are allowed to comment on it…"

"Oh," Harry blushed. "I will probably eat something when I get where I'm going, I just wasn't really hungry…" Draco nodded.

"If you go anerexic…"

"Got it. Well, bye…" and he was gone. Draco stood there to collect his thoughts for a moment, and then went off to the Gryffindor side of the castle.

When Harry entered 'their' quarters, he found Snape sitting at the table with a book.

"Hey," he said quietly, sitting down next to him.

"Good evening." Snape inclined his head and continued reading. Harry lay down on his back, propping his head on snapes knee so he could see snapes face. Snape glanced down at him and moved his book so it was obscuring his view of Harry. Harry made a face at the book.

"Meanie," he muttered.

"You're the one interrupting my reading, Potter," Snape reminded, moving the book up so he could scowl at Harry.

"Yes well its rude to read and ignore your guest."

"Guest? I would not go so far as to describe you as a guest."

"Well that's a start." Snape rolled his eyes.

"So what are we doing now?"

"Well, I doubt you finished all your homework." Snape said almost hopefully.

"No, Hermione and I spent most of lunch in the library and I got it done then." Harry said smugly.

"My you are turning into quite the scholar." It was said in Snape's usual sarcastic way, but this time there was a tiny, tiny hint of something else. Pride, maybe.

"Well, it really keeps your mind off…other…things." Harry said, his eyes trying to look at something besides Snape when he said it, but not being very successful.

"Such as?"

"Can't you guess?"

"So there isn't anything else ever on your mind?" _What happened to quidditch, and this prank and that one? How torturous that must be, to think of one thing all the time! you would know all about that, wouldn't you Severus?_

"Well, besides this book and that, and classes, mostly what occupies my spacey brain is you, what happened, and you." Harry said, shifting so his legs hung over the back of the couch.

"I see," Snape said carefully. There was silence for a while, and Snape when back to his book while Harry stared off into the distance.

"Severus?"

"What," Snape snapped.

"Uhm…" Snape set the book down quietly on the table and looked at Harry. Harry sat up a bit, his back resting against Snape's knees, so his face was precariously close to the man's own. He leaned up a bit more and pressed his lips against the cool, soft ones before him, savoring the smell, the taste, the _feeling_ that ran through him when his skin brushed Sevruses'. Snape stiffened for a moment then brought his hand up to support Harry, grasping his shoulders and deepening the kiss. Harry gasped a bit; he hadn't expected any reaction at all. Snape took advantage of Harry's open mouth and slid his tongue along his bottom lip. Harry's tongue touched his tentatively and soon they were hungrily exploring the other's mouth. Snape pulled back first, looking at Harry for any sign that he had gone too far. Harry was breathing heavily, a small smile on his perfect lips, eyes searching Snape's for a reason for pulling away.

"I think, we should not…rush this, your recovery is the important thing as of now and I do not want to muddle that in any way. I also…"

"What?" Harry prompted, wondering what recovery and muddle and progress had to do with snapes mouth coming back to his _this instant._

"I would like it if I knew exactly what sex means to you," Snape said carefully, thinking.

"Sex? It's dirty, its wrong, it bad. There is nothing good about it and no way for any good to come from it. It can only bring harm. But this?" he reached up and stroked Snape's cheek. "This is not sex…this is…stronger, greater, more pure than anything I have done, ever."

"You realize that 'this' may end badly," Snape said slowly, quietly. Harry nodded.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take. For just a taste of _this_, I would…die, if it meant I got a small bit of _this_." Snape nodded tightened his grip on Harry, pulling him closer so as to have better access to his mouth.

"We shall try," he said softly before catching Harry's lips with his own once more.

_Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always,_

_Kiss you, taste you, all night, always._


	12. Chapter 12: Getting Rid of Ron

A/N: Ok so I feel like I have captured some great many things here and I plan to post it even though it is relatively short. Chapter 12 will be longer, I promise! Please tell me what you think, and push that button right there! Please? I'm going to go kill myself for the cheesiness of that last chapter…goes off and hangs self aww well, I how _you_ al like it, that's the important thing. Actually, this is the longest chapter yet….hehe. Happy fourth of july!

**Chapter 12: Getting Rid of Ron**

**A/N:** ok so I need to take this time to apologize to all those who love Ron, cause I don't. So, sorry, Captain Oblivious, anyone else who likes Ron, but I don't like him so I'm going to get rid of him and turn Harry dark (but not really dark, I mean, its like a compromise, sort of.). So…oh, and if you get mad at me and say "Who gives you the right without asking me, your reviewer!" I _did_ ask my reviewers…in review replies, so don't blame me! I hope you like it. R&R ne?

Harry was exiting Snape's quarters when Draco Malfoy walked up.  
"So Potter, _this_ is where you were last night." He said, smirking.

"No, well, I mean I--"

"I had my suspicions, of course. Hmmm, Potter and Snape…" Draco seemed to be teasing him.

"Well, it's not like that though! Well, I mean…" Harry blushed.

"That's ok Harry, I won't tell if you don't," Draco winked. "I have been telling Snape for a while that he needs to get out more, see some men and such. I'm glad its working out for both of you. I can't tell you how many nights I had to listen to Hermione worry over you finding someone." Draco rolled his eyes, and Harry's blush deepened.

"Well I'm glad she didn't go for Ron…"

"Why is that? I won't have you cheating on Severus with Ron…"

"What! God no! No! No! No! No! No! I was just saying that Ron cannot keep up with her on any level and you can. She needs someone who understands what she says and doesn't have to simplify her answer for them. She needs someone like you," Harry smiled, and a small, pleased smile spread over Draco's face.

"So, are you actually going to eat today?"

"What? Oh…no, I ate before I left…" Draco scrutinized Harry for a moment, and then heard a growl.

"Liar. Nice try. You will eat this morning or I will force you to. I suppose you have your own reasons for this, but I can't think of any that are good ones. Mind telling me?"

"No…"

"Then I will tell Snape that you're not eating," Draco stated. Harry looked up from the interesting spot on the ground, worry lacing his facial features.

"No! Please, no. I will eat, I swear."

"You better Potter." Harry waited a few minutes after Draco left and then headed towards the Great Hall, making sure it didn't appear like they had come together. Harry sat down with Hermione, ignoring the fact that Ron wasn't there, and launching straight into a discussion about, of course, books.  
(Ok quick A/N: People keep telling me that Harry is OOC because of his love of books, so I want to take a moment to explain. The only way to get away from the memories and self-loathing is to immerse yourself in a good book and live in the world it creates. So thus Harry reads A LOT to escape what happened. Soon he will have to face it, of course, but even then he will always have a love of books ever after for the way they helped him)

Harry forced himself to eat, knowing that two people in the room were watching him closely, though pretending not to. He suspected Draco had said something to Hermione as well, for she was also watching him with a concentrative look on her face. He took small bites, then larger bites, forcing the food down. He wasn't sure why he was having such trouble now, when he was perfectly fine when Snape was eating with him, but he figured it had something to do with Snape. Of course it did. He sighed and looked up, pretending to look at all the staff in general but really focusing on Snape. Snape, in turn, was watching him, giving him a look that to Harry was most defiantly 'eat', but to anyone else who was watching it would look like 'hate'. Harry turned back to his food, containing himself until he was sure no one would connect the smile spreading across his face with Snape, and pretended like he really enjoyed the food. It dawned on him near the end of breakfast that Hermione had no idea about him and Snape, but Hermione's boyfriend, his enemy only days ago, did know. He resolved to tell her before their first class, and drew her out to the hall.

"Hermione," He started.

"Yes, Harry?"

"Well, I…I figured out who I like."

"Oh my! Harry that's wonderful! Do you love them?"

"Yes," Harry said this with certainty.

"Oooo! Who is it?"

"Er…you won't get mad?"

"As long as its not Draco," (Draco had evidently told her that Harry knew about the pair)

"No! No, it's not Draco. It's…well, Severus." Hermione's eyes widened, softened, then hardened.

"How the _hell_ did you go from hating that man to loving him?" she demanded.

"Uhm…well, its complicated…" She nodded knowingly.

"It always is. Well! I'm so happy for you Harry!" she moved to hug him and he stepped back. "Oh, right, sunburn." She laughed. "So! When did this start, have you told anyone else yet? Does he know?"

"I haven't told anyone besides you, and Draco sort of…found out, and yes, he does know." He smiled so broadly at Hermione she stepped back a tiny step. She hadn't seen him smile so brightly in ages! "He…he said 'we will try' last night,"

"Wait, he accepted all this just like that? And wait, what? _Last night?_" Harry blushed.

"Well, erm, Hermione…you know the room I have so that I can have privacy for my nightmares?"

"Yes," she said, trying to work out why this had anything to do with anything.

"Well, its not actually my room, its Snapes, he is supposed to help me with the nightmares and stuff, only, I haven't had any nightmares since I moved in. I wasn't really in Africa, either, I was studying with Snape. Occlumency and D.A.D.A and all that," Harry took a breath and ignored the slightly hurt look on Hermione's face. "And then, in one of my occlumency lessons, my feelings sort of came out a little sort of. And then it took a really long time but finally he said that!" Hermione shoved her hurt look aside and jumped up and down.

"Oh my god! Harry this is so wonderful! I can't belive it! oh I'm so happy for you Harry!" Harry smiled brightly.

"I know…" he sighed.

"What is it Harry?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," he said with an almost dreamy smile on his face.

"Ok, so what about class? I saw that you tried not to watch him during class, but it wasn't too convincing. I couldn't guess that you liked him, but it seemed like something was up. And so now that your…together, I know Snape can keep this a secret, but can you?"

"What! Hermione!"

"Well, you see Harry, Snape does a wonderful job of hiding every single emotion he ever had, but you my dear, cannot hide anything." Harry was about to retort and sighed. For her purposes, she was right.

"True, Just let me know discretely that I'm doing something I'm not supposed to, and I will stop. Ok?" She nodded, smiling.

"Sounds good." She looked down at her watch. "Oh! I still have a few minutes to get to the library before class starts. Are you coming?"

"No, I will just go to class early…" she smirked in a very Draco-ish fashion.

"And it just so happens that our first class is potions. Very well, see you later Harry!" She waved and jogged off, leaving a blinking Harry in her wake.

"That went well," Snape, it seemed, had been listening. And, being the spy that he was, had done it without either of the two the wiser. Harry spun and smacked right into him, who steadied him by grabbing his shoulders. Harry took a step back, but only so he could get a better look at Snape's face, allowing his hands to stay on his shoulders.

"What happened to your sunburn?" Snape asked quietly.

"I…I just didn't want anyone touching me." Harry said, looking down.

"And yet you will allow me," Severus said, reaching up to stoke his cheek.

"Your different," Harry said, eyes closing a bit.

"How so? How am I, the potions professor that up until this winter you hated, different from your best friend who has been by your side since you were 11?"

"Well…I don't know. And it wasn't just this winter! I _told _you, I have liked you since…I can't remember now…" Harry got a concentrative look on his face.

"Don't you mean _love_," Snape said quietly, mockingly.

"Yes, love," Harry looked up into Snape's eyes as he said it, face set in a stern look. Harry suddenly realized that they were standing outside the great hall with Snape's hands clasping firmly on his shoulders. He looked around for the startled mob that would surely be standing there by now, and saw that no one besides he and Hermione had come out yet. Well, Snape too, of course.

"I don't know what I was thinking," Snape muttered. Harry looked at him worriedly.

"No, _no_. Don't do that, please, no." he pleaded.

"I said we would try, not succeed, Harry. But I will not leave you." Snape said and brushed his lips across Harry's forehead. Harry sighed and leaned into Snape, wrapping his arms around the man's waist.

"Good." They were quiet for a while.

"We need to go to class." Snape said into Harry's hair, not pulling away just yet.

"Do we really?" Harry said, lost in the feeling of Snape's warm chest up against his face, inhaling deeply the sent that made his mind swirl.

"Yes, unfortunately." Snape pulled away, reluctantly removing his body from contact of Harry's. Harry smiled at him.

"Its good to hear that. I mean, the unfortunate part."

"Why is that?"

"Because you don't seem to usually do that."

"I will remember not to, next time," Snape's face was unreadable yet again.

"But it's a good thing! I'm sorry. _I_ will remember not to comment on stuff like that. Sorry,"

"Don't be sorry," Snape sighed. "We have to go to class now. You go ahead and I will leave time for you to get seated before I billow in." Harry stared at him, wide eyed.

"You know you billow?" Harry asked, astonished.

"Of course I do. Only an imbecile could miss that,"

"Do you practice or something?"

"_No_, and if I didn't like you so much Potter, I would hex you, and I still might," Snape _looked _like he was going to hurt someone. Harry backed down.

"Sorry, its just, well, intimidating, mysterious, intriguing, _sexy--_" Snape stopped him by covering his mouth with his hand.

"I will try and refrain from doing it then. Miss. Granger is right, you will have a hard time keeping this secret…"

"Hey! I did a pretty good job at keeping Hermione from knowing--"

"Yes well, that's something you don't _want_ people to know. On some level, you do want others to know about this. By the way, I was a bit impressed with how easily you lied to Granger,"

"Well, I didn't want to. But…lying is actually easy. Its just the things that come of it that's hard to get through."

"I'm glad you understand it so thoroughly. Now, go on," Snape pushed Harry forward a bit and Harry smiled very brightly at him before running down the hallway.

Potions class went very differently today, for with Draco, Pansy, Goyle, and Crabbe now on his side, nothing was flying into his cauldron and there weren't any mishaps. He actually did a decent potion for once, and turned it in at the end of class, barely concealing a beam. Hermione had to keep giving him warning looks though, and all but three of the Gryffindors were giving him hateful looks for being so friendly with the slytherins. All the slytherins, excluding Draco and his close friends, were mostly baffled as to why Draco was acting nicer than usual to two of the golden trio. But they followed suite, probably thinking it was another of their wonderful schemes. When Harry accidentally knocked one of them over, they all turned to Draco to see what Harry's punishment was. Draco, to their astonishment, ignored it, and to their utter disbelief, Harry picked him up off the ground and _apologized_. By the end of the day, all but a few slytherins had decided that Harry and Hermione were their friends. The ones who didn't agree to this went sulking, as did all of the Gryffindors, when they found out. Ron, in particular, was very angry. After dinner he dragged Harry and Hermione out into the hall so he could interrogate them.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" he asked, face red already.

"Well, you see Ron, Hermione and I are now friends with Draco and most of the other slytherins…but I thought that bit was obvious. Although, you are rather thick…"

"This is _not_ the time to be insulting me, _Potter_. Why the hell are you friends with _them?" _Ron grabbed his arm, tightening his grip in a painfully familiar way. (Yes, I mean the Dursleys)

"They are much better friends than you, _Weasley,"_ Harry spat, wrenching his arm from Ron's grip, trying to control his anger.

"Oh are they now? I seem to recall various mudblood comments, as well as scarhead and other stuff!" Ron yelled, the name Weasley off Harry's lips…

"Things change, Ron," Hermione said, jumping into the conversation.

"Change? Hermione, they don't change, they are slytherins!"

"What's so bad about that? The sorting hat almost put _me_ in slytherin, would you hate me too if that had happened?" Harry asked.

"Well yeah, I mean, you would be _slytherin_, but it didn't, so--"

"So we are only friends because I am in Gryffindor and the bloody boy-who-didn't-die?" Harry asked, voice dangerous. He had learned to control _most_ of his emotions since the fall, and anger would now enaminate off of him without him needing to yell or hit.

"No, I am just saying that if you were in slytherin, I _couldn't_ be your friend, because everyone in slytherin aren't trustworthy! But you were placed in Gryffindor in the end and so you are ok to be around!" Ron, however, was not capable of this feat just yet.

"Ron, Harry and I are now friends with some very wonderful people, whether they are in slytherin or not, and if you cannot accept that, you cannot be a friend of ours," Hermione said simply. Ron placed a hand on her arm, perhaps grasping it a lot harder than he meant to.

"Mione, I--"

"Hey! Weasley, get your hand of my girlfriend!" Came a voice from the direction of the great hall. They all turned to see Draco standing outside the doors, which were securely shut so none of the other student could eavesdrop, with Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle standing right behind him. Ron's eyes went wide, then looked down at his hand that grasped Hermione's arm.

"Girlfriend?" he whispered venomously.

"Its not like she--" Harry said, and Ron turned on him.

"You knew?" Draco and the others were now standing with them, waiting in the tense silence for something to happen. Time seemed to freeze for a moment, then,

"Ron, don't--" Hermione started, but Ronald Weasley finds it a lot harder to control his anger, and punched first Harry, then Draco Square in the face. This of course started a large fight, but since Draco, Pansy, Hermione, Goyle, Crabbe, and Harry were all friends now, it wasn't a very fair fight.

"What, is going on here," came a smooth voice over the racket. Harry recognized it first and looked up to see Snape standing over them. He smiled sheepishly and stood up, dragging Hermione and Draco with him.

"Uhm, you see sir, Weasley--"

"Weasley, Potter? I was under the impression that best friends didn't call each other by last name," Snape raised an eyebrow, waiting for a response.

"Well, he isn't my friend anymore, you see. He insulted a few of my very close friends from slytherin and--"

"Slytherin?"

"Well, yes, sir, and Weasley just isn't as good as a friend I thought he was. The _slytherins_ are much more trustworthy."

"Really?"

"Well, yes, they are sir. They don't mind that Hermione or I are in Gryffindor, and neither do we mind that they are in slytherin, obviously, and Weasley here _would_ mind. He even said that if I were in slytherin he wouldn't be my friend. Its people like him that cause so much trouble between the houses."

"You seem very opinionated about this, Potter. So Draco, Pansy, Crabbe, Goyle, you are all friends with Granger and Potter, correct?" They all nodded, and Ron growled. Growling was actually quite a feat for Ron, because of how beaten up he was. This drew Snape's attention to him. "Weasley, off the infirmary, I think. 50 points from Gryffindor for serious lack of judgment. Now, you six follow me." Snape spun and started walking swiftly down the hall, towards the seventh floor. Hermione came up besides Harry.

"Room of requirement?" she whispered, and he shrugged.

"Most likely." He replied, before quickening his pace. Sure enough, Snape stopped outside the wall opposite of the large fruit tapestry, paced back and forth several times, then entered the door that appeared, making sure the other six followed him. Harry looked around to see a comfortable _slytherin_ sitting room. There were three sofas with enough room for two people, and three chairs covered in black silk with a silver lining. The rug was a deep forest green and the walls…the walls a dark, dark black. So dark you couldn't tell they were there, it could go on forever…there was a fireplace, but it wasn't lit. The room stayed a comfortable temperature despite that, and Snape sat down immediately in one of the chairs. Hermione and Draco sat down on one of the couches; Harry sat on the other and spread his legs to prevent others from sitting with him. The rest of the group sat in the other chairs, Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle giving Harry strange and a bit reproachful looks, Hermione and Draco ignoring it all and waited for Snape to speak. Snape looked at Harry and spoke directly to him.

"How much do you trust your new friends, Harry?" Harry looked around at them, and they stared back. He turned to Snape.

"I trust them more than I have ever trusted anyone besides Hermione,"

"Do you know why that is?" Harry shook his head.

"Because they are slytherins. The Hufflepuffs aren't the only loyal ones; we slytherins can be very loyal to those we trust. We don't trust easily and we deceive, trick, lie, but when we do like someone, when we trust them, we _stay_ with them. For some reason, these slytherins, and I expect there are even others, have chosen to trust you," Harry looked again at the slytherins, and they again, stared back.

"But why? I mean, not meaning to be rude or anything, but why do you like me?"

"Don't get too full of yourself, Potter. Besides you being a reasonably interesting person, you are also the only one who might possibly be able to defeat the Dark Lord. I am not sure about my fellow slytherins, but I would rather put my trust in you than live like I have since birth. My parents have followed voldemort since the beginning, and I will not have anything to do with him if at all possible. I belive that there needs to be major changes in the ministry, but I do not see what killing muggles and muggle born's has to do with it. Voldemort is going in a different direction altogether, and if I can stop him, or help I will." Pansy said, shrugging. Slowly Crabbe and Goyle nodded, and Draco did not react at all.

"Draco?" Snape prompted.

"I cannot deny what Pansy has said, but I find I need to point out that our 'switching loyalties' will not go quietly. We have already, stupidly; shown where our loyalties lie, and those who remain loyal to voldemort will have told him of our betrayal by now. I fear that we are neither safe nor welcome in our own homes anymore after today, and we cannot go anywhere besides Hogwarts and feel moderately safe." Snape nodded.

"I am aware that slytherins are famed for thinking ahead, so why didn't you this time?" Harry said carefully.

"We did, and we decided that soon we will have to get our dark marks, which would make it harder to see where our loyalties lie. We figure its better to have to stay in Hogwarts than to have a dark mark mar our skin and still have to pretend." Pansy said, and Snape spoke up,

"I agree with their decision, Harry. Had I been in the same situation, I would be doing likewise. Now, the reason I ask how much you trust them is because I think you should tell them." Harry's eyes widened and he shook his head hard. Draco looked sharply at Snape.

"Tell us what, Severus?" Snape ignored him and looked pointedly at Harry.

"Harry, you have followers. They aren't following Dumbledore; they are following and trusting you. They deserve to know." Harry looked at him, eyes bright.

"Can't you?"

"No, I cannot."

"Fine" there was silence for a long time, and then quietly, very quietly, talking to his knee, Harry started.

"I…Over the winter holiday…my aunt went missing, and then my uncle and cousin…raped me. Many, many times. They beat me until I could barely breath, and if it wasn't for Snape, I wouldn't be alive. I went through serious bouts of depression and still am going through it, though I haven't…indulged since…well…"

"He went back," Snape almost growled. "After the initial things over the break, he was living with me in my quarters and after about two weeks he went back to the Dursleys. I found him there, worse off than he had been the first time, and took him back here. _Why_ he went back is not the point. The point is that during this whole time, he cut his wrists. Some of the cuts on his arms are as old at fourth year, maybe. He hasn't since, but he is still vulnerable to large bouts of depression. You, as his friends, need to help him." The room was silent and Hermione buried her face in Draco's shoulder, crying softly. Harry flinched and wrapped his arms around his shins, mouth pressed against his knees.

"Its obvious why he went back. He went back because he didn't feel like he deserved anything else. Didn't feel worthy of anything but that. He knew, or felt rather, that if that's what he was, then that was all he would ever be and he wasn't able to have anything besides that." Draco said, stroking Hermione's hair. Harry's head shot up.

"Does everyone have to know how I fucking feel? Why are my emotions so easy to figure out for others, and not for me?" Harry snapped.

"When someone is in the middle, its harder to see than those on the outside. At least with this kind of thing," Crabbe said, and the others looked at him, startled. "I don't have to pretend to be dumb _all_ the time, do I?" everyone laughed a bit, and then settled down.

"What I don't get, and no offense Harry, but what I don't get is how can we put our faith in Harry to defeat _Voldemort_ when he can't even stave off two perverted relatives?" Pansy said, giving Harry a slightly apologetic look, but mostly being the straightforward person she was.

"I think I can answer that. Harry had a certain vulnerability to his relatives because he grew up with them. With the Dark Lord, he will expect anything, but with his relatives, well, would you ever expect that blow? Don't answer that. What I am saying is that you can face an enemy easily, but when your family turns on you, it's harder. No matter if that family was good to you or not. Since you four grew up not trusting your family, you cannot understand this, but I'd like you to try anyway." Snape had the faintest hints of a smile on his face. " I cannot belive I just asked you to try and understand." Pansy, Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle looked at Harry, and Draco spoke up.

"I trust that you, Harry Potter, will grow out or put aside what happened for the better good of defeating voldemort, and I pledge myself and my resources to you and your cause." He said formally. Harry got up and walked over to Draco, an air of command in his every step. He looked at Draco--who also stood-- for a long time, before grabbing hold of his hand. He didn't shake it, but when he let go, there was a mark on him. As Draco inspected the crimson blood drop on the web between his pointer finger and thumb, Harry spoke.

"It will go away when voldemort is dead, it will never burn or hurt in anyway, and it might tickle if you are feeling a particularly strong emotion, but it should never bother you otherwise." Harry said, turning to Hermione and extending his hand out to her. Her smile was watery as she gave her hand, and she laughed a bit.

"I can't belive you didn't tell me, Harry." She said as she pulled her hand back to examine the small red dot. Harry smiled apologetically and turned to the other three. Pansy withheld her hand.

"What is the difference between your mark and his?" she demanded.

"Well, mine doesn't hurt, it will go away after he is dead, and its so discreet no one else will notice." Harry replied. Pansy contemplated a minute, and then allowed him to take her hand. When Harry was done with Pansy Crabbe and Goyle, he turned to Snape, who held out his hand without protest. Harry took it and looked at it before he dropped it and took the other one. Snape flinched as Harry drew up the arm with the dark mark on it. Harry brushed his pale white hand with his and when he drew away, the same insignia was there, in the same place as the other, stark red against so pale of skin. If you looked closely though, you could see a small change to this red drop. There was a black outline around the right side only, and a glint on the left.

"What I want to know," Draco said, leaning back comfortably in his chair, "Is how you are going to keep that from the Dark Lord, if you persist in your spying."

"Even if he sees it, he won't know what it means. Severus can say what he will to Tom about the meaning, and since he is such a good liar, Tom will belive him." Harry said.

"Why does Harry call you Severus?" Goyle asked. Harry looked almost sheepish for a minute, but the look disappeared, replaced by a small smile.

"Harry has never been one for rules and boundaries," Snape said wryly.

"Yeah but you call him Harry too," Crabbe pointed out.

"Well, I suppose when two people are together for an extended period of time, not around anyone else, one of them recovering from a bad experience and stuff, it happens that way," Harry said.

"You two are lovers," Crabbe said, finality in the words.

"I suppose it could also be put that way," Harry said after a quick glance at Snape.

"Well, we all know now, good. Lets get some sleep. We will meet here every night to help Harry with his D.A.D.A skills, and coach him on things about the Dark Lord, since we are all so knowledgeable. I am right to assume that he also has occlumency lessons and other such things taken care of with you, Snape?" Draco drawled, standing. (A/N: Ha! Draco drawled, Snape snapped! XD) Severus nodded and followed the others out the door.

"We shall meet around seven, then. Bring any trustworthy Slytherins, Ravenclaw's, hufflepuffs, or even…Gryffindors." Snape looked like he had to force himself to say that last one.

"We will. I actually need to talk to Dumbledore about something…I think that there are now three main groups. The Order, Death Eaters, and…us, whoever we are. We fight alongside the Order, but we are different. Not sure how yet. Anyway, I need to discuss some things with Dumbledore, nothing having to do with us. So I will be late tomorrow night, unless I can find a better time." Harry said and the others nodded, making there way slowly back to their rooms. Once the others were out of sight Harry wrapped his arms around Snape's waist and hugged him as they walked.

"So I am a bit curious, why _did_ you let me put that mark thingy on you? I don't know, you just don't seem like you would allow it," Snape thought.

"Well, yours is very separate from the dark lords in many ways, and it's a good way to stake who is on your side. The order should have thought of something like it. what I find curious is how you managed to get the mark on the others and myself without a wand. Even voldemort needed a wand to press the dark mark into our skins and yet you used a brush of your hand and there it is. I could _feel_ the magic coming off of you and I suppose that could only be a good thing…I think you might need some lessons with controlling it."

"Who would give me these lessons?" Harry asked tentatively.

"I belive that the only two people in this school that can perform wandless magic besides you is the headmaster, and me," Snape said.

"You?"

"Yes Potter, me," he snapped.

"No, that's not what I meant I just meant that it was surprising--I mean, I didn't know." Snape sighed.

"There are a great many things you don't know about me, Harry. Like I tried to explain before."

"Allright then tell me," Harry suggested.

"No," Snape said firmly. They were now entering 'home' and Harry had to let go of him so they could both get in the door. Once the door was securely closed and locked, Snape took off his cloak and went into his room. Feeling abandoned, Harry went into his own room and changed into pajamas, going back into the library to read. A few minutes later, Snape entered, wearing his own pajamas that were, big surprise; black silk. (A/N: Sorry! Couldn't think of anything else…suggestions…? I will change it if I like your suggestion…) Severus sat down in one of the large moon chairs and took out a book. Harry jumped out of his chair and scrambled into Snape's lap, getting comfortable as if he planned to stay.

"Do I look like a chair?" Snape asked irritably.

"Yep," Harry said, resting his head back against Sevruses chest while crossing his legs criss-cross-apple-sauce style. Snape arranged his arms around Harry so that he could continue to read while keeping the boy in a warm embrace.

"Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"Did I do right, by putting a mark on my friends?"

"You did what was needed. They allowed you to, so it's not like you put them through pain or forced it on them or anything."

"Yeah, but didn't the death Eaters allow themselves to get the marks at first too?"

"True. But yours will disappear after he is defeated and they will never hurt. They are so small, almost invisible, anyway. You needed something to tie you all together, and you got it. Don't feel bad for it, it needed to be done. You will have to do it again, you realize." Harry nodded.

"Yeah, I know. But first I got to talk to Dumbledore."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"Well, at first I wanted to be resorted. Because all the Gryffindors do is turn their backs on me, every time I do something that doesn't go with the traditional 'good guy' façade. But then I realized that Hermione would be left alone with all those idiots, and then I thought I could get her resorted too. I was _supposed_ to be in slytherin in the first place so the hat wouldn't mind resorting me, and Hermione might as well be in Ravenclaw or Slytherin, and so I don't think it would mind too much that way either. But then I got to thinking that he might not take to kindly to me forming my own side, or whatever, and I think I need to formally let him know or something. I also wanted to ask about the whole thing where he made sure they couldn't hurt me, and then they did…I would like to know about that. So tomorrow I need to talk to Dumbledore, and then we are meeting…where for the first thingy?"

"Well, I see why you need to talk to Dumbledore. You need to think of a name for this group so we don't have to keep thinking up names for it, and we are meeting in a slytherin room where we can be sure not to be overheard by the wrong people. I will come get you when we are ready for you and some of the other houses to see it, because there fist needs to be some…" Snape trailed off into thought and before long he realized that Harry was asleep. He ran a hand through the boy's dark locks and kissed his hair before going back to his book, careful not to jar him. The next day more would be decided. And divided.

A/N: Ok so I know I told some of you that I was turning Harry dark but my fingers, flying across the keyboard as they are, had a different plan. Now Harry is in charge of a whole 'nother side where he is neither with nor against Dumbledore, defiantly against voldemort, and sorta all his own thing. I was sooo tired of him being Dumbledore's man through and through; he is his _own_ man through and through, dammit! So yeah…. he will still probably get resorted and be darker than he is supposed to, but he is now off in his own little thing there…er…I hope no one minds…erm…review? Next chapter: talk with Dumbledore, naming of the new side, members of the new side, some more slash action…yup yup!


	13. Chapter 13: Ombres Cramoisies

A/N: Okay, so really quick, theres something that was changed in 12, refering to where they will meet tonight for their first meeting and stuff. in 12, I at first had one of the slytherins say 'we'll meet back here' here being the RR. then, later that night, still in 12, i had snape say that they would meet in a slytherin room down in the dungeons. in this chapter they meet in a slytherin place. i fixed it, but for all you readers who red the unfixed version, this is just a heads up. R&R!

**Chapter 13: Ombres Cramoisies**

Harry woke Snape up by nuzzling his neck and licking it, his excuse being that Snape smelled delicious.

"As if I was food," Snape said indignantly.

"Well," Harry got a devious look on his face and licked his lips as Snape changed into his robes. Snape turned his back on Harry in the most dignified manner he could muster and continued to mutter darkly until he left, the kiss he gave Harry notwithstanding. Harry got dressed quite happily and left a while after Severus, wishing the man hadn't had to leave so early. He made his way to the Great Hall and took a breath before entering, knowing what he would probably find. What he saw didn't surprise him, Hermione sat alone at the end of the Gryffindor table, and the other Gryffindors pressed as far away from her as they could manage. They all shot him hateful looks as he walked up and sat across from Hermione.

"Well, this is nice. Usually you can't get any elbow room here," he said pleasantly, grabbing some toast. Hermione laughed, looking over her shoulder at the Slytherin table.

"Harry, the others want to know if you have thought of a name, you know, for the whole side thing…" Hermione said, leaning over, keeping her voice quiet.

"Yeah, Severus wanted to know the same thing. I have an idea…"

She nodded and looked around, making sure they weren't being overheard.

"Well, I was thinking Ombres Cramoisies, that's French for--"

"Crimson Shades! Oh wow that sounds perfect Harry! Since when do you know French, anyway?"

"I don't, really. It was in a book of Snape's--"

"Oh yes! Tell me about his library, Harry, I figure he must have a wonderful collection, if you have been reading books I have never heard of. You _have_ to get me in there, no matter what!" The name forgotten, Hermione continued to rant until Harry promised to try and get her in. Halfway through breakfast a note came, delivered by Collin.

_Harry,_

_I request your presence in my office today immediately after breakfast. Severus has graciously allowed you to come during that time, and you will be making up your Potions class tonight or during lunch, your choice. I hope this finds you well,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Harry read and re-read the note, grinning.

"What is it Harry?" Hermione asked worriedly.

"Its from Dumbledore, I have to go to his office after breakfast," he said, still beaming at the paper. He didn't have to forfeit the meeting tonight, and he got to spend extra time with Snape!

Today couldn't get any better.

There was a large whoosh as the owls came in, and he spotted Hedwig right away. She was carrying a large letter.

Or could it?

He took the large envelope from Hedwig and patted her on the head, allowing her to eat off his plate before flying off to the owlry. Harry opened it eagerly, and Hermione leaned over to see.

"Its from Lupin!" he said, reading it at top speed.

"What's it say?" She prompted.

"He just wanted to invite me to stay with him over the summer holiday, since its not going to be very long and I'm not required to stay with the Dursleys, as if I could do that anyway. He is at his own house now, and he feels like I should come stay with him…" his face scrunched.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Well, I was going to try to convince Severus to let me stay with him, wherever that is…"

"Well, just split the time between the two." Hermione said reasonably, and Harry nodded, looking slightly put out at the fact that he couldn't spend all summer ogling over Snape. Hermione patting his arm sympathetically, trying to contain laughter, before getting up to leave. She didn't notice Harry wince.

"Well, I need to go to potions, good luck with Dumbledore!" she said, hugging him and running off to catch up with their other friends, leaving him to walk to the headmaster's office alone. Dumbledore greeted him warmly, for once not offering a lemon drop and getting straight to business. (OO Yes, it shocked me too)

"So Harry do you know why you're here?" Dumbledore asked, smiling slightly.

"Well, I suppose there are a few reasons, because with you everything is complicated, so you should probably just tell me." Harry sighed. Dumbledore nodded, blue eyes doing the usual twinkling bit.

"Very appropriate. Harry, it has come to my attention that you have started a separate 'side'. Something different than the order and the dark side altogether."

Harry nodded. "Well, I have always thought you too…tame, to just work for the Order, so in a way your separating yourself from it seems right, but I am worried about where that puts us."

"Excuse me sir, us?" Harry asked politely.

"You and I, my boy."

"I would like to know, first, what happened regarding the case with the Dursleys." Dumbledore seemed to be expecting this.

"Ah, yes, I knew this would come up. When I went to take care of them before winter break, I put a spell on your blood, that is to say, the relative that you live with that shares some of your blood, and that spell, as long as this subject was within five thousand feet of you, made sure that no muggle could harm you. This spell is particular, and could only be tied to someone who shares your blood, meaning if they got rid of Petunia, they were able to harm you. I took the risk, thinking, wrongly, that they were too stupid to even know if there was a spell. Or perhaps they simply wanted her out of the way. As a back up, to ensure that you would be safe, I also cast a spell on the home, so that if anything more ever happened, the persecutors would get what they deserved. And they did, in time. Harry, I did not mean for it to actually take time, but magic, all magic, interprets things and is interpreted differently. I assumed, wrongly so, that it would take effect immediately. But it didn't. It waited for the right circumstances that led to professor Snape taking care of them in the fashion he so rightly chose." Harry took a few moments to digest all the headmaster had said, then nodded slowly.

"I think that leaves us as friends, student and teacher, headmaster. We shall be very firm, very strong allies, and I will never change my loyalty, to the light side. So if that means changing my loyalties to you, I will do it." Dumbledore smiled proudly at him.

"I expect no less from you, my boy. Now, I belive you have a class to get to. We will discuss details later, I think." Harry nodded agreeably and got up to leave.

"Oh, and Harry?" Harry turned.

"I'm sorry. These words mean so little, and I cant express how I feel by them, but they will have to do." Harry nodded.

"I know how much you care, Headmaster. You said yourself its your greatest weakness and strength." The older man nodded.

"One more thing, when do you plan to make up your potions lesson?"

"I think it would be best if I did it during lunch, sir," Harry said, trying to hide the small smile spreading across his face. The Headmaster nodded again, pulling out a piece of paper, and Harry left the room.

The classes from then on went as normal, with Harry—who had, after all, read all the books and knew what he was doing—rushing through them to get to the lunch hour. When it came about, he waved goodbye to Hermione and left for the potions classroom, putting on a look of anger, annoyance and bitterness while the other students looked on. When he got to the classroom, however, seeing that only Snape was there, he closed the door behind him and leaned against it—hand still on the doorknob—locked it, and smiled broadly at Snape.

Snape, who had looked up from grading papers when he heard the door open, was now wondering why Harry was smiling so broadly.

"So what'd I miss?" Harry asked, still leaning against the door.

"Today we studied the cause and effects of the sanguine potion, balancing the pros and cons, and then we eventually made it, if you can call what came out of your classmates cauldrons the sanguine potion." Snape replied, coming from around his desk to stand in front of Harry. Harry grasped the front of his robes loosely and brought him forward for a kiss, with Snapes arms coming up to wrap around Harry; one hand grasping loosely to his hip, the other coming around to support the back of his neck. Harry leaned back against the door and the man followed, pressing against Harry. The two swirled in the sensations that one brought the other, then, after a moment Snape broke away, keeping his face still very close to Harrys.

"This is supposed to be your potions lesson," the man commented.

"I don't think I need it. I read the book, I'm sure I can scrape by with knowing the procedure without doing the actual thing, I mean, who wants a sanguine potion anyway?"

"I think you had better do it,"

"But—"

"If you get it done quickly, and do it right without my help, you wont have to do the extra work I assigned everyone."

"Everyone?"

"Well, Granger's was perfect too, of course," Snape grumbled. Harry smiled.

"Does that mean, if I do it right, that I will have free time until my next class starts?"

"That's the gist of it, yes,"

"Allright then, but I still don't think I need to. I think my time would be much better spent devoted to something else." Harry said, sliding out from between the wall and Snape, going over to the cabinet for some ingredients. Snape went back to grading papers, and Harry got to work on his potion.

Twenty minutes later, Snape looked up in response to a cheerful 'I'm done!' scowling at Harry, who looked more dishevelled then usual with a spot of green on his nose and his hair sticking up at even odder angles. Harry smiled brightly as Snape inspected the potion, taking time to watch the man unabashedly for the first time. Snape turned and when he saw Harry watching him, glared.

"So? Is it passable?" Harry asked, not a bit nervous.

"Barely," Snape said. Harrys indignant retort was cut off with the return of Snape's lips upon his. Harry stumbled back a bit, surprised, finding himself sitting on the desk behind his own. Snape leaned over him, right hand resting on the desk, the other on Harry's leg. He ran his tongue over Harry's bottom lip and Harry opened his mouth readily, the tip of his own tongue running along the side of Snape's as it entered his mouth. Harry's hands moved up and over Snape, dragging up his torso and catching on the folds of cloth. His right hand went to grasp at his hair at the base of his neck, while the other grasped loosely at the mans shirtfront. Tingling warmth ran through Harry, every nerve in his body sensitive to the other mans touch, his closeness. The parts of him not touching Snape yearned to do so; it seemed like every iota in his being strained towards Severus. The hand on his thigh was teasing him, staying in only one spot like it was. He wanted Snapes hands—no, every part of Snape all over himself _right this instant_ and knew he would have to wait.

The bell tolled. Snape broke away and cursed, Harry mimicking his language, standing up straight and trying to tame his hair—if just slightly—before leaving, straightening his clothes and grabbing his bag as Snape moved away.

"I'll see you tonight, or perhaps sooner, I have a free period right after this and before dinner…" Harry said as Snape returned to his desk, straightening things, before walking Harry to the door.

"It just so happens that teachers also get free periods, although they are called planning periods. It is also a twist of fate that mine happens to be right before diner as well, though you cannot distract me too often, or I will never get anything done, but I think if I cram a bit, I could devote my planning period to something much more interesting then grading papers…" Harry smiled very brightly at him.

"Sounds wonderful! Meet here, or back home?"

"I think home is more appropriate,"

"Ok! See you soon!" Harry stood on his toes and kissed Severus on the cheek, before unlocking and rushing out the door. Snape stood there for a moment, then turned back inside, concealing a smile.

Harry rushed through his other classes, eager as ever to get back home. When saying rush, it tends to describe—for Harry—doing all his work almost perfectly, very, very quickly. Also finishing his homework, so that he could spend he free period doing other things, and since a meeting was planned for that night, he would be forced to do his homework in his free period if he didn't now. During D.A.D.A and care of magical creatures, Hermione worked with him, chattering about this book and that, until, in the middle of C.o.M.C. she lowered her voice, sure no one was listening, and asked how things with Dumbledore had gone.

"Its fine now. I will explain the finer points tonight, but he was proud that we had gone off onto our own side, and gave leave, saying we would be allies and the like. He explained why the Dursleys were able to hurt me, and apologized with such sincerity…and then I had my lesson with Severus…"

"Oh! How did that go?" Hermione asked, smiling mischievously.

"Well, at first, he made me do my lesson, but he said if I did it perfectly, like you, I wouldn't have to do the extra stuff and could devote my time to much more interesting things," Harry said, smirking a bit.

"Oh wow, he actually complimented me?" Hermione was shell-shocked.

"Well, I had to goad him a bit, but essentially, he did admit that you were the only one who didn't have to do the extra work. His exact words were: 'Granger's was perfect too, of course'. But, he was grumbling, and it was sort of hard to hear…" Harry grinned.

"So did you do it right?"

"He said I barely passed. But then of course I got what I wanted anyway, so I didn't really much mind. I mean, who wants a sanguine potion anyway?"

"So, you got what you wanted?" Hermione asked, looking confused. Harry almost believed her, it was a very good expression.

"Must I spell it out?"

"Well, for my little brain to comprehend something that could mean so many different things, I must insist that you be very detailed in your description of the free time you got," she said. Harry muttered something.

"What was that, dear?" she asked, all to sweetly.

"Horney little fangirl," he said, a bit louder this time. She had enough dignity to look shocked.

"Why, Harry, I didn't even know that you knew our race existed!" she said, pressing a hand to her chest.

"Who wouldn't know? My god the things you people write about me…"

"I admit, some of it is a bit drastic. But there, what else are we to do in our free time? Free time being the time that we made by putting off chores and school and the like," she said reasonably.

"Of course," he agreed, nodding. She smiled.

"So? Tell me!"

"Er…maybe later…" Harry had noticed some of the other girl from various houses drifting over. Hermione looked around, then winked at him.

"Allright. Do you get to see this one again before the meeting?" She had reminded Harry of something he had momentarily forgotten, and thus his pace at which he did his work quickened again.

"Yes, we both have a free period before dinner. Well, his isn't really free, more like for planning, but he said I could come anyway…" Harry said, a small smile tugging at his lips. Hermione had noticed that he didn't smile as much anymore, and now the reason why weighed heavily on her heart heart.

"Severus never mentioned what became of the Dursleys…" she said tentatively, wand swishing discreetly to muffle their conversation, like it should have done at the start.

"He made it so that they would feel everything they did to me over the course of their lives until they died," Harry whispered. Hermione's eyes went wide.

"The Greivana Curse? That's classified as even worse than the unforgivables, most don't even know it exists. It takes a very powerful emotion to even start the spell, and it wont finish unless that emotion is tied to something even deeper. Snape must really love you." Harry looked at her strangely.

"_I_ didn't even know it existed, how did you?" he said, thinking to himself that Snape was merely giving Harry what he wanted, because Hermione had basically said that love is one of the only things that can complete the spell. She must be mistaken or something, for there was no way the man could love him in return. It just wasn't possible.

"I read it, in a muggle book."

"What? How do _they_ know about it, when most of the Wizarding population doesn't?"

"Shhh!" she said, motioning for him to lower his voice. "The muggles don't belive it exists, like with most magic. One of the authors stumbled upon it in her writing a fiction novel about magic, a very different but similar magic that we have here. I researched it using any resource I could find here in the Wizarding world, and hacked into some of the ministries files by way of magic, and found it there."

"All that for curiosity?"

"Well, yes. You _are_ speaking to Hermione Granger, Harry." Harry nodded.

"True. Well, I think the bell's going to rin—" the bell rang and everyone sprang off to their next class, Hermione going with them as Harry followed at a more sensible pace, though still quickly, for he was very eager to get home. Once he got inside the main hallway that led to their home, he started running, since no one was there to see him. Right as he got to the door, though, he tripped over the hem of his robe and fell into the door—which was not locked—and thus fell into the room. Luckily Snape had just gotten back and when he heard the running footsteps, made his way towards the door right as it burst open, catching Harry neatly as the boy fell in.

"Why hello there," Harry aid brightly, grinning up at Snape as he tried to get his feet under him.

"Only you could make such an entrance," Snape muttered, rearranging his grip on Harry from 'catching' to just 'holding'.

"Of course. Who else can fall through doors?" Harry said playfully, leaning into Snapes embrace.

"Whatever would we do without the-boy-who-lived-to-fall-through-doors?" Harry looked up at Snape, surprised.

"Hey, that was funny!"

"Shocking,"

"Well, you don't make jokes very often…"

"Of course I don't make jokes in front of stupid little—" but Harry had evidentially learned that cutting the other off with a kiss was most effective.

"Sorry," Harry said apologetically when he broke away. Snape didn't reply, still a bit disgruntled. "Hey, what _would_ you do without me?" Harry asked. Snape sat down on the couch, bringing Harry to sit with him in his lap, face pensive.

"That's one of the very great risks here. You could easily die, just as easily as I could," he said, now sombre.

"I'm glad you see that as a risk," Harry said, not exactly in a good mood now. Snape glared.

"Of course I see that as a risk, what do you take me for?" Harry smiled a bit.

"You never answered my question,"

"You didn't answer mine,"

"I asked first,"

"What do you think I would do?"

"Would you be sad?"

"I think I would be a lot more than sad."

"Something is defiantly wrong with me."

"Why is that?" Severus was grateful for the subject change, even if it was now focusing on Harry's problems.

"Cause the thought of you being more than sad after I die makes me happy,"

"There's nothing wrong with you for that, it should make you happy, just like if I had said I would be happy if you died, it would make you sad,"

"Oh, right," Harry said, looking a bit sheepish. "Hermione told me about the curse you used on the Dursleys." Harry commented, arms wrapped around Snapes neck.

"Did she now? As much as I hate to admit it, she is a pretty bright girl if she knew about that. Most of the Wizarding world—"

"Doesn't know, yeah, she told me. She also told me…er…never mind. She said that she found it in a muggle book."

"Ah, yes, for some reason, that's where a lot of rare magical things are found." Snape said, not the least bit surprised. He passed over the mention of the other thing the girl had told him, skirting disaster if it was what he thought.

"Why is that?"

"Well, I'm not completely sure, but I think it has something to do with their imagination. They can think anything they want about magic, with no limitations, simply because they don't belive it exists, while our minds, with the knowledge that it does exist, are held back by what we know of magic, so we never seem to think things that are very far fetched, thinking that there are boundaries and invisible lines with magic."

"Aren't there boundaries?" Harry asked.

"Not as many as we tend to belive. This delves into your wandless magic lesson, so pay attention," When Snape was sure he had Harry's full attention, he continued, "Magic is…well… the best way to describe it is like a mist. Some humans have this mist in them, some have more than others, and some don't have any. The average witch or wizard has enough 'mist' in them to control and use it, if they have a wand that channels the power, and others, a very rare amount of others, can do wandless magic, that is they can channel the power without a wand. The rest of the magic floats in the world, between the spiritual and mortal realms, creating the magical creatures such as dragons, sphinxes, and griffins, unicorns, anything not strictly muggle, magic had a hand in making it. Any human can be born with magic, and the amount of magic around them rarely has anything to do with it. Magic is constant though, like water. There is as much now as there was back a long time ago, though a new theory put in by the headmaster is that the intensity of it, the power, has magnified over the centuries as it is used more, just like something becomes stronger with use. So you, the headmaster and I all possess more magic than the average witch or wizard, and thus need more control. Why we never noticed it in you before though, this is my question. We will figure that out in time, I suppose." Harry took a minute to digest all of this, then said,

"Wow. So…you're going to teach me control…that is gonna be…fun…"

"I promise not to kill you. But anything else I can't assure you of," Snape said, smirking a bit and rolling a bit of Harry's hair between his fingers.

"Allright, but do we have to do that now? I mean, I can think of a better way to spend the time…"

"And what is that?"

"Well, see, I came here—" the cursed bell rang. (I HATE THAT BELL OO) Harry and Snape both growled in unison and shared a quick kiss before Harry left, making sure no one saw him exit Snape's quarters.

Harry ate with Hermione as he had at breakfast, with a few exceptions. Though the majority of the Gryfindors were still isolating the two, Dean, Seamus, and surprisingly one of the very quiet girls from fifth year named Becca came and sat with them.

"Sorry about this morning mate, but Ron was so feisty, I swear he probably would have knocked us out if we came over. Granted he's not much better now, but he isn't the best person to be around at the moment…" Dean explained.

"Yeah, besides, I want to hear all about your break. Ron said you went to Africa! Or, more like he said the African heat deadened your brain cells, but you get the general idea…" Seamus said. Harry exchanged a look with Hermione. Were these 'trustworthy Gryffindors'? Its true that Seamus and Dean had gotten into fights between each other and Harry regularly, but they always made up, and they had never spread rumours or told others his secrets even if they were fighting. But could they trust the two? And what of the girl, Becca? She hadn't said anything since she sat down.

"Well, Africa was great, and it _was_ really hot, but Weasley is just being stupid about that." Harry said, gauging the reactions of the three. The girl didn't look phased, just blinked and continued eating, while the two boys looked startled.

"Did you just call him Weasley?" Seamus asked.

"Well, Ron has been referring to him as Potter," Dean said reasonably.

"Yeah, but, that's _Ron_, I mean, he's always angry, that wasn't the first time he's called Harry 'Potter', though it _is_ the first time Harry's called him Weasley. Which is probably the reason why we are so shocked, Harry's anger isn't so raging over small things, so when it is, you know it's big." Seamus said reasonably.

"Well, he was just…I think we outgrew him," Hermione said, sighing. "He just wont grow up." Dean and Seamus nodded agreement, while Becca looked on.

"What about you? I haven't really heard anything of you besides the fact that you're quiet. I don't really know you that well and I think I'm right in assuming that those three don't either, so who exactly are you?" Hermione asked her politely.

"My name's Becca, though I'm sure you already knew that. I want to join, I want to help," she said quietly. Harry and Hermione stared at her, and Dean and Seamus looked at her quizzically.

"Join what?" Dean asked. Hermione, the first to accept the strange girl, asked quickly,

"Do you find them as 'trustworthy Gryffindors'?"

"I think that's for you to decide." The girl said, holing Hermione's gaze with her own.

"Well how do we know we can trust you?" Hermione mused, more to herself than the others. She stood abruptly, grabbing Harry and Dean by the arms, dragging them outside the great hall with Seamus and Becca close behind. She let Dean go and pulled Harry a bit to the side, whispering fiercely.

"Somehow Becca found out. Though her knowledge entails spy work, I think we can trust her. She seems to know a lot already, and when we get to Daun, we can evoke a truth spell to be sure of her loyalties,"

"But…who…is…she?"

"Becca. Anyway, we need to decide now whether or not to include Dean and Seamus."

"I think…we should," Harry said slowly.

"Well, it's your call Harry,"

"Wait, what do you think?"

"I agree with you,"

"Allright." They returned to the other three, briefly explaining things to Dean and Seamus.

(I'm a fairy princess! BAM! Lol sorry I was bored. I sunshine the fairy princess) (ssssssssssssss…. I be a snake)(t…i…double guh…er) (er…that was my friend…sunshine…a close friend of the Captain's as well…er…yeah…Oo)

The bell rang yet again and Harry and Hermione dragged dean and Seamus along with them towards the dungeons, Becca not far behind. They met Snape along the way, who showed them specifically where Daun was. They walked for what seemed like a long time through the labyrinth that was the dungeons, finally stopping outside of a door.

"Open it, Harry," Snape said, motioning to it.

"Why me?" Harry asked curiously as he reached out to the doorknob.

"Because, we have set it so that only you and yours can enter. Have you thought of a name?"

"You set it?" Harry asked as he opened the door and walked in. They were in a comfortable place; there were black, cushioned benches along two of the walls, and a black table in the corner between the benches, while the stone floor was unusually carpeted in soft black carpet. The walls were equally as black, whereas the light came from clear crystal orbs placed symmetrically, three along each wall, giving of pure, even, unwavering light. Silver claw like things held the orbs, while the benches seemed to be held up entirely by the wall. On the other two walls there was nothing, just clear space. When one looked up he could see nothing but pure black, as if it was the sky without stars, for the orbs had no effect on it. Harry looked around, marvelling at it. It felt as if he was floating in the middle of space, with twelve, evenly spaced stars about him.

"Yes. I found this room when I was younger, and since then, have mastered the control over it. I used to hold slytherin meetings in here sometimes, on occasion, but now we can use it entirely for your needs. I can set it to allow anyone I wish in, while keeping the others out. As for now I have set it so that only you can open the door, but once we get the new people marked, I will reset it so that all those with the blood drop on their hand may enter. Anyone else who opens the door will find merely a broom cupboard, nothing more, and not even Dumbledore can get around its defences. I'm not even sure if he knows it exists." Snape replied, entering after Harry and motioning for the others to follow. They did, hesitantly, looking around in the same wonder Harry had held. Strange music drifted on an invisible breeze, creating an eerie sense throughout the room. Harry sat on the edge of one of the benches, Snape sat next to him, with Hermione sitting next to him, Making a space next to herself by putting her bag there. Dean, Seamus and Becca sat on the bench along the other wall, looking at them all expectantly. Harry felt an elbow nudge his ribs and he sighed.

"Lets wait till the others get here, so I don't have to keep re-explaining things. Er…though, Becca, I would like to know how you found out," He said as Becca shrugged.

"I'm small, and quiet. No one notices me. I hear things. I was in the hallway near the prefect's bathroom," She blushed, "Ditching class to finish my book, when Pansy and Draco started talking. They didn't notice me, and I heard about your…group. I sat with Harry and Hermione at dinner and said I wanted to join." Hermione smiled.

"You will subject to a truth spell? No offence, but you see, we cant be to careful," Becca nodded,

"Yes, I figured on something like that, I know I must seem suspicious." She said and Hermione drew her wand.

"Miss Granger, what spell do you plan on using?" Snape cut in before she cast it.

"The spell form of Veritaserum, of course," She said, slightly offended.

"While a good choice, it has risks that the potion does not. I suggest the potion," Snape replied, pulling out a small vial. Hermione conceded and Becca took the potion, saying the same thing to several different questions as she had said without the potion. Satisfied, Snape put the vial back in an inside pocket. There was a nock on the door, and after a minute Harry gave a small 'o' of remembrance, and jumped up to open it. Draco and his usual people came in, followed by an assortment of others, mixed houses and all. Draco moved Hermione's stuff and sat next to her, while the others took seats along the remaining areas of bench. When they were all settled, looking expectantly at Snape, Harry spoke up.

"Is this everyone?" Draco nodded.

"We weren't sure who you two had invited, and just invited all of those we thought we could trust, from all houses." Hermione and Harry blushed slightly.

"Er…yeah, we sort of forgot, you see, I think…well I was a bit distracted all day, and I'm not sure about Hermione, but I think we both forgot. But out of the people you brought, I think you got everyone that I would have." Harry said. Hermione nodded.

"I thought as much," Pansy said, smirking a bit.

"Hey!" Dean spoke up. They all turned their eyes to him. "Could you tell us why we're here, please? And could you please stop talking about us as if we weren't here?"

"Sorry," Hermione said and looked at Harry.

"Er…yes. Well, lets see…how many of your parents are in the Order?" Harry said, standing. About half the room's occupants raised their hands.

"And how many of you have no clue what that is?" Harry continued as only a few hands were raised.

"Ok, and now…how many of you consider yourself on the light side, or at least, against Voldemort?" A shudder (of course) ran through the crowd as everyone raised their hands. Most everyone looked on in shock as Draco, Snape, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle raised their hands. _What I'd like to know is how Draco got them to follow him if most of them thought he was on the dark side, _Harry thought.

"Allright. Well, for those who don't know, the Order of the Phoenix is a…well, a side that fights Voldemort and the Death Eaters, and has been fighting since he first started doing…bad stuff. Dumbledore is in charge of it, and it's mostly made up of the people left over from last time, their family, and the teachers at this school. Well, my friends and I friends have started a whole different side. Like the D.A. last year, only not Dumbledore's, ours. The ones in the Order don't seem to realize that we can do just as much, and wont let us help cause we are underage. They wont even accept those who are of age, say we need to be experienced. So here we are. I figure we will do as much as we can to help the order subtly, as well as train ourselves in more advanced spells. We are our own side, those who want to join. It took me a while to think of a name, but I finally settled on Ombres Cramoisies, that's French for crimson shades. It's a pretty long name, and I've been calling it OmCra in my head, but you can shorten it to whatever you would like. I have put this…tattoo on all the members so far, to distinguish ourselves from the others," Harry held up his hand, where the blood drop was clearly evident. "It will never hurt, and will disappear after we have defeated Voldemort, and it's so small you cant really see it unless you look. It's a subtle way of declaring ourselves." Harry lowered his hand and waited.

"Well, as you know, I'm with you Harry," Becca said, extending his hand. He smiled at her and brushed his hand over hers, the tattoo appearing on the web of her hand like the others.

"And…me, Harry." Dean said, moving forward a little so his hand was in reach of Harry's. Harry touched his hand, and the mark appeared.

"Me too!" Seamus said happily, pushing dean out of the way.

"And me!" Luna Lovegood said, coming forward.

"Don't forget me," said a short Hufflepuff by the name of Joshua.

"I'm in," another slytherin said.

Soon everyone in the room had a red drop on their hand, except for two slytherins, who were about to leave.

"Hold on!" Hermione called, rushing forward, waving a piece of paper and quill around. "You need to sign this, you know, for security and stuff. If you don't want to join, that's fine, but we need you to sign this to secure our secrecy for now." They grimaced, remembering the ravenclaw from last year, and signed, leaving after that.

"Thanks Hermione, I almost forgot," Harry said, smiling at her thankfully.

"Of course. You can't do everything," she said, putting the paper away. "Now, everyone else needs to sign this, its basically the same as the one last year, only the curse on this paper is more like the unbreakable vow." She said. The people closest to her went wide-eyed, but signed readily enough. Only one other person refused to sign, a Hufflepuff in third year, who signed the other sheet and left. Harry rushed after him, brushed his hand and the dot disappeared, and ran back.

"Almost forgot," he said to Draco, who smirked.

"Of course you did," he said. Harry mock-glared and stood up on the table.

"Er, ok so now that that's out of the way…er…" he said and everyone was immediately quiet. He looked helplessly at Snape, who stood and finally said something.

"I think its time to leave. Curfew is upon us and there isn't much we can do right now anyway. We will meet back here…well, we will let you know." Harry now felt ridiculous, and stepped down from the table.

"Thanks," he said to Snape, looking a little worn as people started leaving. Once everyone was gone but the original group, they all sat down.

"So, when's the next meeting?"

"Well, we have to schedule it around the quidditch practices and matches for all the houses, along with charms club and…" he looked at Hermione, "Do you still have those coins?" She shook her head.

"Umbridge confiscated them. We could make more, though, it wasn't too hard," Harry nodded."

"Lets do that. Is there anything else?" the others looked at each other, and shook their heads.

"I'm not sure how we are going to match the order in getting information and fighting the dark side, I mean, we don't have anyone in the ministry or the werewolf caves, or…well, we don't have anyone any were. I feel like we are just another D.A. with a cool tattoo and a cooler name, not really doing much good." Harry said, thinking it over.

"Well, if there is something with the Dark Lord going on that your group can get to easily or prevent, I will most definitely tell you, keeping in mind that you faced him in your first year, Harry, and every year since. I know there isn't much you or this group can't handle, but be prepared for losses, for this is war. I think you need to train some more first though, get farther ahead then most your year. If something important is going to happen, I will let you as well as the order know, and you will be faced with the decision to do anything about it or not, Dumbledore no longer controls you as much," Snape said, and Harry smiled.

"Thanks," he said, feeling better. Deciding that they had no more to discuss, they all left, going back to their separate places.

Harry flopped down on the couch, sighing.

"Did I do good?" he asked. Snape scowled at him, and sat down next to him.

"Your fishing for compliments,"

"No I'm serious! I was terrified that—"

"But did you mess up? Did you fall or say something totally wrong or screw the whole thing up? Did people laugh at you?"

"No…"

"Then you would be safe to assume you did fine,"

"Okay." Harry climbed into Snape's lap so that he was facing the man.

"So we need to make some of those golden coin things…"

"I think Granger can manage. She did last time," Harry nodded.

"Ok and then…" Harry thought. "I guess there's not that much left to say. How do you think it went?"

"Rather well, for the first meeting. I must say I've never encountered jealousy in that fashion before,"

"You were jealous? Of what?" Harry asked, startled.

"Well, after you started touching other people, it got quite annoying and unrealistically almost out of control." Snape grumbled.

"Almost?" Harry was still trying to digest the fact that Snape had gotten jealous over him touching other people's _hands_.

"You might have noticed how good I am at control."

"Oh, right. Well, I was jealous that one time you had to take what's-her-face off to the infirmary after she exploded her cauldron," Harry said.

"Anna from Slytherin? But, I had to pick her up and take her to the infirmary, I couldn't trust anyone else not to drop her…" Harry nodded.

"See? Unreasonable jealousy." He said and Snape nodded. Harry tried to cover a yawn, and Snape looked at him suspiciously.

"Did you finish your homework?" Harry nodded. "Then how about we go to bed? I don't have to have those papers graded until the day after tomorrow, and I can use my planning period for that," Harry nodded and got off Snape so the man could stand. Snape made his way towards the library door, but halted when he realized Harry hadn't followed. He turned, looking quizzically at Harry who was now standing in the middle of the living room.

"Can…can we sleep in your room?" Snape gave him a look. "I mean, just sleep!" Harry said hurriedly, and Snape came over to where he was standing.

"Be truthful," he said quietly, face so close that his breath ghosted over Harrys parted lips. His hands came up to Harry's neck. "Is that _all_ you want?"

"No…" Harry almost moaned, eyes closed. Snape smiled.

"That's what I thought." he said and moved towards his own door. Harry just stood, rooted to the spot. Seeing that the boy wasn't following, _again_, Snape turned and spoke.

"We will not be having sex until I am sure of your recovery, even if you _do_ want it as of now. We will sleep only for the time being." Harry nodded and this time followed Snape into his room. Harry looked around as Snape went over to the dresser and started changing. There was a large, probably king-sized bed opposite of the door, with nightstands on either side. The wall to the left of the bed sported the dresser and a desk, while the other wall held a closet and a door that led to a personal bathroom. The sheets of the bed were black, comforter a dark green. Harry smiled and walked right back out the door. He went to his room and gathered his things, bringing everything and Reiki back to Snape's room.

"I never said you could move in," Snape protested as Harry put his scant amount of belongings away in the proper place.

"I'm practically moved in anyway, might as well have my stuff in the same room I sleep," he said reasonably while Snape grumbled. Harry finished and then changed into his pajamas, conscious of Snape's eyes on him, trying to hide his thighs from view. He finished and slid under the covers, now hesitant. Snape moved over, turning Harry until his back was to him, looping his arms around his middle and wrapping his body around the boy. Harry yelped as one of Snapes hands moved to his inner thigh, trailing along the scar that he could feel through the thin cloth. The scar went from the top of his knee up to his boxers, and probably past. It was probably as wide across as Snape's middle finger, and it was raised, indicating slow healing with an infection. It had probably been deep to, if it took so long to heal.

"What did they do to you?" Snape whispered, horror evident in his voice. Harry cringed and tried to scoot away as Snape's hand returned to resting on his stomach. Snape did not let him move away and he stopped trying, though his body curled again, trying to be as small as possible. One of Snape's fingers was circling his bellybutton and for some reason he found this soothing. He relaxed slightly.

"I thought you said they didn't do anything…"

"They didn't do anything _worse_ that my back. You asked what was the worse they had done. My back is worse than my leg." Harry replied, voice a bit shaky. Snape was quiet.

"Your disgusted." Harry said. It wasn't really a question.

"Yes." Realizing what Harry was thinking, he added hurriedly, "But not by you, by them." There was silence and Severus kissed the base of Harry's neck. The way Harry was breathing didn't feel right, with his hands on the boy's stomach he could tell, and he moved a hand up to his face, discovering wetness on his cheeks.

"Your crying," The tone in Snapes voice was about as surprised as Snape could be.

"Yes,"

"That's progress," Snape commented. After all, he hadn't seen Harry cry once since after the break.

"I guess," Harry said. "I mean, it would be if I was crying about the break, but I don't think these count as progress," One of his hands caught Snapes and held it, moving it back to his stomach where his other hand grabbed hold of snapes free one.

"Well what kind of crying is this?" Snape asked slowly.

"I…I don't really know. I think it has something to do with you."

"Oh wonderful, I made you cry." Snape said dryly. He knew there was something else.

"No! I mean…your…there's…someone cares. I guess that's it."

"I see," Snape said. Harry tried to turn, but only succeeding in turning his face towards the ceiling.

"Your not mad at me, are you?"

"Why would I be mad?" Snape moved up and over to cover Harry's lips with his briefly.

"I don't know…" Harry said, turning back and snuggling unto Snape's embrace. The boys hair tickled snapes nose and he smiled, laying another gentle kiss in the others neck.

"Goodnight, Harry," he said as Reiki started playing a song. Harry mumbled something that might be taken as 'goodnight', if you strained.

_Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always _

_Kiss you, taste you, all night, always._

A/N: So! - Chapter 13 is finally out! Yay! -

_**INPORTANT! READ!…:**_

I am so, so sorry to tell you all this, and I don't expect any reviews, even if it was a good chapter, because I am such a Meanie bitch-whore, but…I have to abandon this story for a time. You see, this summer has come to a close and as I said, I need to concentrate on my studies. At the end of 8th grade, when I first got into fanfiction, I can tell you that my grades took a great plunge, going to F's, and staying there. I was always reading fanfics under my desk, and scribbling notes and whole chapters into my notebook for first twisted turns, then this, also writing random oneshots that came to mind. I missed much of my classes and did not learn all I should. Now, if I want to succeed in my ultimate plan for life, I need to be smart, and get good grades. Fanfiction consumes me, and though that's not really a bad thing, it is when I need to do other things. I'm sooooooo so sorry. ( I thought I could have it finished by the end of this summer, but I miscalculated, and now I must postpone the next chapter until this winter break (which is only a week) and then until spring break (again, a week) then summer again, and hopefully it will be finished. I feel sooo horrible, and I promise that next time I start a multi-chapter, I won't post until I'm finished. I promise though, if I ever get a weekend or evening where I don't have homework or plans, I will work on it, it will be the first thing I do. I _do_ have 13 more days of summer though, and I will start on chapter 14 right now, but I doubt I will get it done, so sorry (. I feel sooo bad! I would still love a review, but I understand if you're too mad to leave one. Love you all, and again, sorry!  
Kozi

PS: 96 pages so far!

…BTW, don't you love the love? I love the love…. guess I was in a very loving mood when I wrote this . Also, I would love to hear your opinions on my—Snapes description of magic.

hehe oh, and when the title of your story is Always, you start counting how many times that word pops up in the story, and every time i type that word, i go 'hey, thats the title!' its amazing how many times that word is used...

Kozi


	14. Chapter 14: Consequences

A/N: Hello there! I'm very sorry for, as I warned, not updating. For those of you curious or concerned, school is going extremely well, and I have a full three hours of almost free time! In these three hours I plan to: a) do my homework! And b) Write! And c) read my new books! I sincerely hope it works out. If you haven't already, I gently urge you to read my latest oneshot; Chan. At the bottom, where the author note takes up nearly a page, I explain some things to my readers at large, and specifically to you, my Always people. I don't really want to rewrite, or, smarter yet, copy and paste all that here, so please refer to 'Chan', even if you don't intend to read it (though I hope you do, if time ensures) Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you did the last (I see it as the best yet) And, Please, review? I feel like I should, again, apologize for these long author notes, and promise they won't appear too often.

* * *

**Chapter 14: Consequences **

Time passed, almost in a blur, as the Ombres Cramoisies continued to meet regularly, learning things from one another and Snape, who conducted weekly classes with the group. He sometimes taught them things that, to say the least, their parents would not want them to be taught. The group had assigned Becca to keep watch over some Slytherin boys who had seemed to be doing something suspicious, but other than that, there was no real activity in their defense against the dark side besides their classes. Harry was showing no outward signs of depression, besides certain random moments where only Snape was there to witness.

Hermione and Draco decided he was getting better, which he was, but they seemed to think he was better than he really was, which, for him, was perfectly all right. Ron seemed to be showing no signs of anything, he ignored their presence and sulked a bit, like he would usually, but nothing seemed to be too abnormal. Harry had talked to Dumbledore about a resorting and the man had said, as kindly as possible, that it was impossible. He had suggested, however, that Hermione be promoted to head girl (there had been no head girl chosen as of yet, for Gryffindor) and Harry to continue living with Snape, which solved both the problem the sulky Gryffindors and the problem of their safety being at risk.

On the night before Hermione's quarters would be fully habitable, Harry had brought Hermione to finally see Snape's library, and Snape was grudgingly allowing it, reading in the sitting room. Harry was studying some new book or another, Hermione was eagerly going from shelf to shelf, exclaiming and muttering to herself, while Snape was sitting on his favorite chair in the sitting room where he could see inside the library easily. Reading by the fire, he occasionally looked up with a sharp eye to make sure Granger wasn't sneaking his books into her bag, but he was mostly content, if not starting to get annoyed.

Now, on this night, Severus Snape was enjoying one of his favorite books, reading it like one would read such a book; skipping ahead to his favorite parts and savoring the reaction the book caused. And, to say the least, he did not like getting interrupted. He would not kill said interrupter if it was Harry, nor Granger (though his restraint on that one is remarkable, indeed), but the letter that flew out of his hearth and into his face had, without a doubt, just signed its death warrant. Snape growled and picked the letter up off the floor, where it had fallen, and tore into it savagely. He read it briskly and then threw the already singed letter into the fireplace, watching it burn with content. He contemplated allowing Harry the knowledge of where he was going, or just leaving without a sound. In the end, he got up and made his way into the library, which was now silent. Hermione had pulled more than twenty books from the shelf and stacked them neatly on one of the desks, and was now reading quite earnestly. Harry was still studying, so the only sound was the turning of pages.

"I'll be in the headmasters office, Harry. He didn't specify, but Dumbledore has asked to see me."

"Why?" Harry asked stupidly, and then smiled lopsidedly as the last part of the sentence reached his brain. "Oh, okay!"

"I will, hopefully, return before midnight, but don't wait up. Perhaps Granger should..." Snape started, and then stopped, jealously getting to him again, though it was ridiculous, as he continuously told himself. It took Hermione only a few moments to catch onto what Snape hadn't yet said, and she smiled.

"Oh, sure, I'll stay with Harry until your back. I'll sleep in the library, though, I doubt I would really sleep…" she looked around at all the books admiringly, while wondering if depression was worse than she and Draco had thought, and perhaps it wasn't going too well after all, for Snape to be worried.

Snape nodded curtly and left, taking her musings with him as he reminding himself that Harry preferred men, and that Granger was with Draco.

* * *

The headmaster had been staring out the window when he had come in, but was now regarding Snape with those level blue eyes of his. At least they weren't twinkling their brightest right now, Snape comforted himself as he chewed on a lemon drop that Dumbledore had to practically force-feed him before he would take it of his own accord. 

"Severus," Dumbledore nodded to him, and Snape bowed his head slightly in acknowledgement. "It has come to my attention that Mister Potter and you have established a relationship outside of the normal school standards." Dumbledore started, and Snape nodded once, slowly.

"Yes." He said simply. He knew the old man too well to become worried over what he might think. With the Headmaster's whole 'love' theory, he was probably bouncing about with joy on the inside, and trying to keep a straight face. Snape frowned at the thought.

"I cannot be too sure that that is the best thing for him, considering what happened over this prolonged winter break,"

"It is not, ah, a sexual type of relationship, headmaster. I would not jeopardize his return to mental and physical health by doing so." He responded, keeping at bay the image of their relationship becoming sexual, which was a somewhat arduous task since the subject was, in essence, the discussion at hand.

"Has the boy expressed his interest in such things?"

"He has. But I assured him doubly that it would not happen."

"Yet." Ah, now there was the twinkle, as if daring him to share in his little joke.

"Perhaps. It's possible it might come to pass." Snape said carefully.

"Ah, yes, always the cautious one, Severus."

"Sir, I highly doubt, and I'm sure you would agree, that Mister Potter has any real feelings for me; he is simply grabbing hold of the first person who knew about his problems and did not shun nor hate him for it." Dumbledore nodded gravely.

"Though, your reasoning may be quite right, Severus, I belive that Harry has liked you for a lot longer than the time that has passed since the break. Isn't this true?"

"As he says, anyway." Snape admitted grudgingly.

"Then perhaps you should take him a bit more seriously. As you might have guessed, I do not see a reason you two cannot or should not be together, as long as you wait for his mental health to be stable before partaking in… further activities." Snape almost laughed out loud at the mental image the man had implied. "Furthermore, I am concerned with the way this might effect your Death Eater meetings, Severus, and, again, I urge you not to go." Snape sighed inwardly. How many times had they gone over this? No matter how many times Dumbledore urged him; his answer was always the same.

"I will continue my meetings, Headmaster. The last one was the same as ever. I entered that certain state of mind, and for a brief moment I forgot there even was a Harry Potter. I can handle the meetings; both the Order and Ombres Cramoisies will thrive on the information I can gather, there's no way I will cease my work." Dumbledore nodded sadly.

"I assumed that would be the case. Perhaps, when your relationship with Harry progresses a bit more, you might see reason."

Snape was about to retort angrily at the man, but suddenly a searing pain ripped through his right arm, burning his skin.

"He's calling," Snape said tightly, already at the door. He left without a backward glance, entering Hogsmeade—turning into a darkened alley—and apparating to the meeting.

* * *

Things burned. That was the first thing he registered. People screamed, and, as he rushed into a well-lit house, he smelled the unmistakable smell of burning flesh. He watched, as if from an objective third person point of view, as he started murdering the people of the small village that had dared to defy the Dark Lord. He saw himself hesitate before coldly casting a _Crucio_ on a wailing five year old; saw Voldemort nod in approval before disappearing; saw himself quickly cast _Avada_ _Kadavra_ before moving on. After the whole village was torn apart, he saw himself and the other Death Eaters celebrate by drinking some dark, red liquid. All of it was hazy until suddenly, he was back in his own body, senses alert and as sharp as ever, with no time to wonder what, if anything, had happened.

* * *

Harry was returning a book to its shelf when suddenly he doubled over in pain. Hermione rushed to him, and was asking worried questions, when he blacked out. When he came to, he was somewhere else entirely. He watched from a first person point of view as whoever was hosting him ravaged a small village, and, after the first bit of it, Harry realized he must be inside Snape, at a Death Eater 'meeting'. Harry tried desperately to get away, to close his eyes to the horrible things that were passing, but found that he couldn't. As Snape's body mechanically ran through its paces, Harry was forced to watch all of it. When they started celebrating, however, he was forced out, and, with a sigh of relief, he fell back into his own body.

* * *

"Harry? Harry! Oh thank God, I was just about to go get Madam Pompfrey. Are you okay?" Harry sat up groggily as Hermione busied herself with helping him up and rearranging the pillows around him. 

"Huh?" he asked, reaching his hands out blindly for his glasses. Hermione shoved them into his hands, and he put them on, continuing to blink at her.

"What happened?" She repeated. He took a shaky breath, and then described what had transpired in great detail. Hermione thought a bit, then rushed around the library until she came back holding one large volume. As Harry got himself some water and righted his chair—which he had grabbed while trying to steady himself before he completely blacked out—Hermione flipped hurriedly through the pages of the book until she found a certain entry. She then ran her fingers over the lines, and then looked up at Harry.

"Apparently, Harry, you were going to see the meeting through your bond with Voldemort, but Snape and you switched places to where you were in his head and he was the objective third party."

"Is he okay?" Harry asked anxiously.

"He should be. But, Harry, that shouldn't be able to happen. It's only happened three times in the past, and each time the subjects both had a strong spiritual connection, forged by years and years of being together. You and Severus just couldn't have made just a bond so fast. Though, under the circumstances, it isn't exactly unlikely. The point is, it takes powerful magic on both end, and I just don't see how that could be."

Harry sat down slowly. Since his primary concern, Severus, was settled for now, he started to remember all that he had seen and done. It was taking its toll on him now, and he was having trouble concentrating.

In a daze, he quickly explained to Hermione about the powerful magic that was apparently coursing through his veins, due to some unknown cause, and while she went to go read up on it, he started to drift. He wasn't hiding inside his own mind, he was just…floating. He couldn't describe it. It was like when you went to sleep, then waked up, and it felt like you hadn't been sleeping at all. Moments later, it seemed, Snape was walking in the front door. Harry got to his feet and stumbled into the sitting room, watching from the doorway as Snape approached him with a slight limp. Right at the moment Harry thought he would surely swoop him up for a kiss, Snape continued on his way and went into the bathroom, locking the door. When Harry pressed his ear to the door, he realized there was a silencing spell in place as well.

Harry waited impatiently outside of the bathroom door, worriedly ripping up the hem of his tee shirt. It seemed Hermione had stayed in the library to continue reading certain passages out of the two books, and he almost wished for her presence, perhaps to comfort him. He shrugged this off; he only needed Snape for comfort now, and he was right happy about it, too.

Whatever was conspiring behind the closed door took a long time, and when Snape finally emerged, his still looked paler than usual, and dog-tired. He stood there, in front of Harry for a moment, and then turned to go to his room.

"Wait!" Harry called, grabbing the corner of the other man's robe as it slid past him. Snape whirled.

"What?" he asked, no particular emotion evident.

"Uh…" Harry couldn't think of how to begin. It was a very lucky thing that Hermione rushed in at that exact moment, and started hurriedly explaining all that she had discovered from his books to Snape.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Before the confused boy could answer, she switched her attention to the older man. "Sir, Harry was, well, _you_, during the…well…er…meeting, and you were the third party, watching from an objective point of view. It changed when they all started celebrating. Harry, who would have seen it anyway through his link with Voldem—_him_, saw it from your point of view due to your strong magic and, apparently, even stronger bond." Hermione waited, as if expecting some grand reaction from Snape, but, to both her and Harry's surprise (though they really shouldn't have been) Snape turned around, walked into his room, and slammed the door with such force, they both winced. Harry just sat there, shocked for a moment, and then went back into the library, with an anxious Hermione following him.

* * *

He had forgotten. He had forgotten that Harry would see the Death Eater meetings, perhaps other things that conspired, he had forgotten all about Harry's visions, and now, he couldn't help but feel guilty, fully responsible, for tonight's vision. Though it was true that Harry would have seen it anyway, _he_ was the reason Harry had seen it from his own point of view, instead of the third party one he seemed to usually inhabit. And, from tonight, Snape could clearly see that being behind the eyes _doing_ the killing was far worse than watching it being done. And he had made it so Harry was there, in his body. He had forced Harry to see things… 

Snape was grateful Harry hadn't seen what they had done afterwards, to 'celebrate'. He was relieved that Harry had left and Snape himself had returned in time to spare him that. But all the same, something had to be done.

And now, in the library, Granger was comforting Harry over something that he himself should be talking with him about, should be apologizing for. But what had he done? Gone into his room and slammed the door, like a damned child. Though it was true that the thought of being touched or touching others, especially Harry, repulsed him to no end, and he truly just needed to be alone for a while, perhaps get some much needed sleep, he knew that he still shouldn't have done that. He had probably set Harry back a months worth of recovery.

Snape sighed. He still felt nauseous, but there was nothing left in his stomach now, and if he started the whole dry heaving bit, it would not desist until he managed to shove a spasm-relief potion down his throat, so he was strongly trying to resist it. He undressed slowly and got into bed, wondering for a moment why things felt off, then remembered, shut his eyes forcefully, and tried not to think of anything at all.

It wasn't working. Scenes from that night were running through his head in slow motion, making him agonize over it again and again. Finally, fed up, he stumbled to his personal potions cabinet and took out a sleeping potion. It was highly risky when mixed with the other healing potion he had already taken, but he was getting a bit desperate. He collapsed moments after taking the potion, barely making it to his bed in time.

* * *

Harry couldn't sleep at all that night, and finally, realizing that she wasn't helping, Hermione left, leaving Harry after stealing his wand and making sure no sharp objects lied in reach. Harry, hating being treated like a child, sulked in a corner of the library, trying to read. He finally passed out slumped over the book, nightmares raking his body as he was left alone in his slumber. 

By the time the first light touched the dewed grass outside the castle, Snape was awake, and pacing. He knew that Harry would be out there, and he was positive that he wouldn't be sleeping. He also knew that he would have to do something about all of this sooner or later, but right now he was plotting a scheme that would get him out of the dungeons without seeing Harry.

Harry, when he had realized that Snape was awake, had run into the sitting room and started a vigilant watch outside the man's door, determined to catch him before he could leave. Finally he was rewarded as Snape came out the door, looking as if he was on his way to some dreadful war.

"Severus…" Harry started, but his words were cut off by one very deadly glare from Snape.

"It is inappropriate to call me that," the other man snapped. Harry looked at him, searching for any hint as to what was going to happen next. He found none.

"What…why…?" was all Harry could really get out.

"You are a student and I am a teacher and, though the circumstances are abnormal, you shall not call me anything besides that of which my title allows."

"But…you said we'd try."

"Tried, and failed, Potter, something I thought was clearly evident as of last night."

"What? What does last night have anything to do with it? One little fight-thing and—"

"Perhaps you misunderstand my meaning. Evidence that this could not possibly work was shown very obviously last night in the form of a vision. The Dark Lord and myself are the cause, I admit, but it is nonetheless apparent."

"What? What did you ever do?"

"Do you remember nothing from your experiences last night!" Snape growled, moving towards the outside door. Harry stood in his way, of course.

"I remember it all, very clearly. I still do not see how it was your fault."

"Indeed. Were you not aware of who's body you occupied?"

"Yes. But you had to—"

"And why is that? Because I joined the Death Eaters? Again, a mistake made on my part. Are you beginning to understand the reasoning to this very simple concept, Potter, or must I spell it out further?"

"I know but—"

"There are none of those, here, Potter. I will have your things removed from my room, and, though my may continue to use my storage as a bedroom, there will me no more interaction between you and I that goes past the normal relationship for such circumstances." Harry looked furious and agonized at the same time.

"Why are you doing this? Because of last night? What was that? Not like I didn't know that you did that kind of stuff! You can't _do_ this!"

"I am most certainly aware of what I can and can't do, Potter. And I assure you, _this_ is well within my range."

"But _why?_"

"Why? Why do you think? All that was done last night, all of it, especially the things you did not get the pleasure of seeing, where done because of you. Because of us. Because the Dark Lord found out that your muggle relatives had befouled you in such a way. It was a _celebration_. You will not, cannot, be with someone who participated in such a thing."

"I don't care. I still want to."

"Well, lucky for you Potter, but I don't." With that Snape moved Harry aside and stormed from the room. Harry moved angrily away from the door and got his things himself, not wanting to wait for them to be moved. He then took all his things to the little room that had been barren of anything since Harry had moved in with Snape, and arranged himself there, trying to get comfortable in a place he no longer felt the need for. He contemplated going to breakfast, but gave up the idea; it wasn't like he would be able to eat anything. And the idea of seeing Snape's impassive face made him almost whimper in despair. Why had the man done that? Harry wasn't even trying to figure it out, he was merely mourning over the loss of something he had know he hadn't deserved. He looked at his hand. Somehow, blindly, in the midst of his crying, he had grabbed his old source of comfort. Looking at the silver now, he couldn't think too clearly. He hid it under his pillow. He had liked being in control, and didn't like the idea of giving it up just yet.

He had lost, really. He had convinced himself, and almost started to belive that he was worth something, was more than the savior, that there was more to him than the scar, the prophesy.

He had convinced himself that maybe Snape really cared for him. Well, he wasn't going to give up those thoughts. He had felt more like himself in the weeks he had been with Snape than the time even before the winter break. He wanted to feel like that again. Snape was obviously hurting in some part of his mind, and, whether he still wanted Harry or not, Harry was determined to make sure the other man was okay. Harry stood up and absolved to, after a long, warm shower (it was cold in the dungeons!), take care of Snape, whether his help was wanted or not.

* * *

Severus Snape was having a tiring day. In first period potions, Harry had not been present, causing Snape to wonder if the boy had done anything too drastic. The boy hadn't been at breakfast either, and he caught Hermione shooting Draco worried looks. Realizing that he himself was worried, he huffed. Fine, let them worry, he had other things to think about. He continued through his day as he usually would, distracting himself throughout the long periods by terrorizing the children, so as not to think of what had happened the night before, or that morning. 

But when he turned a corner in the dungeons on his way to supper, he caught a glimpse of Harry hurrying through the dungeons, a sight that made him sigh in relief until he remembered that Harry should not be in the dungeons, he should be at supper. He halted his course to the Great Hall and turned; following the path he had seen Harry taking. He stayed only a few feet away from Harry as he followed him, but the boy was oblivious to him, as he always was when Snape was being sneaky. When Harry stopped in front of Snapes classroom door, Snape frowned and slid from the shadows.

"Potter," He said as Harry jumped and turned around, looking guilty. "Just what do you think you are doing?"

"I, uh…I was trying to get in. I think I uh, left something in there." Even someone such as Nevill Longbottom could have read the lie on his face, and Snape almost hung his head right there in a show of utter defeat. The boy would never learn!

"That lie is almost equivalent to your occlumency skills," Snape snapped. What was he doing, wasting time talking to Harry? They boy couldn't get into his Classroom; Snape could easily leave and not have to worry about the consequences. "Tell me Potter, what are you really doing?" Snape watched Harry closely. He could easily see pain in his eyes, as well as some form of determination and fear. He didn't look like he was up to anything nasty, but he also had no reason to be hanging around this door anymore.

"I was going to go in there and wait for you to come back, so we could talk more." Harry admitted. "I knew you would come back here first, because you still hadn't finished grading those papers you needed by tomorrow."

"And just how did you know that?" When Harry didn't respond, he frowned and continued. "The time for talking is long past. There is nothing left to say. Besides, you have a quidditch game tonight, do you not? Are you truly going to miss that for _me_?" Snape said snidely. Harry blushed and ducked his head.

"I forgot." He admonished. Then he looked up at Snape, the blush draining away from his otherwise pale cheeks. "But I would. Give it up, I mean." He kicked the wall. "We _need_ to talk about this!" he said, frustrated.

"Always one for the dramatics. We need not talk about anything, Potter, there is truly nothing else." Harry was quiet. After a moment, Snape turned to leave, and a hand grabbed his flaring robes. He turned, growling, wrapping himself up in his own cloak, which Harry had not let go of, and came face to face with the other, who took advantage of his twisted position and pressed his lips to Snape's.

It was the slow, longing kiss of a lost lover. He didn't use his tongue, just softly pressed his lips against his. Before Snape could push him off and start yelling, Harry pulled away, every action of his suddenly very deliberate and slow. He let go of Snapes cloak and it unwound; hanging—with a slight sway—off the man, who seemed about ready to draw his wand and shout some dreadful curse.

Harry gave him a look, one that seemed long, yet impossibly short in the time it took to give. It was a look that said so many things, a lot of those things hard to place, confusing, and undeterminable. Then Harry was gone, walking briskly down the hall and around the corner. Snape stood for a moment, trying to pick apart all the different things that had been said with that look, and then was off himself, quickly making his way through classified shortcuts to the Great Hall as he mulled over that look.

* * *

Harry sat in silence, twining the edge of his tee under, then over his fork's prongs. Normally he, Becca, Dean, Seamus, and Hermione would be discussing upcoming classes and other such things, but at the moment, Hermione was talking to the others in very low tones, filling them in on the events of the night before, and the implied reasons Harry had not yet touched his food. 

Ignoring them, Harry's eyes swept the hall and caught on Snape. The man was stonily glaring at his plate, as well as the hall in general, and a quick glare in Harry's direction reminded Harry that he could not, however much he wanted to, stare so openly at his 'hated' professor. Or any of the professors, for that matter.

It was now time for the announcements Dumbledore usually divulged at the beginning of each meal, so Dumbledore stood and began to speak. Near the end of a rather long tirade that included more warnings of the forbidden forest, more rules from filch, caution against strangers and the like, as well as another house unity speech, he announced Hermione's new status.

His great, booming voice declared that Hermione would be taking over the vacant head girl status, and the current head boy was to show her to her room, as well as update her on what they were to do. Harry smirked. The room part, he admitted, might get done, but with Draco as head boy, there wasn't going to be any discussing of rules until the two had made out for at least an hour, and then they would only be told at Hermione's persistent request.

After most of the hall had finished clapping, Ron stood, yelling at the top of his lungs. Only a few things could be heard behind the high pitched scratching that was his voice when pressed to its limits, but the things that were distinguished were most brutal; condemning Harry and Hermione at length, as well as any who called them friends. Finally, annoyed beyond belief, Snape stood.

"Mister Weasley, kindly sit down so that we may all continue with our supper in peace, free from you obnoxious yelling," He growled loudly. Ron's face turned very red, but he sat, grumbling all the while. After nervously glancing at Harry and Hermione, the majority of the Great Hall began eating, more interested in food at the moment, rather than a slightly underweight boy and the no longer quite so bushy haired head girl.

When supper was over, Draco showed Hermione and Harry their way to her head girl rooms, frequently insisting that Harry should know where to find her had he the need.

Harry, after talking with Hermione and Draco for a little over one hour, happily sank onto his bed in the storeroom, which was now decorated with a fashion akin to the one Sevruses bed sported, thanks to a handy charm they had learned in charms that day. Looking around, he wondered what first he should do.

He was at a loss, really. He had exactly twenty minutes until the quidditch game was to start, and he decided that, as captain, he should change and go out to the pitch early. When he swished his way onto the deserted field, he breathed in heavily then exhaled, the damp spring air filled his lungs; it felt good.

Because of his absence, Ron had become the quidditch captain in his wake, but now, after a talk with Dumbledore, he was back, ready to jump headlong into the rest of the season. He had contemplated letting the whole thing go, but he loved flying too much to allow it to slip away from him.

He mounted his broom, and took off into the sky. The wind combed through his hair like icy, yet loving fingers in a soft, gentle way until he accelerated and the fingers became brutal, ripping through his hair and tossing it about. Need we say his hair was even messier than usual? I think not; it completely overdone, by my way of thinking. Harry flew higher and higher until he could barely breathe, then dropped down a meter or two until he was circling lazily under the clouds, completely relaxed.

By the time the other members joined him, he was completely at ease, thanks to some relaxing flying and lack of any real thoughts while he practiced. They all warmed up quietly, afraid to evoke another fight between Ron and Harry, and everyone worked well together since the seeker and keeper didn't need to cooperate with each other. Whenever Harry did say something to Ron, which was always a gentle order or polite congratulations, Ron would mutter darkly and ignore him. before their match with Hufflepuff began, Ginny took him aside to talk.

"I'm really sorry about Ron, Harry. He's just so riled up over Hermione and Draco, he wants to blame anyone but himself, and most of that blame is falling on you, his best friend. He's mad you didn't tell him, is all."

"It wasn't for me to tell," Harry said somewhat sadly, looking over at Ron, who was violently hitting bludgers every which way.

"I know that Harry. He might calm down, and he might not. The point is, no matter what he decides to do about you, I want to stay your friend, okay? I really think he'll get over it though, he seems positively miserable without you two. He just…its partly his pride, but, I think he really loved her." Harry nodded.

"He did. He does. But, Hermione got tired of waiting around for him, and she and Draco are a good pair. I think they might love each other, but with slytherins, its always hard to tell. I want to stay your friend too Ginny, along with the rest of your family. You were all always so good to me, and its sort of lonely without the Weasley's around." Ginny smiled and hugged him.

"That's good, Harry. I'm sorry we couldn't talk earlier; I thought Ron would personally kill me if I had, and, while I don't particularly care what he thinks, he was holding my position on the team over my head, so if I wanted to keep it, I had to wait to talk to you until you returned as captain."

"That's fine, Ginny." Harry said, smiling.

"Well, we better take our places, it looks as if the match is about to start," She said as she took her seat on her broom. He got on his as well and they flew to their positions. Madam hooch walked into the middle of the field, between the two teams, Harry shook hands with his opposite, and they were off.

After winning the game, 160 to 40, the Gryffindors all celebrated in their common room. The house as a whole were still wary of Harry and Ron, as well as Hermione, who had come to say congratulations, but they celebrated all the same, and when they were done, it was nearly midnight.

Hermione was able to go to her head girl room with no guilt or sneakiness, but Harry still had to get away from the crowd of happy Gryffindors and sneak off to the dungeons without anyone else realizing it. After speaking very quickly with Ginny about OmCra, and whether she would be interested in joining (she was, very enthusiastic as well), he headed off, telling the still-beaming others that he was just going to go for a walk, and that he would be back relatively soon. After warning him not to get caught, they allowed him to go, and he walked down the hallway with only the slightest bit of guilt for lying to them.

He was now wandering about his small room, trying to figure out what to do. He had finished his homework, he was sick of reading, he wasn't yet tired, and he didn't have any form of entertainment whatsoever. He was completely stuck. He managed to think of two things to do before he was at a loss again. The first thing; get changed, the second; find a book that he might want to read.

So he got out his pajamas and changed. He declined looking for a book, deciding that there was really nothing left that he would take pleasure in doing, and stood there, looking around.

He was now standing in the middle of his new room; wearing t pajamas he had found waiting for him when he opened his trunk. He scratched at the rough material on his arm, feeling an odd comfort that his old, badly fitting pajamas brought him. He realized that they only brought him comfort because Snape had laughed and said that he liked the ankle they showed on Harry, and almost took them off before he realized he had no other comfortable clothes to wear.

He sat down on the bed almost resentfully, reminding himself that it wasn't the bed's fault that he wouldn't be in Snapes rooms—in Snapes bed—tonight. He ran through a list of things he could possibly do to pass the time until he either fell asleep or went crazy; the latter being the most plausible at the moment.

He couldn't read; his mind was jumping about too much tonight to be able to focus on anything he would find in a book. He couldn't fly; someone would surely come out and stop him before he got too high, and, besides, his muscles were too tire already from al the quidditch earlier. He would not be able to sleep, so that was out of the question. He had already done his homework, so that was out as well.

Finally, he decided to just stroll around the hallways, and if Snape caught him, he would get another chance to confront the man, and he could always hide from filch. Anyone else wasn't even a threat; he had learned to evade their main hallway wandering places back in second year, and had composed his own areas where there was rarely anyone. Wandering the halls had become a nightly thing after his nightmares, after all, and he now had a sixth sense about which hallways to avoid and which ones he would find most pleasing, based on what window faced where, which ones opened, and temperature.

He contemplated his invisibility cloak, but decided against it; he preferred the openness that walking free supplied. He stuck his head out the door, and, when, finding no one in sight, he snuck through the library and out of the door. He turned down a short hall, getting himself out of the dungeons and up on the sixth floor before he let himself relax at all.

He wandered through the hallways, mind roaming farther than his feet would ever take him, wishing he could just be in the general area of Snape, wishing for the mans closeness. After what seemed like hours, he made his way back to the dungeons, settling on a book he had already read, had literally worn away at, to read when he returned. And, of course, on his way back, he got his prior wish; he ran into Snape.

"Oh," he said quietly, stepping back from the warm solid figure he had bumped.

"Potter," Snape said airily.

"Sorry sir," Harry said quietly, making his way around the other man. Snape turned to look at him and Harry stopped mid-step, turned back, and looked at him with tired eyes, wondering what the other man would say.

"What are you doin out this late?"

"Walking,"

"I can see that perfectly well, thank you. As you know, its past curfew, you shouldn't be here. Breaking the rules again, Potter."

"I know, sir,"

"I will ask again, what were you doing?"

"I was just walking around, sir. I couldn't sleep." Harry shrugged.

"Potter, I am well aware as to how deeply you can sleep, and I know that insomnia is no longer a symptom for you," Snape growled. Harry shrugged again and looked down.

"It is…it's different, is all." He mumbled. He looked up at Snape after a minute, bright green eyes catching his professors. "You aren't there,"

"I highly doubt my presence effects your sleep, Potter," Snape seemed like he was becoming angry, and Harry backed off a bit.

"Yes sir," He said simply. Snape growled and Harry turned to leave, walking down the corridor at a reasonable, yet bone-tired pace. Snape decided not to pursue it and left for his own rooms. When he arrived, he made his way straight to the library and started on a book, making sure nothing, once he sat down, would bother him.

About twenty minutes later, however, Reiki, unseen because of the brightness of the candles, came in, and started playing a song.

_Still a little bit of your taste, in my mouth,_

_Still a little bit of you laced, with my doubt._

_Still a little harder to say, what's going on,_

Snape growled and closed his book, looking up at Reiki with distaste.

_Still a little bit of your ghost, your weakness,_

_Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed_

_You step a little closer each day, that I can't say what's going on,_

He put his book away slowly and made his way to his room, hoping that Reiki wouldn't follow him. No such luck. He attempted to keep the blob of light out by shutting the door, but the thing just slid under the crack.

_Stones, taught me fly,_

_Love taught me to lie_

_Life taught me to die_

_So it's not hard to fall_

_When you float like a cannon ball_

He got under the covers, turned off the light, and tried to wait out the song as it persisted.

_Still a little bit of your song in my ear_

_Still a little bit of your words I long to hear_

_Step a little closer to me, so close that I can't see what's going on,_

He was trying now, desperately, not to think about Harry, not to imagine his presence, not to allow his mind to wander, but he was failing.

_Stones, taught me fly,_

_Love taught me to lie_

_Life taught me to die_

_So it's not hard to fall_

_When you float like a cannon ball_

He lay in tense, dark silence while he waited to see if it was really over, and he heard it no longer. Reiki dimmed and hid under the bed, leaving the room in total darkness while the song echoed in the silence. He rolled over and tried to sleep, all the while wishing to be free of the painful longing.

* * *

Harry, seeing that Snape was indeed going back to his own rooms, headed off in a different direction, to give the man a head start before he showed up. When his feet at long last halted, he found himself in front of Hermione's head girl room. He wondered if she would be awake, at this time of night, but decided to knock anyway. He was answered by the immediate opening of the door, and, as Hermione pulled him inside, he realized that he had been given the password, and could have, just as easily, entered of his own accord. This would have allowed him to see if she were awake, and if she had not been, he could have left without bothering her. 

Knowing it was too late, but saving the reminder for later use, he looked around. Hermione was in her own pajamas, and Draco was there as well, elegant in dark blue silk.

"Oh, s-sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," He said, stumbling back towards the door. Draco smirked.

"Sit down, Potter," He said, voice soft and slightly teasing.

"It's not what you think, however shocking that information may be. Hermione had a nightmare, and called me down."

"Oh…What…are you okay, Hermione?" he asked her worriedly, looking at her face, which, even in the dim candlelight, didn't look so good. She was pale and sweating, tear marks streaked her cheeks. She nodded and sat next to Draco, asking him what he needed, and if _he_ was okay.

"Well, yeah," He sighed. "I guess I'm okay. It's just… Snape and I sort of broke up, and I'm a bit miserable over it. But its nothing I can't fix myself. I just wanted to give Severus some time alone in his home so he could properly avoid me, before I went to sleep myself, though I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway…" After some urging from the other two, Harry explained most of what he meant by that confusing sentence, and the two looked at him sadly afterward.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," Hermione said quietly, and Draco nodded. Harry came to a bit of a realization at that moment; he comprehended that he now had two good friends who would be there for him, two people who knew most of what had conspired in the last few months, and knew of his relationship with the Professor. With this thought to cheer him, he spend the next two hours talking with the other two, and when he was done, he felt lighter, less burdened.

Seeing Hermione's now-worried face, which had been full of barely concealed terror when she had invited him in, he remembered her dream.

"Hermione, what was your dream about?" He asked, full of renewed concern and eager to help her like they had him. She sighed, moving from her edge-of-couch position to lean into Draco's arms tiredly.

"It was just…well, remember when Molly got so upset over that Boggart last summer? Well, My dream was similar, full of all my loved ones dying and a lot of other horrible things. I'm just so worried about you, and Draco, and…" She sniffed, looking angry with herself as Harry and Draco set to comforting her, as if she thought she was silly for crying over her dream.

After several hearty, comforting speeches from Harry and Draco both, Hermione look cheered, and Harry opted to leave. After turning down their pleas to stay, he left them, with a warm goodbye, for his own room. Getting there, he fell asleep almost at once, though he didn't stay in the sweet state of slumber for long.

More than five times that night he woke himself with his own screaming, and there were probably other things he had shouted or yelled that hadn't woken him. On the fourth time, he rolled over restlessly to go back to sleep, shaking almost uncontrollably.

Had he not been so groggy and heavy lidded, he would have seen the man standing in his doorway, dressed all in black, silently watching him through the crack between the door and the frame.

* * *

A/N: So, yes my dear people! I have actually updated about three times, counting this one! The first version included a resorting, and was really rushed. I was dissatisfied, and, after talking with sunshine, I came to some conclusions and revamped. Then I actually updated, and got some comments on my middle-of-story A/N, and how insensitive Harry was being to Hermione. Knowing they were right, and thanking them, I rewrote again, coming out with this. I hope you all liked it, and I would love a review from those who helped me revamp, and tell me what they think now. Thank you all so much! I love each and every one of you!!!! 

Kozi


	15. Chapter 15: Harry Courageous

_Chapter 15: Harry Courageous_

* * *

__

_**A Rather Important Authoress note: **_

(To Self: Harry goes to Snape talk-talk-talk-sex talk conclusion. Hahahahaha this story's over!) So, I'm not sure, but I'm a bit feeling tired now. I think that this will be the last chapter. If I write this, and it's to your satisfaction (chapter 15, I mean) but you have suggestions as to what more I could do in a chapter 16 or something, then that'd be great, but I fell like this chapter will be the end of this story.

I _will not_ write the two getting married, and I will not write the war (I'll leave that to JK) and I will not write a fluffy cutesy ending. I won't say if the ending will be my usual angst or my rare fluffy-happiness, but it will be far from perfect, happily ever-after. So, let me know after you read this if…:

it sucked and I should redo it (please make sure to list details)

It was great but maybe I could do another chapter where (insert ideas here) happens.

Please write a sequel (If you want a sequel, you better be willing to tell this tired author what should be in the sequel, not just that there should be one. You'll need to tell me some major plot points (angsty, preferred) that I could work with.

Because, as I said, no weddings, and no war. No facing and killing voldemort. I was sorta thinking that if I did a sequel Harry would get captured by voldemort and 'bad things' would happen and Snape would save him or maybe Snape wouldn't save him…

But yeah, so, review or PM or email and give me your thoughts, cause I'd really like to know what you think.

Wow, that author note was really long….

Full of love (How do I retain so much love for you all anyway? And yet write such angst?), as always, (look! There's that word again!)

Kozi

PS: if your minds aren't in the gutters by now, please move them there as soon as humanly possible. The next chapter has some innuendos that you should probably consider.

Oh, uh, warning for this chapter, smut, but not really too explicit. Uhm, I wrote this during the day, so I might revamp over spring break to make the smut better, so I can write it late at night, which seems to be my smut-writing preference. Rather, stories in general. It must be because my computer screen faces the door, and my mom can walk in at any time, so I write my smut at night, when she's asleep…heh….I am such a bad kid….

Uhm…-cough- sorry, I've such a bad, long-A/N habit…Uhm…this is the chapter that you'll want to take out that 'Always' song that I know you have in your music library, by blink-182, from the self titled album (it starts with drumming sounds…I think its number…10. it's number 10) anyhoo, this is the chapter to listen to it, cause this chapter is why this story is named 'Always', and if you don't have it, please get it, cause it makes it so much better. If you simply cannot get it, then I can't really suggest any other song…sorry!

* * *

Harry woke exhausted and weary to the bone, looking around at his surroundings through bleary eyes. For a moment he was unsure of his surroundings or how he had ended up the way he did until reality fell to him once again, and he remembered the contents of the previous few nights. He got slowly from his bed, which felt abnormally cold, and stumbled around as he prepared for the school day. Thankfully, it was a Friday, meaning he was free to do whatever he wished for that night as well as the next two days.

When he was completely ready he made his way cautiously through the library and into the sitting room. When he was sure that Severus had left, Harry went into the bathroom to take care of other morning rituals.

One ritual had recently been added to the routine, ever since he had started sleeping in Snape's bed, and continuing after he had been kicked out. The added bit to his routine was yet another reason he made sure Snape had left before he started.

He came from the bathroom, his teeth brushed, face cleaned, and hair looking as if he had attempted to tame it, and grabbed his bag before leaving for the breakfast that he would not be eating.

His day past in a much quieter fashion than it ever had. Apparently Hermione and Draco had made sure that no one bothered him today, and for that he was grateful. They had a meeting of OmCra tonight, and Harry really wanted some time to himself before he had to face Snape directly, and continue a façade that nothing was amiss.  
It was dinner when Hermione turned to him, keeping her voice low so as not to alert the others of their discussion.

"Harry," she said, with a look of determination barely concealed.

"Yeah?" he asked warily. Whenever Hermione was determined, it was best to tread carefully in her presence.

"You love him, right?"

"Yes." Why was she asking this?

"Then what are you gonna do? You can't just let him get away. What are _you_ gonna do about it?" Was she _taunting_ him?

"I don't think that's your business," he said, annoyed at her. What could he do?

"Well, whatever you, do, you'd best do it soon. You don't want to lose him, right?" It occurred to him that she was right. Damn Hermione, always right, somehow.

"Well…yeah, but what can I do?"

"Think reaaly hard," she advised, then winked. She wasn't suggesting…

"You don't mean—"

"No, of course I don't Harry! I mean to imply that you should do what you think you should do; I can't tell you what that is. And I only advised you to think about it." She had a look of innocence on her face that seemed oddly misplaced, and he looked at her suspiciously. She, deciding that their conversation had drawn to a close, left her seat at the table in order to be the first one to the meeting that night. He followed, at a slower pace, mulling over what she might have meant, and what he could possible do about it.

That night's meeting went better than he expected, all things considered. Snape revealed the news of the village massacre with a face void of emotion, the others, outraged, assumed comfortable positions on cushions around the room to further discuss their plan of action, and what they should do about the massacre. Harry kept mostly out of it unless they asked for his opinion, mind still set on what he had decided on doing.

When the meeting ended, they each said their goodbyes, and left, Harry being the last out. Last to leave or not, he was quick to catch up to Snape as the man made his way to his quarters.

"Hullo, sir," he said pleasantly. Snape looked at him sideways, suspicion evident, if nothing else, and replied with a curt 'hello'.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, though it didn't seem to throw Harry off one bit. When they were both inside the sitting room, Harry having closed and locked the door, Snape turned to Harry wearily, noting that Harry hadn't moved towards his own room.

"What do you want, Potter," he snapped.

"Harry. My name's Harry," Harry reminded, walking over to his professor so that he was standing right in front of him, head tilted slightly so that he could look into the mans eyes. Said eyes flashed dangerously, and Snape was about to say something—something that included angry yelling and perhaps a hex, no doubt—when Harry took up the old habit and cut his teacher off wit a kiss. After a brief moment, Snape pushed Harry violently away from himself, glaring angrily at the impudent boy who seemed to have no respect whatsoever.

"Potter," Snape said dangerously, "Have I not made it clear that I no longer desire you?" He had intended for the comment to hurt Harry, had dreaded it, using the exact words Harry had always waited to hear, words Harry was sure would come eventually. To Snape's surprise and, partially, relief, Harry didn't move, his face still in close proximity with the other mans.

"Really, Professor? I believe I've made it quite clear that I disagree." _Such confidence_ Snape found himself thinking before replying with as much malice as one so tired could muster (which was quite a lot, actually).

"Disagree or not, Potter, that's how it is, and I would ask you to avoid situations where you find it tempting to pursue me." Harry shook his head.

"No, professor, I don't think I'll be doing that," he said lightly, before kissing the man for a second time. When Snape broke away this time, it took longer than before, and wasn't as harsh.

"Harry, I've said before, we cannot do this," though using Harry's first name, his voice was no softer than it ever was.

"Why not?" was Harry's most intelligent answer. Snape sighed.

"I've _told _you," Snape started angrily before Harry intervened.

"And I understand. I am aware of what I'm doing, professor, and I choose to do it anyway." Again, Harry moved his lips to his, and this time Snape did not push him away, but rather turned, Harry with him, to lean the boy comfortably against the nearest wall. When he broke away, Harry's eyes smiled at him, but his face was full of worry.

"What?"

"Nothing," Harry assured, and the worry was gone, Harry's lips back on his.

_I've been here, before, a few times,_

_And I'm quite aware we're dying_

_And your hands, they shake with goodbyes,_

_And I'll take you back if you'll have me_

When Harry started to tug his robes from off his body, his only response was to return the favour, removing Harry's troublesome outer layer of clothing. He broke their prolonged kiss to trail his mouth down Harry's neck, kissing the skin, then biting and later licking.

Harry moaned and writhed against him when he bit a particularly sensitive spot on the boy's collar bone, causing his own erection to grow more urgent. He moved away for a mere moment, only in order to take Harry's shirt off, but it was enough for him to come partially back to his senses.

"Harry, are you _ready_ for this? I don't think we should—" he was cut off, however, by the removal of his own shirt, and was pulled back quite forcefully to Harry's mouth. When he broke away again, Harry's eyes locked on his.

"I am." Snape assumed that Harry meant he _was_ ready, and needed no more convincing.

"Then, perhaps we should move into my bedroom," he suggested, and Harry nodded agreeably before following Severus into his room.

Harry couldn't remember exactly how he ended up on the bed, and nor did he remember losing his trousers, but he soon found himself dressed only in his boxers, lying on his back amid silky sheets, with Snape leaning over him from above.

_Come on let me hold you,_

_Touch you, feel you, always_

_Kiss you, taste you,_

_All night, always_

"You're sure, then," Snape confirmed as Harry nodded. He took pleasure in the sight of Severus in the same attire as he, though he was granted the sight before, it felt strangely more intimate now than ever. Snape, catching him staring, smirked and leaned in to close the distance between them once more.

He drifted. What Snape was doing to him, and what he did in turn, was nothing like what had happened before, and he found comfort in that, placed value in that, to remind himself of things Snape had tried to tell him before.

When at last the man entered him, as he had wanted, the sensation was completely different. There was little to no pain, due to the lubrication spell (quite a handy spell that he would make sure to learn…later) that Snape had cast, and he was immersed in pleasure so deep that he had a hard time distinguishing the slight pain from amid all the bliss. His mind swirled with moans that came from both him and the man above him, swirled in pleasure and amid every sensation. His body was hot and tingly, full of senses that he neither wanted to define, nor knew what they were.

When his mind was finally drawn from whatever fog it had been in, he found himself laying with his head resting on Severus' chest, with the mans arm protectively circling his shoulders. He turned and looked up at Snape, who was frowning.

"What?" Harry asked anxiously. Snape turned his face towards Harry's and a small, very small, smile lifted his features.

"This wont be easy," he reminded for the up tenth time. Harry nodded, and turned back around so that his eyes grazed the ceiling.

"I know. But if I'm going to go down, I want to go down knowing I was happy with you. It's selfish, but…" he shrugged.

"Selfish? Harry, your whole life is centered on sacrificing yourself for everyone else's frail little existence," Snape reminded him, a bit of malice touching his words.

"It's selfish, Severus, because if I die, I'm leaving you." Snape's arm tightened instinctively around him, and Harry smiled to himself.

"Very true. But don't fret over that now. You have bigger problems…"

"Yes…" Harry agreed, idly noting that Snape was definitely not sticking to his normal persona, and feeling very smug about this fact.

"So tell me, why were you looking so worried earlier?" Snape asked, truly curious despite himself.

"I don't want…I don't want you to leave me. I know what I'm pursuing, and I know what the consequences may be. And frankly, I don't really care. If I'm going to die for this world, I prefer to die happy."

"You realize that happiness is a very rare thing for those who associate with me, no matter how small that association may be," Snape pointed out, and Harry shook his head. The boy's unruly hair flicked across Snape's chest, and the man shivered as Harry responded.

"You underestimate the power of your presence. No matter what will befall me, if you are there, whether as an observant Death Eater or not, I will take pleasure in your presence."

"Your vocabulary has grown," Snape observed.

"And _you_ are doing a very good job at avoiding my prior statement. But that's okay; you don't have to answer it. I just wanted you to know."

"I know." They sat in silence for a while longer, content with the feeling of the others touch, until Harry turned to look up at Snape, beaming.

"What?" Snape asked suspiciously. One could just not trust such a purely innocent smile on such a devious boy.

"Tomorrow's Saturday," Harry said happily. Snape fixed him with a look.

"Yes…and I have _papers_ to grade. The very once of which you distracted me from grading earlier this week." The man growled. Harry's smiled changed from innocent to sheepish.

"And you couldn't possibly be persuaded to forgo this grading for another day?" He asked, almost pleadingly.

"No," the man said, and then relented after a minute of Harry's hopeless attempt at begging. "Well, I suppose they could be graded on Sunday…" Harry smiled brightly and squirmed, happy to win extra time with the man. Then his face turned serious, and after prompting, he voiced his thoughts.

"We wont…things won't always be this calm. It's gonna get worse soon, and I want all the time I could possibly have with you."

Snape's own face became grave as he replied,

"I know. We must take the short amount of time we have until you must face the Dark Lord, and use it to the best advantage."

"It doesn't feel like we've enough time," Harry said quietly as Snape agreed.  
"We don't. I doubt there'll ever be enough time." He turned Harry to him and they kissed again, knowing what precious time they had grew shorter as they spoke.

_I've been here, before, a few times,_

_And I'm quite aware we're dying_

_And your hands, they shake with goodbyes,_

_And I'll take you back if you'll have me_

Harry's hands moved up to run through Severus' hair as their kiss deepened. He clung to the man as his neck was ravaged once again, and a true sadness filled him, at the thought of losing such bliss.

_So here I am, I'm trying,_

_So here I am, are you ready…?_

_Come on let me hold you,_

_Touch you, feel you, always_

_Kiss you, taste you,_

_All night, always_

His thoughts couldn't help but turn to a time they both new would come—a time without the other—and he kissed Harry all the harder, afraid to lose the others touch.

_And I'll miss, your laugh, your smile_

_I'll admit I'm wrong if you tell me_

_I'm so sick of fights, I hate them_

_Let's start this again, for real_

Moans and heated whispers, the rustle of cloth. Sounds filled the air as time moved on, for time will wait for no one.

_So here I am, I'm trying,_

_So here I am, are you ready…?_

_So here I am, I'm trying,_

_So here I am, are you ready…?_

_Come on let me hold you,_

_Touch you, feel you, always_

_Kiss you, taste you,_

_All night, always_

_Come on let me hold you,_

_Touch you, feel you, always_

_Kiss you, taste you,_

_All night, always_

They lay together for long moments afterwards, holding each other as their eyes roamed the ceiling.

_I've been here, before, a few times,_

_And I'm quite, aware, we're dying…_

They lay there, before sleep then befell them, reveling in each others presence before unwillingly falling into the dark embrace of slumber.

_Come on let me hold you,_

_Touch you, feel you, always_

_Kiss you, taste you,_

_All night, always_

_Come on let me hold you,_

_Touch you, feel you, always_

_Kiss you, taste you,_

_All night, always_

_Always…_

_

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_

A/N: So…what do you think? –hesitant smile- I'm pretty content with it…as I said, I might revamp over the spring break, though I like of un-descriptive the smut is, because if puts more meaning to the ending. Uhm…Yes, so, there might be a sequel. It depends on what al of you think. I'd love a review, because I'm really nervous about the ending…I've never been too good at endings, you see…

Love you all, thank you so much for staying with my over the last year.

-Kozy

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